The Kitchen Table

Forgiveness....the impossible journey

2010-05-25T11:02:00.006-04:00

I believe God's directive to forgive is the most difficult to obey.

When someone abuses us in such a way that our soul is left battered and wounded- when even its next breath is questionable- it's impossible to forgive. Utterly impossible.

The walls of bitterness and resentment that we erect are perceived to be more secure than the seeming idiocy of forgiving. When someone has been unjust, trampling over our very being, to "let it go and trust it to GOD", is overwhelming. It feels down right naked, doesn't it?

Surely, this person "deserves" our anger and bitterness. How in the world can I move out of this citadel?

The wall is erected. Over time, it becomes thick and impenetrable. Convinced that our reaction is the equalizing response, the despicable behavior of the other further rationalizes the fortress.

To even consider forgiving feels like we are saying that what the other person did was acceptable. There is NO WAY we can do that.

Yet God tells us to forgive. Repeatedly.

Gosh. I hate that, don't you?

But it is important to remember, God is not, necessarily, proclaiming that the atrocious behavior is right; He will deal with the other person in His timing. In all honesty, though, it's not about the other person, even though we want to make it about that one.

It's about us. Because God wants us to grow up. He longs to see us walk in life, not death.

Anger and bitterness - our trying to get someone back or our attempt at protecting ourselves - can NEVER produce fruit. NEVER. In fact, it will accomplish the opposite - it will lead to death: for the wages of sin is death.

And no, the death is not for the person who hurt me. Too bad, huh? *grin*

Unforgiveness blocks the flow of God to our lives no matter how we attempt to slice and dice it. How much we raise our hands or preach a good sermon, if we have hidden anger and unforgiveness, does not fool God. God is not stupid (darn it - sometimes, I am hoping that He is.) He cannot abide in the same place as festering resentment and tightly held self justification.

Resentment feels like we are protecting ourselves and making sure things turn out right. The truth is, however, that we are only hurting ourselves. We are FAR from helping our cause even though it "feels" like we are.

In fact, when we finally CHOOSE to do it God's way it seems like we are losing. How can we feel this safe again?

However, in the unseen realm of the kingdom, we usher in a shift. Why? Because we are choosing life. We are relaxing our grip on death - which is the entrenched insistence that justifies bitterness.

As I said, initially, I believe that forgiveness is the most difficult commandment to obey. However, I am convinced that it is, possibly, the dam, in many of our lives, that needs to burst in order to enter the next level of blessing in God.

God would never ask us to do something that, in the long run, would not produce abundant blessings. So why do so we set our mind upon clinging to our resentments?

I believe that unforgiveness and hidden resentments are the greatest hindrance to a higher move of God in our lives. God is searching for mature sons He can trust with His riches; only the mature have walked into the higher realm of forgiveness and blessing.

I want to be a mature son.

Ugh. Guess that means I need to forgive. I think, too, I also have to BLESS the perpetrator. Gosh, God, talk about really rubbing salt in my wound. *sigh*

But this day I CHOOSE LIFE......

But I will obey. Whew. I will obey........

"What About ME?"

2010-05-11T08:32:00.002-04:00

"In the last days, times will be perilous. People will be lovers of themselves, proud, ungrateful...having a form of godliness but denying its power." II Timothy 3:1-5

Ah. The "end times".

Because of increased terror threats or natural disasters or even the talk of a global economy, this phrase is becoming more wide spread isn't it? I am not denying that these are some signs of the end times. However, look at what Paul says to Timothy.

He describes perilous times as being filled with selfishly ambitious people who don't give a rip about anyone. Now before you get on a high and mighty finger pointing soap box, let me challenge you. Yeah, here it comes.

Let's face it. We are all selfishly inclined. How easy it is to get our feelings hurt, to be offended and to hold a grudge. Or to wonder "where do I fit in?" rather than just relaxing and let others succeed. We all do it.

It's all about ME. MY rights. MY opinion. MY needs. And when I am ignored or betrayed or treated unfairly, you bet I am going to feel sorry for myself AND let everyone know by complaining, bitterness, gossip, slander etc. My goal is to promote and protect ME. And, by golly, if people do not get in line with My agenda, I have no other choice than to make mince meat out of them, even if it is subtle and cleverly crafted.

As a result of this attitude, I really do not have "time" to care about you - beyond a superficial "how are you?" Why? Because I am wrapped up in my latest dilemma or issue. Or I am so obsessed with navel gazing that I do not even know how to look up and out any more.

Oh but I still go to church, lead worship, teach Sunday School and raise my hands high in praise. *sigh*

We all do it, don't we?

(Ok. So MAYBE you don't. Then just ignore me. I am being challenged, by the Father, and I am revealing it to the world. *grin*)

I think that is what Paul is talking about when he says "having the FORM of godliness but denying its power." (II Tim 3:5). We do the "things" that are so spiritual and righteous but we have absolutely NO power over self. And because we cannot overcome self, we are impotent at intimately and consistently caring about others.

Our first inclination, daily, is to ask "What about ME?" From there, the natural decline continues into all that junk that accompanies self absorbed living.

However, people are hurting. Sadly, we do not have much time to really care because we are taking care of ME.

Of course, we will make a meal. Or serve in a soup kitchen. But, man, to actually CARE and spend TIME with people as they work through their hurts and pains? This could actually take a long time. To get involved where it gets messy and there is no quick fix? Who the heck has time for THAT?

What I am learning (for I am the queen of self absorption) is the more I can just hide in HIM and trust HIM, in silence, when life is unfair or it hurts or I am feeling left on the shelf, the more I learn that I can "die to self"; then there IS power to overcome ME. Sadly, the ONLY way to gain mastery over ME IS through suffering.

I do not learn power over self absorption and "poor me" by walking on cloud nine. It's the suffering of my soul, when I am treated unfairly, and I soak my pillow with tears, crying out only to GOD, that yields something profound deep within - an ability to TRUST that HE will take care of me.

My expectation to promote, provide for and protect is in HIM. When man lets me down, which he will, rather than becoming bitter and ugly, I learn to just throw it BACK onto HIM. Through this repeated suffering, self dies a very slow death.

I have no "rights". But that is okay; my DADDY is my Defender. He is all about justice. He pours out rights because I am His child.

He is also all about caring for the depths of the ache in my soul where no human can touch. So to learn, after being ignored or deeply betrayed, to just crawl up to HIM with that oozing ache, I am trudging the way of the cross. I am "dying" to being driven by ME and being raised up into being covered in HIM.

Naturally, in the world around us, it IS about ME. What a breath of fresh air when God's people embrace the suffering that will kill that natural inclination so that we can really and truly care deeply. Where we DO go out of our way to take care of others' needs - because we have learned it is NOT about ME but about genuinely caring for those around us.

THEN the world will see a people who are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. And they WILL be drawn to us.

OH LORD TAKE ME DEEPER INTO SUFFERING SO THAT I CAN BE THAT ONE!

He frustrates the self sufficient

2010-01-27T09:31:00.004-05:00

"The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the way of the wicked." Psalm 146:9

Do you ever feel completely lost, lonely and like a misfit?

Truth be told, we all, at times, suffer with these kinds of feelings. And there are seasons they are more intense than others. The question before us, during those periods, is how are we going to manage it? What will we do to get through that angst?

Some of us simply deny that we ever feel that way. Oh, how I wish, at times, I could live so superficially - kind of like on a cloud where "nothing bothers me". That uncanny ability to ignore or shut off the painful feelings of fear, loneliness, anxiety or just wondering "why in the WORLD am I here?" Some people have it down pat in steering clear from feeling the "pain of living".

However, when we are prone to ignore those truths of human existence, I believe we miss out on the deeper manifestations of who HE longs to be for us.

In a weird way, GOD seems to show up more miraculously for those who admit to their destitution and neediness. When we can "make it on our own" with busyness, talents, strengths, drugs, or religion, why do we need God? We don't. We simply use Him as an after thought or addendum to the strategy we have created to over come the pain and loneliness of being human.

Ya know what? I believe THAT kind of behavior is what He is referring to, in the above passage, as "wicked". Yeah, that is a strong statement but doesn't it kinda fall in line with the context?

He is all OVER the alien (stranger - those who feel completely out of place); the orphan (those who still struggle to know Him -or anyone- as FATHER) and the widow (those who are feeling unattached). But the wicked - those who think they can make it on their own; those who do not "need" God at those deep places - those peoples' efforts He merely frustrates EVEN if, on the outside, they are full of religious zeal and "godly wisdom".

Personally, I want to become more adept at just "sitting still" in my uncomfortable feelings of loneliness, worthlessness or fear. Because if I try to manipulate my way out of it even with a seeming "religious act" I will only face MORE frustration. On the other hand, if I just learn to bring all that emotional mess to HIM and then WAIT for HIM to show up, I will experience some kind of supernatural answer to my ache. It is nothing I controlled or concocted in my own religious ingenuity; it is the out of the box, miraculous love from my heavenly Father.

I think that will be a better supply for this widowed, orphaned, needy person that I am. I am tired of being "wicked" in trying to take care of myself or protect myself.

Religion or Grace?

2009-04-09T20:19:00.003-04:00

An atmosphere controlled by grace will have allowance for one's junk to surface.

An atmosphere controlled by religion will applaud right living and shun the junk.

Does that make sense?

It does to me.

Lord knows I have tons of refuse. My gosh. And I have found that when people give me permission to express it, fully realizing that my ultimate goal is to repent/turn from it and find a higher level of maturity, I find freedom, in the long run. The crap is exposed to the light. The light dispels the darkness and, voila, I find freedom.

In a more religious, rule oriented system, however, people don't want to deal with the junk. It's too messy. And, by golly, it is not controllable and certainly does not fit into any neat box. They prefer the smiles and hallelujahs and chipper exteriors. And then they go home.

And ya know what happens? All the junk that we all have - it stays neatly tucked away. Shame fills us for even having the stuff. Thus, it is never dealt with. In fact, the bondages probably grow stronger and more difficult to break.

Now I understand why I never fit into those places. When I started to be honest with my junk, I was shunned. I was judged. Or I was pitied. For most people, in those systems, have denied their insecurities and fears as well as the more loathsome things like addictions, rage, depression, hatred etc. That kind of stuff is not pretty and these people like it pretty and neat.

But there is no depth, in my opinion.

Unfortunately, there seem to be so few grace filled populations. At least that is my experience. You know, the kind where people REALLY share. Where they genuinely connect and relate. Where you can spew your latest struggle and you are not met with sanctimonious pats on the back or superficial prayers. Or you are not rejected for being so screwed up. Ugh.

I pray we become more grace filled. For a grace filled people are much safer than the religious types. My gosh. I know that I need many grace filled people surrounding me. The neatly packaged religious people cannot deal with my mess.

I am so thankful that nothing is too messy or horrible for grace from above. How thankful I am. Because of His patience and mercy, I continually find freedom from all those strongholds and bondages and sin disease issues that would, otherwise, have held me down had I not found safe avenues to deal with them.

You Can't Have Both

2009-03-31T08:03:00.002-04:00

Sitting before the Father this morning, I asked "Why is the suffering of sickness, disease, barrenness etc. as prevalent in the body of Christ as it is in the rest of the world?"

Forgive me if I am sounding a tad radical but the Word seems to say, repeatedly, that the issues that the world faces are not supposed to be in the church. Our Father, with all His accompanying names like Protector, Healer, Deliverer, Saviour, Peace etc. is continually watching out for us. His character is at our "disposal" day and night. Take for example Psalm 91 - the one we love to quote. Is it not replete with promises regarding our healing, deliverance, protection etc.

So why are we not manifesting it? Why does cancer take as many believers as non believers? What is wrong? Is it just me or is there a huge disconnect between truth and experience? The statistics of sickness, divorce, premature death, barrenness etc. are no different in the body of Christ than in the world.

I queried of the Father with as much of a spirit of humility and hunger I can muster. I have no desire to point fingers of blame. My first stop with this question is in the mirror! Because I have my own personal share of struggles that seem to contradict the promises of the Word, my question is as about me as anyone else.

As I sat there, this morning, I felt the Father say "If you operate according to the world system, then you will reap the world's issues." Eeek.

It makes sense, though.

Read through the Word. Frequently, the Father speaks through the writers: "Look, if you will NOT worship the same idols as everyone else. If you will sincerely walk according to MY WAYS, then HERE are the promises for you, hands down." From there, over and over, God pours forth promises of abundance in every aspect of life.

His ultimate plan is for a people totally "covered" by heaven: for the kingdom of heaven to invade His people. Now does anyone believe, for a second, that there is sickness in heaven? His blue print provides an open portal to heaven and all of its glory.

But ya know what we have done? Seriously. Look at how we "run" churches now-a-days. How many times have I heard a pastor say "Well a church is run like a business." Whew. That statement should cause us to tremble. You mean to tell me that we are running the "set apart ones" - the eccelesia - the SAME way corporate America runs its businesses? And then we want to turn around and claim the kingdom promises over our people?

Does anyone else see the double mindedness?

Or look at our families and personal lives? How much do we use the world system of impression management, manipulation, control, self deception etc to "get ahead"? Or to "make sure" we are not hurt, forgotten, left behind? Or to take care of us? How often do we stare at the rapid fall of the DOW industrial average because, truly, that is our Source rather than ponder the promises of providence from above? How many lives/ministries are more controlled by money -and how to obtain more of it- than the spirit of God?

Add to that the sins in our lives that we coddle or hide from everyone else.

God forgive us.

God fill us, anew, with a trembling at YOUR word. A fear of neglecting Your path.

We cannot live, even subtly or deceptively, under the kingdom of this world or keep hiding our sins yet also claim the promises of the kingdom of God. God is not a fool.

As long as we insist on directing our lives like everyone else we will reap the same results as everyone else - sickness, fear of financial ruin, stress, etc. It cannot be any other way or God would be mocked. In Galatians 6:9 He is emphatic "I will not be mocked. If you sow according to the flesh (soul/world system) you will reap accordingly. Only if you sow according to MY kingdom principles can you reap My kingdom rewards."

I have such a deep deep desire to see the Body rise up to be who she is called to be - the set apart ones who walk in the miraculous daily. I long to see that in my own life. Thus, I am humbled by what I perceive is the Lord's word to me today.

"Father continue to take me further away from ANYTHING in my life that is still tied to the world's system and its way of operating, even in the most hideous and hidden ways of selfish manipulation, self protection, pride and idolatry. Cleanse me of all sins - both hidden and apparent!!!"

The world needs to see something radically different from the sons of God. Oh how I pray we will begin to walk out the requirements of being His set apart ones in deep holiness. I also pray we will wrench ourselves free of its ways of conducting business and begin to operate according to an infallible trust in His kingdom principles.

Why Do We Beg?

2009-02-24T09:20:00.003-05:00

Have you listened to your prayers lately?

Do you hear a lot of begging and pleading with the Father? I know that I do when I look at mine. That kind of praying should cause us to cringe.

You see, the Father is profusely committed to us. All He wants to do for us is good. That is all He can do for us. Look at His names - Provider, Protector, Healer, Deliverer, Stronghold, Saviour, Righteousness etc. - don't they say enough? One's name is one's identity. One's name is the foundation from which He acts. God cannot NOT act outside of those names. This means that God relates to us only through the filter of what His names describe.

In other words, there is nothing of lack, sickness, vulnerability, or helpless victim in any aspect of God's character.

But if you listened to our prayers, you would detect the insecurities of a bunch of hapless orphans trying to convince a mean spirited and aloof authority figure to at least leave some morsels. They kind of sound like "Please notice me, God. Me. Over here."

Repeatedly, we bring our needs in prayer - like God was deaf the first time we asked? Or that He was too busy? Or maybe the first time we did not SAY the right words? We do anything to ensure that our "little needs" make it to heaven's daily briefing.

*sigh*

I believe the body of Christ needs a spiritual "lobotomy."

We have accepted an orphan's mentality. Even though we sing about being adopted and being loved, deep within our mindsets is a fearful child-like nature, who anticipates scarcity. Therefore, we need to guarantee for ourselves a piece of the ever shrinking pie.

When we have a need, subconsciously - you know, beyond all our spiritual lingo of trusting God - we are afraid . Instead of being convinced of a Daddy's adoration and relentless desire to provide, we feel like we have to figure out a way twist God's arm. Dreading that He will not answer, we navigate around heaven's protocol to discern how to position ourselves to receive the blessing.

Does anyone but me do this? Do you see the insanity of it all?

God is a loving, kind Father. We are his kids. How many loving and kind dads do NOT want to provide terrific, over-the-top things to their kids?

If we will live by this belief, as opposed to the orphan mentality, then our prayers will change. They will be more from the heart of thanksgiving. Rather than begging and pleading, we humbly say "Thanks, God. I know You will provide this need." And we leave it at that. We rest in the truth that, in His season and timing, He will come through.

No banging down doors. No pitiful pleas. Just a restful trust in His character.

Oh, I know that there are times to "ask and keep asking" because the Word says that. I have no desire to get into doctrinal disagreements. Because even in those cases, the foundation of our prayers has to be the absolute confidence in a Father who is good and will come through. As always, I believe there is balance in kingdom principles. However, in my opinion, in this area we are way out of balance. We act like beggars not sons.

It seems that humans have a nagging need to be "doing something." To just sit still and trust, in quiet, seems lazy or counter productive. So we pray. We do warfare. We repeat ourselves ad nauseum. "Surely, our efforts will count for something? God cannot and will not work without my telling Him how or when and why, right?" (oh, come on, you know you do it. :o))

How silly. Like our fleshly activities will beget spiritual answers? HA!

I was reading in Psalm 27 today and saw it in a different light. David ends the litany of promises and assurances about God's character of being stronghold and protector with the repetition of "Wait." I think David's point is this: in the first 13 verses who God is and what He will do is laid out. Therefore, in verse 14, David basically says "Just wait. Trust. All this stuff I described in the previous verses will manifest. But you have to wait expectantly."

Touche.

I do not want to be a broken record in my prayers. I desire to come higher in embracing my sonship rather than behaving like an orphan at every crisis.

"Daddy, You ARE good. I thank you that in whatever need or fear I have today, YOU WILL come through with abundance and goodness, way beyond anything I can ask or think. Amen. I will not say another word. Do Your thang, God." *grin*

You Just Never Know

2009-02-17T06:39:00.003-05:00

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am passionately drawn to "the one". To me, the Kingdom of God is transferred, through us, one person at a time, often in the most obscure places.

Daily, as I enter the schools as a substitute teacher, I pray "God WHO is 'the one' today?" Not that I directly preach the Word (although, if it comes up, you bet I speak for HIM especially in science classes where the creation screams His name! *smile*)but I seek to be sensitive. Each of these kids was woven together in his or her mother's wombs. Each one. Each life. They are so important to God. He has a hope and a future for every single one. Maybe all God 'needs' is one of His kids to start praying. I long to be that one called to pray or do whatever for "the one" to whom He has called me.

Daily, I feel like I am on a quest. My prayer list grows with individual names. I may never ever know the impact this has but, honestly, it can be pretty exciting as long as I keep my focus on the kingdom reality - for in man's eyes, where numbers and the 'seen" reality matter, what I am doing is nothing.

Okay, with all that said and done, let me share just one more reason I believe this is an important aspect of "ministry".

This morning, I learned that a 17 year old girl died in a local fire. She was a junior at the local High School: a real troubled girl ever since I had run into her in middle school. In fact, she may have already dropped out of school. Who knows.

BUT, here is the humbling part of the story. When Nicole was in 8th grade, she was sitting in the front row of her English Class and, as I often do, I engaged her in conversation. (I absolutely love talking to the troubled kids just to get to know as much of their stories they will share.)

Not surprisingly, Nicole did not divulge any deep information but we did chat a little. At one point, I looked at her and said, with all sincerity, "You are bright. I am not sure anyone has ever told you that but you are no dummy. You have some amazing potential and I want to encourage you not to accept the lies about your life you have adopted." First off, she did not know what 'potential' means (how sad). But then she looked at me wide eyed - she was freaked out like I had invaded her soul.

I then added "I believe life has been very difficult for you but I just want to instill into you some hope that you can turn things around." At that point she bolted to the back of the room. She exclaimed loudly "That woman is weird. She can, like, look into your eyes and tell you your life story." Or something like that.

Inwardly, I smiled. To me, it felt like God was trying to reach her through my words and it was uncomfortable - you know, light penetrating darkness.

From that time on, off and on, I prayed for Nicole - that HE would reveal Himself to her.

Well, sadly, today I discovered that she had died in that fire. I am not sure what was the end of her story. But it just reminds me that "the one" is no minuscule task.

Ya know? I mean here a girl for whom I had a heart when she was in middle school is now dead: not mere coincidence in my mind.

As I go into the middle school today, I am sobered. Which ones, today, Father, need one of your light bearers to encourage him? Love on her with a pat on the shoulder? Smile at him with warmth? Be silly with her? Encourage him?

My heart breaks for Nicole. However, I realize that there are millions of her, out there, crying for love, light, the truth. And the only way each one will discover that love is through His sons and daughters who seek to be sensitive to the situation with "the one."

God forgive me for not being even more intentional in my prayers for these kids. Let this wake me up even further that this is important business. I mean, it has become a matter of life and death - twice now.

Jumping off a Cliff

2009-01-28T15:31:00.004-05:00

I feel like I am jumping off a cliff into unknown territories.

This morning, I called the local college that administers testing for Graduate School application; there just happened to be a cancellation today. "Do you want to come and take it this afternoon?" She asked.

*gulp*

Safe and predictable Karen gushed out "No. It's too soon. I need more time to study."

However, risk taking Holy Spirit whispered "Go for it. I will go with you. You are ready."

Um....er......Do I have to?

I did take the test and my grade is good enough to get in.

Ok. So step one is out of the way. I continue to delve into the steps necessary to begin a doctoral program.

The entire time, though, I find myself arguing with the Father. You see, my life, right now, is very comfortable and relatively safe.

As I walked through Walmart, after taking the test, and I observed the many people around me, I wondered "Why me, Father? I mean - can't I just be like everyone else? Just be a mom, grandma, substitute teacher?" Why in the world should I voluntarily shake things up?

My stomach is in knots, if I am honest.

Oh, I know that the greatest rewards come from great risks. But, shoot, do I have to be one called on to take these? Let some of my friends take the hard road - I will PRAY for them and support them financially. *grin*

I know. I am whining but I am just getting this out there, on paper, to document this process. Some day, I will look back and realize what this inner battle means. It is intense. I want to go back but I know, for some reason, I cannot do that. I would always wonder.

As difficult and scary as this is, there something drawing me. It's a deep yearning; there has to be more. I know that God has something amazing in store. However, I am also aware that playing it safe will not usher in these next wave - whatever that wave is.

Oh but I wish it would, ya know? I wish I could stay in the boat AND walk on water.

A good friend of mine had a dream, last night, that I was getting ready to push out the baby. I was tired of looking at this baby and said to it, "It is time for you to come out." Interesting timing.

Birth is never easy. But it's the process that brings life.

*sigh*

I have taken so many leaps off the cliff in the past 10 years. Each time, after a long free fall, wondering what the heck I just did, the Father always caught me. ALWAYS. And I never regretted the leap.

And so I am trusting that I will experience similar results.

Here goes. On to stage two - filling out the application.

When God says "A" we want "B" also

2009-01-16T20:56:00.004-05:00

I am in a quagmire.

I feel like God is leading me to at least start some courses in an EDD in Educational Leadership. That is no small undertaking. It will require tons of emotional and intellectual energy as well as a humongous financial commitment.

Other than taking the first step of applying for the program, NOTHING else is falling into place. I mean NOTHING. I keep hitting pot holes and road bumps.

The kicker was today when I talked to someone I worked with in Higher Education. Encouragement felt lacking. I left the meeting pretty deflated. "WHY IN THE WORLD would you want to do this kind of work again?" was basically the comment.

Whew.

"Ok, so what AM I thinking? Am I not considering the costs? Do I REALLY want to do that kind of job?"

Then I catch myself.

The Father is not directing me, specifically, to what will happen after I get the degree. He is simply directing me to try out a few courses. In fact, He has been very firm in pointing out that the only thing I can concentrate on is the next step. Period. Do not look at the huge picture of getting a degree but a journey consisting of one small step at a time. Eventually, I will hit a destination but the destination is not the goal. The next step is.

Does that make any sense?

My human nature is twisted in knots right now. "God. You mean to tell me that I have to start this program? I have to invest so much of life into this and YOU are not going to tell me what I will do with it when it is done? You won't even let me look at the end any way. Geesh."

Good grief.

I like to KNOW. It feels so unfair and now even more daunting after the conversation, today, that virtually dissuaded me from what I thought I wanted to do.

God is merely smiling. I can see Him right now. Kinda like "gotcha". *sigh*

I do not want to be stupid. I do believe in "counting the cost" before we step out. I mean that is biblical. But maybe we count the cost so much that we count ourselves right out of the greatest risk taking adventures that, on the other side, possess the most amazing blessings. Sometimes we just have to obey without getting trapped by the paralysis of analysis. I am the heavy weight title bearer of that prize!

I read somewhere, once, that faith without a risk is not real faith.

Maybe kingdom life is the same way. Without a risk, it falls a tad short (or lots short?) of the kingdom.

If everything in life can be planned out to fit perfectly in a box that I can predict and control, where is faith required?

I guess the point is that God, I believe, has told me "A". Before today, I also thought I had "B" planned out to justify jumping into A. However, B has exploded before my eyes yet A has not. YIKES!

And even in pursuing A, I keep hitting roadblocks. I think many of us take a roadblock as a "sign" that screams "Stops. It's not His will!" (Or we see open doors as pointing to His will.). That, too, is dangerous ground. The final determinant is not circumstances. Honestly, it feels pretty scary to be led by situations or other people's opinions. The ultimate question, ALWAYS, is "What did GOD say?" not what doors are opening or closing and what does that other person think?

Following circumstances has let me off the hook one two many times. I cannot go that way any more. I have to hear HIS voice and then stick to it even if His voice is only addressing a teeny part of the picture.

Doggone it. I want the whole enchilada! Or I want a way out. I like ease and comfort! :o)

I am not sure I really like this.

Then again, God never asks my opinion! *smile*

In my Weakness....HE is faithfully strong

2009-01-03T08:20:00.004-05:00

"In my weaknesses HE is strong." II Corinthians 12:7-10 (paraphrased and edited. :o))

I think I am starting to see this more clearly.

There are constant thoughts, in my head, that are outright lies. They bombard me. They have been bombarding me all my life. Honest. Lies full of fear, jealousy, insecurity, anger etc.

How I long to be free of these.

But, like Paul, I am beginning to realize something. The key, for me, is not in finding complete deliverance but in being determined to not heed the lies: to recognize them when they arise and reject them immediately.

I am helpless, on my own, against them. Many of them, truly, have determined my identity. I mean, my gosh, if you have accepted fear your entire life as being normal, it makes sense that choices will reflect these fears even so subtly and subconsciously.

Oh, I am not in a pit of despair over this. I simply observe and ponder: "What is GOD's opinion on this one?"

I believe I am seeing it - this battle for my mind is a daily excursion. And if I remain on top of it, it will not be paralyzing or controlling of my emotional state. The lies will not be the determining factor any more of my life IF I remain vigilant, taking EVERY thought captive, as Paul exhorts in II Corinthians 10:4-6.

As God said to Paul in II Corinthians 12 - I may never be delivered from this doggone "thorn" for it keeps me desperate, daily, for His might and power. Finally, over the past few years, I have the upper hand but they are far from completely removed. Situations regularly spark the fires of fear; it is up to me if I will follow that flame or retreat into His promises and strength.

The daily"working out my salvation" (Philippians 2:12)- this is what that looks like huh?

I hope none of this sounds hopeless for I don't feel hopeless. Oh sure, it would be tons easier to not have to deal with these thoughts. But, alas, I believe it would have been easier for Paul to not have his messenger of Satan either. This is why he prayed three times to have it removed.

The victorious life is not necessarily removal of all struggle but is overcoming in the midst of struggle. It's demonstrating, to the powers of darkness, that we, as children of the King, will not be pummeled by the lies they inflict. Instead, we will turn it back on them with the weapons of warfare that He pours into us.

In Ephesians 3:10 it says that we manifest the wisdom of God to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms. I believe the powers of darkness are "humbled", so to speak, when a child of God refuses to accept the lies that bombard his soul daily and, instead, returns the barbs with the truths from the Word.

So each time they direct a lie at me and I respond with kingdom authority and wisdom, they are seeing the wisdom of God manifest in me. Wow! That is a cool concept. The powers of darkness will only see the wisdom of God through His kids who refuse to succomb to their garbage.

I guess what I am saying - instead of giving up because I still have these thoughts, I continue to press into HIM, daily, realizing that I am not behind or forgotten. In fact, I am precisely where I need to be - helpless and weak apart from HIM. And the lies I battle prove my utter dependence on His strength.

In a really weird way, God uses our humanity to demonstrate His wisdom. HA! That is a neat way of looking at it. Yes?

For the past 10 or so years, I have awaited complete deliverance. It has not come. However, I am able to rise above the lies when they enter. Oh sure, there are days where the battle is intense. And it feels like I have made no progress what-so-ever. But ya know what? I have made progress for I am not completely bamboozled by the stuff any more. I am not full of suicidal thoughts and hopelessness.

I am an Overcomer. Even if I do not "feel" like it on days, I am an Overcomer. Feelings are so inane. Why do we believe them? Silly. The truth is what the Word says, not my doggone feelings.

Thanks God. Thanks that YOU have brought me so far and I continue on this journey even when it makes no sense to me. :o)

The Incredible Kindness of God

2008-12-26T08:43:00.004-05:00

I have become more sensitive to the voices in my head.

No, not "those" voices. *grin* But the thoughts that drive me. Isn't it true that our thoughts form the bedrock of our lives?

Lately, I have been noticing the tone of the voice in my head. It has a hard "edge" to it. Even when I am doing okay, there is, usually, a harshness to the things I believe about myself.

If you saw how I was raised, it would make sense. Sharp criticism was abundant. Nothing was ever close to being good enough. I, as a human, even as a child, was never good enough. That is all that needs to be said. Certainly, I do not desire to delve into a sob story; the coolest thing about the real gospel is that God is a restorer and redeemer of all the junk of our past. I continue to be amazed at how deeply and profoundly go His healing and deliverance!!!!

Soaking in the Word and His presence, I realize more the stark contrast of the edge I have accepted as His voice and His overwhelming kindness. There is no similarity.

Wow. You mean all these years I have agreed with that tone, which I thought was correction, I was receiving something not from His Spirit? The shrill sound that I labeled the "discipline of the Lord" is not His heart?

Man. That is a revelation for me. Not only because of my home environment did I accept those voices but the sermons to which I have been subject all these years. More often than not, there seemed to be anger and shame spewing forth from pulpits. Since these were leaders speaking, I assumed it was truth. "Well, it certainly jibes with what I have observed; therefore, it must be God's voice."

This explains why I have tried, so doggone hard, at working out my salvation. I do not like harshness in tone. It has always had a paralyzing effect on my soul. I will do anything to avoid the cold stares or bitter tone. (oh that silly perfectionism that drove me all these years! *smile*)And to think that is how I have thought God talks.

How freeing to realize, as I examine more carefully my thought life, that God is full of kindness toward me EVEN when I am missing it - which is a lot. *grin* As I write that, I can smile. He is not fit to be tied when I, in my immaturity and, flat out sinful struggles, fall short. In fact, He expects me to fall short. That is why the righteousness in me is never up to me. He is my Righteousness. I cannot do a doggone thing to be more righteous. So it frees Him up to just love all over me in spite of "me" at times.

Thank You, God.

You see, God is abounding in kindness. I am not sure we even recognize how kind He is; there seems to be a famine of kindness in life doesn't there? It feels rare, at least in my experience. Then again, when you grow up in the type of environment I was raised, kindness was foreign so maybe one simply learns not to expect it. Still, something tells me this experience is more common than we care to admit.

But God is kind. When Moses asked to see His glory, in Exodus 33, what did God say? "Moses, My kindness will pass before you today." In other words, "Moses, My glory is in my kindness." WOW! God could have chosen any attribute - holiness, jealousy, wisdom, etc. But He equated His glory cloud with kindness. It is that important to Him that we see that.

As usual, any change in our lives starts in our minds. The basis of a transformed life is the renewing of our minds: the "repentance" (change) from what we have believed or accepted as truth and the receiving, in faith, of what is His truth.

Thus, I have embarked on an exciting journey. I am learning to throw out all that junky thinking one little experience at a time. Even if the thought is true, I am recognizing that the edge to it is not His tone. He is full of love and kindness - not a shaming correctiveness.

The most exciting thing in this is that it has opened my eyes, also, to the tone I use with my children. I am humbled. I believe I am a good mom. I really do. (ONLY - absolutely ONLY because of HIS continual work in me) But, my goodness, all these years that "tone" has come forth from me as I corrected them or taught them.

As God changes me, because I am submitting my thoughts life more deeply to Him, I am noticing some changes in how I speak to my family.

His kindness. Can you imagine if we, as the body, exuded THAT to a world starving to experience kindness? We would be a beacon on a hill to which they would hasten.

But we cannot act on it until it becomes part of our experience, personally. And so I press in. Not in self loathing or even strong shoulds and oughts. Nah. No more. Just in the sheer longing to know His voice, teeming with kindness!

Feeding the Poor - there has to be more.

2008-12-21T08:35:00.003-05:00

It's become a yearly event.

A local ministry serves a free meal in one of the down trodden areas of the city. It took place last night and I went and helped.

Watching and pondering, throughout the night, I felt sad, helpless and confused. Frankly speaking, the people who entered the room were weird. (PLEASE hear me out before you judge me, okay?) They are obviously poor, destitute, mentally challenged and "different" than my social circle - VERY different. Because of that, it feels kind of easy to just brush them off as throw aways or "less thans". Come on. Unless you are much more spiritual than I, is not that how we view them if we are honest? (maybe you are better than me which is fine. I am being nakedly candid with my own selfishness and pride. Yet, at the same time, immersed in His love and patience with me as He teaches and challenges. *grin*)

It was uncomfortable. And that is when I started processing.

Here I am, a son of God; a light of the world; an ambassador for the kingdom of God and I was tongue tied and lost at what to say. Combine that with my hidden pride and I am facing a sad state of affairs within. "GOD, what in the world is YOUR heart on this matter?" I pleaded, as the evening progressed. "Certainly, Your kindness is available to these precious ones!" I battled my inclination to view them as "non persons".

At that point, my mind traveled into an arduous journey. This could be kind of "in your face" but, hey, it was in MY face and I want to "take as many prisoners" as I can. I will not be the only one God dismantles! *grin*

Here goes.

Let's face it. The church has done a dismal job in reaching out to the poor and destitute. Oh sure, we serve our yearly or monthly meals; we open clothes closets; we send our youth groups on annual pilgrimages to paint some houses and repair some gutters. We do really well at that. And at the yearly "review" of our lives, we pat ourselves on the back for reaching out to the poor.

Goodness me. Can we be so blind and superficial?

God forgive us. Isn't it obvious that this is a band aid? The same people come to our events, over the years. Nothing ever changes for them, does it? If they encountered the kingdom - a true life experience with the kindness of God through His people - there would be changes, don't you think?

Oh, please don't hear criticism of meals and painting parties. My gosh. We need to keep doing these things. I am simply admitting, to myself, that it's not enough.

So where is the disconnect? The bottom line, I believe, is that the kingdom of God is spread through relationship. Not crusades. Not blowing in once a year to complete a project. But through the regular contact called friendship/mentorship/relationship. Isn't that the rub, though? Talk about taking us on a crash course out of our comfort zone. It's much easier to serve a meal or donate our clothes than to actually interact regularly with "them."

Yet God's heart and kindness and delivering/healing power is available to the poor and broken of society.

In fact, as I sat before the Father late last night, seeking HIS heart on the matter, He spoke this: "Karen, these people are the inside out representation of society. They are you. They are your friends. How? Their brokenness, and destitute state is obvious. Having no way to cover their poverty and neediness, it's clearly apparent how wretched they are. The only difference between you and them is that, through education, money, privilege and religious pretense, most people have perfected the art of masking and even ignoring how pitiful they are apart from My mercy and kindness."

Wow.

I want to view them as "non persons". God says "Hey. You are exactly like that, my child, truth be told."

So what is the answer God? How clear it is that You have more for these "little ones" than we are doing! We build our fancy buildings and expect them to come. They will not. We pass out our flyers, inviting them to our crusades, praying we can dose them with "the gospel" and "get them saved" but it does nothing in the big picture of changing lives.

They obviously need deliverance (so do/did I). They obviously need healing emotionally and physically (so do/did I). They obviously need the revelation of the Father's kindness and love toward them (so do/did I).

They don't need another church service.

As much as it crumbles our comfort zone, the solution is building true relationships - getting in, where they live and loving on them on a regular basis. Oh, I have no idea how to do that for it's not like I even "know" anyone from that part of society.

Still, I have begun to pray - even if it's just ONE for me - anyone that knows me knows I am all about the one - I will reach out to that one. I will become her friend. So I am believing God to set up something for me where I can be His personal hands and feet to that one.

I am tired of superficial ministry. I am weary of all the things that "feel" good but do not usher in an infusion of the kingdom of God.

I am so broken without the kindness of God invading every cell of my body on a regular basis. Where would I be without all the deliverance that has occured for me? I am not better than these people.

I am them. They are me. Mind boggling.

Salvation. The kingdom. It encompasses so much more than raising your hand and "accepting Jesus" as your Saviour. May we learn how to bring THAT kingdom to the lost and dying of this world.

I seek to keep learning, Father.

His Love and My Weirdness

2008-12-14T11:14:00.004-05:00

Do you ever feel like a stupid misfit?

I do.

My gosh. I feel like I am wired so differently from main stream. Christmastime only exacerbates these painful thoughts.

I will spare the details of why I feel so out of place, especially this time of year; it is not the point of the blog. Suffice to say, more often than not, I see myself as a square peg in a very round holed society.

Christmas is always difficult. How society celebrates, decorates, and gives/buys is counter intuitive for me.

This year, instead of getting supremely depressed, like I usually do, I have been battling, with HIS power, all those thoughts.

"Daddy, Father, You made me the way I am. NO ONE is weird to You. So I really need Your help. HOW can I celebrate this season that is in line with who I am; a way that is comfortable, not forced?"

Often, instead of remaining still, before the Father, when we are feeling vulnerable and insecure, we clutch a concentrated focus on those around us. We compare. Or we squeeze ourselves into perceived expectations. And, voila, we fall short.

All the while, our Father, who created every unique cell in our body, is whispering. "Hey, daughter/son, I have an idea. I have a plethora of ideas for you. In fact, I have unparalleled schemes ONLY YOU can fulfill. They are so excitingly individualized that I am about to pop a gasket in longing to tell you. But you are too busy looking left and right and feeling out of place. Seek Me. Wait. I will show you."

Oh. I want to get better at waiting on that voice.

I get too discouraged, impotent and, frankly, depressed because I consciously and unconsciously insist on comparative analysis. *sigh* Instead, I seek to wait on the tornado breath from above, that instills peace and confidence that my seeming freakishness is designed for something exciting. And that plan is what fits me: no one else There is only one of me. This means I am an over the top conduit through whom He seeks to manifest a piece of the kingdom.

If I force myself to be like everyone else, or get so down that I am not like everyone else, I will miss the bulls eye of ME.

So this Christmas, after two weeks of struggle, I received some ideas that fit me. They are far from main stream and almost void of any huge expenditure or extreme busyness. But they feel right: hand in glove simplicity yet replete of my personal way of displaying love to those I want to bless.

"Thanks so much, Daddy, Father. So so much. As You are patient with me, I will move further along in embracing who I am rather than bemoaning it. If I can make it past Christmas with this monumental change of heart and accept my way of celebrating, I can make it through anything like this as it's been such an "eye sore" to my soul for many many years."

Life After Kids..........

2008-11-14T09:16:00.004-05:00

Once long ago, I was a full time career woman doing something I loved. I had an impressive title with the impressive degrees accompanying it. And I absolutely LOVED what I did.

Then came the children.

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom so when GOD implored me to walk away from the career, it was easy. There was no looking back. I embraced the new challenges eagerly and completely.

Fast forward. The children raising season is slowly waning. I can sense it. My sixteen year old insists on fraying the apron strings. Painfully, as I swallow my pride, I relinquish my need to be involved. I release him. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The same battle for independence will soon emerge with my twelve year old. It's only natural.

So NOW WHAT?

Good grief. I have stared that thought in the eye for a few years now. WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN I DO WITH MY LIFE ONCE THE KIDS ARE GONE? Talk about deer in the head lights paralysis of fear!!!!

You see, for twelve years, the kids have been my life. I do not apologize for that. I home schooled for a couple years, prepared well balanced home made meals, went on the field trips etc. I immersed myself in their lives. Even now, I substitute teach in order to remain on the periphery of their interests.

So facing life without kids has been foreboding - feeling like I would fall into the vacuum of oblivion. So many women do that.

Still, I realize that GOD has given me many gifts and talents. I know that. I am born to lead. Oh, trust me, I have tried to shy from that. I mean, gosh, women leaders in my part of the country, especially in the "church", are not welcomed. In fact, in most of the religious circles in which I have run, they are shunned. Women are expected to cook the meals for shut ins, work in the nursery and teach Sunday School. They cannot have titles like elder or apostle. Oh no. NEVER.

But the traditional roles for women are not for me. I have known it. Honestly, though, I have battled that maybe I was too proud; some have said the same when I expressed any dream for leadership. For those reasons, I rejected the deep desires to lead; I avoided thinking about it, feeling like I must have missed it. "Women do not lead. Women cannot be apostles. You are too proud to think that." blah blah blah

But what about the various prophets who declared to me, over the years, "You are called to lead. You have an apostolic anointing. Do not run from that. Many lean into your strength. Your strength is a gift not a curse. Stop believing the lies"?????

What was I supposed to do that all of that?

In other words, I have felt like a square peg trying to fit into round holes when it came to determining where I belonged with my leadership skills and the desires planted deep within.

Slowly, as I sit still before the Father, lately, the pieces seem to be falling into place. It is uncanny. In many ways, all the years of waiting, and being hidden and seeing so much disillusionment is all making sense. ALL those promises spoken to me through tears and fears and longings.

Ok. I am seeing it.

When I looked at the Superintendent of Schools, last week, and thought "I could do that" I was not being arrogant. I was seeing ME. I was seeing where I am called.

I am called to some kind of "high position" in education (not necessarily Supt of Schools) And stating that is not being proud. It is saying who HE says I am, complete with all the honor from heaven that is bestowed on all of us. I have been given much. And now, from that much, much is required.

Now there is so much more to that statement than I can share right now because I need to remain still and listen as these seeds are watered and fertilized. There is also a lot of preparation I need to do in the way of furthering my education etc.

For now, though, I just keep watching and waiting. Networking where I believe I need to network. Pursuing what I need to pursue. Yet nestling quietly with my Father and being faithful to the remaining years of mothering.

Still, for the first time in ten years, I have hope - amazing hope - that there IS life after children. And all those promises GOD had shown me really really ARE valid. Who would have thunk it?

It's been such a long ten years. Even though I had given up on all the dreams, He did not. Whew!

And Graham Cooke said exactly that when he came here in September.

Wow.

Which Kingdom will we seek?

2008-11-03T08:53:00.004-05:00

WAKE UP, Body of Christ!

"You will be disappointed by Egypt as you were by Assyria." Jeremiah 2:36

Remember in 2000 and 2004 when the battle cry, over the election, was sounding sharply and loudly? "We have to PRAY, body of Christ. We are at a crucial point in our nation." Remember that?

Look where we are today! Are we better off? George Bush was supposedly "the answer" for whom we had been longing to reshape our nation. The expectations were high. Frankly, he let us down on numerous fronts.

Today, we hear identical appeals to pray and vote. Many conservative experts proclaim that the stakes are even higher.

Will it ever end? I declare a resounding "NO!" It does not matter who is elected or which party is in control.

When will we get that? When will the children of the King of Kings wake up?

Just as the Israelites, back in Jeremiah's day, were looking for help from the kingdoms of this world, we await messianic solutions from our leaders. A system established by man to solve the ills of society - abortion, homosexuality, greed, poverty etc. holds our confidence. However, the results will repeat themselves; we will be disappointed in our leaders. They will be impotent in the war to erase immorality and its consequences.

It's supposed to be that way, folks. The kingdoms of this world do not possess the answers to the issues driving societal and moral ills. The sole solution to sin is the cross. The only answer to these predicaments is the kingdom of God. Who carries the kingdom of God within her? The body of Christ. Not Washington. Not Wall Street. Nor do education or the Supreme Court.

As GOD implored the Israelites, throughout the prophets, I beseech the same: how much longer, oh people, will we seek other kingdoms to solve our problems?

We do not need the Supreme Court. We do not need the beltway. We certainly do not need main stream media! In fact, the more we bank on their being the answer, the more we distance ourselves from impacting this nation with the life changing power that is in us, the body of Christ.

The kingdom of God is within each and every child of God. (Luke 17:21). And "His kingdom rules over all." Psalm 103:19. So where is the answer to change the sins of society? What, truly, rules the world? The kingdom of God and ONLY the kingdom of God. And, believe it or not, that authority and power is in me and in you. WE are the rulers! WE are the kings and priests! Whew! Why have we acquiesced to the systems of man? Disillusionment will prevail until we take our place!

Because the immorality and detestable societal issues are driven by deeply rooted sin issues, a new law will not yield change. Genuine change originates in a reformed heart. A reformed heart occurs through the revelation from the Spirit of God. The Spirit of God and His deliverance invades earth through God's people interceding and warring over the lives God places in our paths.

A beam of light shatters darkness. The sons of God are the light of the world. See what we possess here? Through our prayers and faith in believing we are the light that conquers evil; through our agreement with HIM, that we carry the kingdom of God, WE can change this nation. WE. Us. People in the supermarkets and schools and small businesses in America.

Honestly, brothers and sisters, I believe the call to the body of Christ is this: "REPENT - turn from your hoping that the President, Congress, Supreme Court, Wall Street, Education and Religion will change our society - for the kingdom of God (which bubbles up in each of us if we will take some time, daily, to seek it) is at hand!" Matthew 4:17

As long as we insist on banking on this election to shape our nation, we will never cease to be disappointed. It has to be that way. For if God blesses anything outside of His absolute lordship, then He is advocating a kingdom outside Himself. God is not duplicitous. I believe it is time we became like Him.

Where is the love?

2008-10-30T08:51:00.004-04:00

One more email this morning outlining how dangerous Obama is for this nation. One more plea to intercede for McCain and Palin.

Most of me agrees whole heartedly with all that is said.

Yet, honestly, another part of me is weeping deeply with something profound - and it is not out of fear if Obama becomes president.

I have an inexplicable sadness for what this election is doing to His body. The divisive anger is unprecedented.

So many feel strongly about this election. Through such intense experiences, walls and barriers are being erected between brothers and sisters. Hate speech prevails.

Both sides are convinced that their man is God's chosen vessel. There are "prophetic" voices in both camps claiming "FINALLY our man is here."

Who is right?

I am not sure. Oh, I have my opinions but, for some reason, I am becoming leery in my views because I am seeing that loving my brothers and sisters is more important than my political stance. And if I hold too tenaciously to my arguments, guess what happens to my love walk? Yup. Flushed down the toilet.

Have we ever considered that every single opinion we have has gone through a filter of our own experiences, cultures and training? And most of that filter is man made. Even when we hear the voice of God, there is that human element that skews our ability to discern truth.

We each hear in part. Each of us.

Oh, I do believe that there is truth. Don't get me wrong. I am far from being a "Why can't we all just get along, " politically correct kind of person. No way. I have very strong opinions - just ask me and you will be bombarded. I believe there are many black and whites in the kingdom of God. Moral relativity makes me puke. *grin*

Still, love has to prevail. It is His command: to love HIM first and then our neighbors. If my opinions con volute my ability to love, then something is gravely wrong. If I find myself highly critical of the supposed "stupidity" of my brothers and sisters who are compelled in their own beliefs, what does that say about my own level of humility and love?

Honestly, I believe God is grieved. I really do. He sees His kids throwing stones at each other over a man. Good grief. How low can we go? How low can I go?

Some of my closest friends are voting for Obama. They believe they are hearing from God on that one. My natural man cringes. My spirit man longs to come higher in dying to self and understanding.

Remember - we each are in process. There are things I simply do not know yet. I am so immature on many fronts. I have bunches of pockets where I cannot "hear" straight from the KING either because of my pride, old wounds, cemented beliefs etc. I need such patience as I continue to learn and grow and be taught.

So it is with other people. They, too, have their immature areas where they are deluded. When I jump down someone's case for not seeing it "clearly", it is more of a reflection of my own arrogance than it is on their supposed "missing it."

Who, on this earth, can claim perfection in their ability to hear from God? I will make sure I steer clear of such a person. *smile*

Yes, Jesus had very strong opinions. But the only time He was adamant and outspoken was with the arrogant, religious and unyielding. Even so, his main message was love and humility - yet always uncompromising with sin.

I will continue to intercede over this election. Trust me on that one. I do feel so strongly on many fronts. YET when those thoughts evolve into egotistical brow beating of the family of God who disagrees with me, then I become a clanging cymbal and ugly irritant.

Being passionate is one thing. Criticizing my brothers and sisters who disagree with me is another.

Honestly - I struggle with both.

Does God Care About the Election?

2008-10-25T08:21:00.003-04:00

I was bowled over the other night: deer in the head lights kind of challenge: I am not sure God is as immersed in our election process as I think.

Ok. I will wait until the pelting with stones abates. *grin*

For me, Miss politically passionate, to entertain such a thought is beyond imagination. As I type, I chuckle "I cannot even believe I am saying this."

So as I bear with my own metamorphosis, I trust you will chose the same response. Just humor me. *smile*

God's control and blueprint is unaffected by who leads our nation. Biblically speaking, how often were His plans, ultimately, thwarted by any leader? Not once. (In fact, how often were the rulers of nations or the directions of nations changed by a nobody? By ONE, strategically placed by GOD, who was outside the politics of the day? (Daniel, Joseph, Esther etc))

Our Father's sole objective is to have sons. From there, He works to mature His children. Is that plan ever neutralized by a human leader? No, unless His children give up and take their eyes off Him; unless His children relinquish their powers and kingdom principles and, instead, become indoctrinated with worldly wisdom and dynamics.

Rather than being engrossed in the fury of this election, maybe we are supposed to pursue love and humility. Maybe we are to pray. Seek HIS face. Press into discover how we, as the carriers of His overpowering glory, can affect our sphere and transform the atmosphere around us.

All this energy. All this money. We pour it into the man made election process. Suddenly, I am sitting back and wondering "God, what do YOU say about all of this? Do you laugh? Do You pine for that same enthusiasm and passion to flow into our learning how to die to self and supernaturally love others? Do You long for a fraction of that time to stream into heart felt repentance, intercession and travail?"

Because I am so opinionated and head strong, I have found myself raging over this election. I mean literally. "HOW can the other side be so stupid?" Last week, I received an email from a far away friend who is as head strong for the "other side"; I was enraged at her ignorance (see my pride here?). Gosh. She is one of my best friends and I was furious. I sought to lash out (but I did not. Whew. THANKS GOD for keeping this bull out of the china closet.) What does that tell me?

Where is my love walk in that response? *sigh*

And so began the process of dismantling my entire focus. If an election can bring such division between sisters, there is something diabolically wrong.

First, it reveals to me that I have some major repentance to face. Secondly, it forces me to seek HIM. "There is something very corrupt here, Father. Look at Your body. Listen to the venom and anger. We are supposed to be one. This election is revealing how far we have strayed from unity. Forgive us."

I still maintain that we are to vote. (Ya. I know. Maybe that sounds hypocritical. But like I said - all of this introspection is radical and new for me). We are Americans and our government has developed this process of electing our leaders. Even Jesus seemed to imply that we are to be involved at some level and Paul implored us to pray for our leaders. But I do not think we are to put much stock into it.

It is not the end of the world or the beginning of wisdom depending on who takes office. It's just another blip in the screen of history.

How God's people respond will decide the fate of this nation. Remember. "If MY PEOPLE will humble themselves and pray and seek MY face, I WILL HEAL THEIR LAND - whether you are led by a Republican, Democrat or Spongebob. Look to ME in humility. Strive to bring MY glory to Your situations. There lies the answers, children."

The ruler of the world lives in His body. The ONE who controls every change has chosen to fill His children with His power. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead resides in each and every child of God. Gosh! I believe it's time we seek to access that, in humility and repentance and discover His wisdom regarding all the problems this nation faces.

Don't ya think He has every answer we need as individuals and as a nation? Maybe we are not receiving these revelations because we are not seeking out HIS wisdom like starving men. How can we? We are too busy arguing over politics. At least I know that I am.

"God keep teaching me. By far, I only have a teeny part of what You seem to be saying. But I believe I am on to some life altering truth here. Release into me the Spirit of Wisdom and Understanding. I need it desperately."

"His eye is on the Sparrow.."

2008-10-09T13:34:00.003-04:00

I believe our family experienced a miracle today!

Because my husband works for the State, fear could easily be our constant companion as numerous rumors of layoffs have circulated. However, I kept battling - for him and for me - and have insisted on speaking the promises of HIS favor and protection as opposed to the reports of man.

In fact, just this morning I turned off one of my talking radio shows: "I do not need to be filling the atmosphere of my home with negativity." I listened to a sermon on my ipod instead. "GOD I HAVE TO TRUST YOU during these uncertain times!!! I do not need to figure it all out. No logic. No lists. No forecasts. Just pure faith in my foundation called the love and protection of my Daddy."

And so I need to fill my mind and the atmosphere with faith talk, not political figuring, finger pointing and, thus, confusion and negativity.

Let me digress a little for some history of our miracle.

A year ago, the big wigs in my husbands office "ordered" him to move to the air division. Confused and frustrated, he had no alternative but to transfer. I felt God assure me "I am on this; trust Me." *gulp* OK.

A month ago, suddenly, the same people invaded his office. "The higher ups at the State level insist that you return to tanks. We do not know why but we must move you now." Within 2 days, he was back where he started, still confused about all this jockeying.

"God WHAT in the world is up?"

"Trust ME daughter."

Well, I believe we now know why. And it shows that GOD watches His kids.

This morning, 16 positions in air, across the state, were cut - one of them being a guy who had sat right next to my husband.

"You mean to tell me, God, that YOUR favor over your kids will go as high as the STATE level to make sure your kids are protected?"

In other words, obviously, THEY knew something we did not - air was vulnerable to cuts. So they insulated my husband from being laid off.

In reality, in my opinion, its was God's insulation moving through man.

During these rough spells, brothers and sisters, we have to stand firm on our foundation that our Protector WILL provide for His kids. His children will be miraculously protected. I am convinced of that.

In September, a word was brought through a prophet, that this would be the year of Gods favor for those who would war for it and not sit back in passivity any more.

Lord knows how often this woman wars for her family. NOT pointing to me but just reminding all of us - yes the promises ARE there. Let's be faithful in our intercession in seeing them through.

I believe I just experienced one of those miracles.

THANKS GOD!

If MY people...........

2008-10-02T08:45:00.003-04:00

"If MY people will.............humble themselves....................turn from THEIR wicked ways....pray.........THEN (and only then) will I heal their land." II Chronicles 7:14

Blaming Washington, Wall Street and Hollywood for the decay and ruin in which our nation finds itself is our tendancy isn't it? We rest in the hope that a new president will heal our land.

So we engage in political debate. We donate funds to the campaigns. We urge others to vote. All well and good, to an extent.

But is it biblical? Oh sure, being involved and informed is wisdom but should it be our foundation in seeking change in this nation? I boldly declare "NO!"

With a deeply driven passion, I implore the body of Christ to return to HER roots. The Word is clear that the healing of our land resides completely on the shoulders of the body of Christ. And it is not if the body is involved politically.

Whether or not this land makes a turn around will be determined by the body of Christ cleaning up her own act and praying for the land. Once we do that, then political involvement could be a next step. But until our own house is cleaned up, and we are fervently interceding, we have no business trying to clean up the mess out there.

We are guilty of hypocrisy, greed, pride and selfish ambition yet we point fingers at Washington. Father forgive US! As I peer myopically into my own mirror comparing my reflection to the purity of Christ, I have nothing to say against a soul. As I dissect my prayer life, I am embarrassed.

The solution to our woes as a nation will be found in whether the body repents and then prays. Period. Pretty simple.

Even Ezekial pointed to such a response.

In Ch 22, he is describing the sins of the nation and how it deserves to be punished. Yet God, in HIS mercy, practically BEGS the people, in verse 30 "PLEASE will someone rise up and stand in the gap and pray for this mess? For if you do - if that one person will stand in faith and intercede - I will not bring the disaster their sins have deserved."

Pretty powerful incentive. Pretty strong language with an amazingly miraculous promise. You mean we are not doomed? There is an answer? YES!

I know. I am being forthright and blunt. But, alas, I think the time is over for watered down mediocrity in our approach to holiness and purity. Additionally, our limp wristed, selfishly driven prayers are in dire need of change. The nations ills are indicative of a very sick church and, thus, the season for drastic measures and cutting to the chase is here.

I am convinced that the healing of our land will be decided by the body of Christ and how she responds to the spirit calling her to repentence, purity and prayer. Who cares what Gallup says about where the "conservative base" will vote.

I declare that our posture in personal holiness and prayer will decide the direction of this nation. It seems to me that this sentiment was spoken in II Chronicles many years ago.

The question is will we listen?

A Turning Point for United States

2008-09-28T08:15:00.003-04:00

Our nation is in turmoil.

Even our so called leaders have admitted "no one knows what to do." (Senator Harry Reid last week)

However, Someone DOES have the answers. And that is the God above who longs to speak through His chosen leaders for such a time as this. God possesses every answer we need for every problem. The time is certainly NOW that we need those answers.

I believe God has tucked away in the recesses of this nation, leaders who have been "faithful in the small": leaders in government, education, Wall Street and Hollywood whom HE is slowly raising up. They are people who have learned to hear and discern His voice and now are ready to lead in the area for which they have been groomed.

Only kingdom wisdom will solve the numerous crises we face. And that wisdom manifests in His body.

This next crop of leaders will be pure in heart. Not tempted by money or titles or name recognition, their sole passion will be to see the kingdom of God increase on this earth even if it means that their names are never known or their personal pocket books are never filled.

I honestly believe that Sarah Palin is an example of this. She is the very public example of what GOD is doing across this land: unveiling the Davids who have been hidden in the fields taking care of their sphere of influence with purity and passion.

( I am not claiming that I agree completely with John McCain. Honestly speaking, prior to his choosing Palin, I had decided to sit this election out for I am so disillusioned with all that Washington mess. The answers, as you have heard me say, are not in these people. And Sarah Palin is not perfect. I am simply contending that Governor Palin is an object lesson of what GOD is doing everywhere - raising up the "unknowns" to take their place and bring stability and wisdom to the various aspects of our society where we are in dire need of wisdom and purity. Too much corruption , greed and man's wisdom have not only controlled government and Wall Street but also the church.)

Let's pray to see more of this happen.

At this juncture, prayer is the position many of us are called to take. Let's not give up or throw up our hands brothers and sisters. God has an incredible plan in all of this - HE always does.

Agree with HIM in prayer that His leaders will come forth and be heard!

Politics and God....

2008-09-04T08:04:00.004-04:00

I absolutely ADORE Sarah Palin.

And something tells me, most reading this post have similar sentiments. Because she seems so down-to-earth, just like you and me, small town mom, every "normal" American Citizen resonates deeply with her. What a stark contrast to the typical "royalty, we are better than you" mentality of the Washington elite.

HOWEVER....................yes, here we go..............

I think it is imperative, as the body of Christ, to not lose our bearings over this. Yes, she has ushered in electrifying excitement; however we need to take a tiny step back.

Newsflash:

Washington is not the answer to the ills of the world.

Oh sure, with its high taxes, corruption, arrogance and overburdening regulations, it has created a mess. Government needs to make gargantuan changes in how it leads this country. I have already apologized to my kids for the national debt we are leaving them! (let alone the consequences we, as a nation, are facing from the sin of abortion)

But a kingdom of this world can never be the change agent set up by God. And this means that in reality (because I believe that REAL reality is not something we "see" but something beyond us in the heavenlies) the kingdom of GOD and those adhering to its standards are the ones established to change society.

Oh, I know that God uses governments for His agenda. But no kingdom established by this world, whether it is government, education, economic, etc, can be fully trusted to carry the glory of GOD which is required for the change we desire.

And I am not making a clarion call for the local church either. Frankly speaking, most churches, today, have been formed under the spirit of religion rather than the Holy Spirit. They cannot coexist. That is all I will say about that. *smile*

Biblically speaking, the kingdom always made huge inroads and performed society changing miracles through ONE person at a time. Now maybe that "one" gets his or her fuel from their involvement in the local church. There is a time and place for it.

But the church is not the answer either - at least not the four walled systems you and I envision when I say "church."

The Body of Christ - you and me as individuals in unity with each other - is the one that is called to usher in monumental reformations for the ills of society.

I contend that many of us have lost sight of that. We attend to our daily affairs of going to work, doing the laundry, paying the bills and then attending church on Sunday. That is our life. Day in and day out. Little thought is given to the fact that each of us -wherever we are - carry the glory of GOD into that particular environment. And that glory CAN bring more life changing atmospheric change than any Vice Presidential Candidate! (although HER influence, as a ONE, is certainly HUGE..............I am not trying to dismiss that either)

Just think about it. I mean really.

If every member of the body of Christ would not only BELIEVE that he or she had a "ministry" to change the particular sphere into which they were assigned, by heaven, and then they actually acted on that, in faith (not presumption but "I will wait on GOD, and intercede fervently and then SAY or DO what HE tells me to say or do- nothing more and nothing less"), we would change our world.

Yes, it would be one life at a time. However, if each member of the body of Christ were the conduit of kingdom change into one life, how many lives would be affected? Through such a kingdom led method, it would not take long for change to permeate America.

There is no way GOD can turn over all the kingdom authority to Washington. He uses leaders; He always has, to be vessels of His plan. However, these vessels, throughout the Word, were merely paving the way for HIS people to be the actual deliverers and changers when society needed a radical over haul.

It does not take a rocket scientist to see the our society is in dire need of change.

Never-the-less, rather than putting so much stock in the breath of fresh air that Sarah Palin truly is, let's remember WHO holds the creative, resurrection power. You and me.

The SAME Holy Spirit who raised JESUS from the dead lives in me and you. Do you think GOD gave us that same spirit just to go to church on Sunday, maybe use our gifts there, and then, simply go to work on Monday?

The power of the kingdom is for every aspect of our lives. And once we start tapping into that and infusing society, wherever we are planted, with that power, change cannot help but occur.

So yes, I applaud Sarah Palin as much, if not MORE than the next guy. I consider myself her number one fan. Her sphere of influence, with the spirit in her, is huge. But I have to continually remind myself that Washington Politics is not the answer. (although it is an important one!!!)

I am the answer to MY sphere.

You are the answer to YOUR sphere.

For I am the light of the World.

And so are you!

SHINE, with HIS might and power, where ever He has you assigned and see if you don't see some really cool things start to happen!

the protection of the process

2008-08-21T21:07:00.005-04:00

Another national minister has fallen. So that is the news I hear. Not being interested in details, I simply read the news and shudder.

Shudder? Why?

Because we are all capable of all kinds of heinous actions. Okay. Okay. Maybe you are more stable and established than I am. But, frankly, I see my culpability and I cringe.

There is a powerful biblical principle in developing leaders that, on many fronts, has been ignored in the body of Christ. It is called "the process". Another word for it is character refinement.

Because most seek to avoid this painful preparation, the dark places of peoples' souls are never healed and delivered from all the junk left by "life". The result? Unfaced strongholds, temptations and weaknesses fester; they are hidden, denied, ignored or spiritualized.

We may white wash them with a strong anointing or powerful gifting but the enemy is cognizant of these vulnerabilities. He knows which buttons to push to set up a hard fall. Seizing the perfect opportunity, he hits the bulls eye when we least expect it. Why do we not see it coming? Because the launching pad of his assault, a weakness in our soul, was kept sequestered from our conscious: it was not "spiritual"; it was too ugly and humbling. Why deal with THAT kind of junk?

Time and again we see this happen. A man or woman falls into a horrible sin and the reverberations of the shock are heard around the world.

In the kingdom, character is more crucial than a talent or gift or even the anointing. In most circles of humanity, however, we promote talent. We hand titles over to unproven and unmolded men or women because of the anointing or gift.

What a travesty.

I am thankful that I was protected from premature promotion. Initially, because I held myself in higher esteem than I ought, I was peeved that I did not move up on the ministerial ladder. I know I have talents and gifts. I thought I was ready. Goodness, am I so humbled by a Father who knew me and all that hidden "stuff" better than I did. In His wisdom, He knew to "send me away" to boot camp where some pretty horrendous garbage in my soul was faced head on.

So you know why I shudder when I hear of someone's fall? Because I know from where I have come. I know what I had to face, in me, to become more healed and delivered. If it were not for God's grace in plopping me down, away from ministry, my name would have made a headline some where, eventually. I guarantee it.

I never did "fall" completely but my propensities in various areas keep me humble and in desperate need of Him daily.

Honestly, I do not feel like I am alone. Headlines prove that one. And that is why I am a firm believer in accountability on a very intimate level and a extensive and deep process of healing and deliverance: i.e. character development.

The body of Christ, in my opinion, has walked in denial long enough. We have assumed God would ignore all those issues of character. Figuring that an anointing proves someone is approved of the Lord, we blindly promote leaders who are wrought with hidden issues.

I think those seasons are over.

God longs for purity in His leaders. And that will only come through the biblical process of preparation. If Jesus required 30 years, why would we need any less?

I am so thankful for the refiner's fire. It has not been fun but it has protected me from me. *smile* I pray the body of Christ will throw off its denial and pretense and begin to permit the deeper work of the Holy Spirit into our hidden fears, jealousies, temptations, control, lusts etc.

[I am leery of any leader who does not have a "story" regarding deep work that lasted more than a week (*smile*) and who does not have someone watching over his or her soul in intimate accountability.]

As we embark into the extensive character training, we will hear less of others' falls and more of the victorious life, both in public AND private, that the kingdom provides.

The double edged sword of sensivity

2008-08-08T09:42:00.005-04:00

I am so doggone sensitive.

In many ways, I believe, this depth and sensitivity is a tremendous gift from God: an avenue through which I can speak into the recesses of others' souls with healing and comforting words from above.

However, there is an overwhelming downside to this trait. With ease, painful arrows penetrate with the seemingly most innocuous experience. Some of the things that pierce my gut would raise eyebrows in most. "THAT hurt you? Why? I mean, good grief, any 'normal' person would not even notice."

Okay. Okay. So who said I was normal? *grin*

It has only been in the past 10 years I have seen this extreme sensitivity and depth as a gift. Because is has caused so much pain and misunderstanding (for how many years did I hear, growing up, "You are too sensitive." Or even recently "You are too intense, Karen."), I have been utterly ashamed of so much of ME.

Finally, I embrace the gift in this. I really do. In fact, I have come to appreciate this about me for I see that there are unique aspects of my personality, especially when it comes to walking with hurting people.

However, it is imperative that I seek ways to overcome the down side of this propensity.

When I am hurt or offended, my natural response is to build a wall: Indifference. Anger. Self pity. Passive Aggressive Revenge. Silence. You name it. I do it. It is my safety. My fortress to ensure I will not experience hurt again from that person or experience.

The walls are held together by my mind's incessant replaying of the event that stung. Such repetition justifies my need for walls. It is my "right". If I do not protect myself, who will?

Yeah. And that begs question, "and how is that a kingdom response?" Try as I might, I cannot devise that answer. In other words, building my own defense or self protective shield is not a kingdom response.

So how in the world do I do otherwise? I am supposed to keep that part of me "open"? You have to be kidding.

He is gently challenging me. "K, you can trust ME to be Your shield." Good grief. You mean to tell me, Father, that I have to keep those deepest wounded places of my soul OPEN and trust YOU to protect me? You mean to tell me that I have to stay connected to people and not run behind all those creative ways I have devised for protection over the years?"

"Yes, daughter, that is what I am saying."

*sigh*

The FIRST step in this, I have found, is to stop replaying the event in my head. EACH time the situation comes up, I must resist it. Flat out. Now, in my own ability, I am as about as effective at arresting this as I would be in slowing down an 18 wheeler with my fist! In fact, when I first start to resist the thoughts, even in HIS strength, nothing much feels different. The thought pops right back.

But I have no choice if I am to overcome my defensive posturing.

Feelings may take a while to catch up. Additionally, truthfully, between me and you? NOTHING in my will wants to stop rehashing the situation. There is some weird pay off in repeating an event and how much it hurt. It justifies my protective shield. If I lay down my right to replay the event, and my right to be angry and hurt, I am laying down a part of my fortress.

Thus, I face that choice: Whose will? Mine or His? I will CHOOSE His will even though I don't necessarily WANT to walk in holiness and lay down my "right" to holding on to this hurt.

And so I embark on a new journey. Resisting my natural bent of self protection that is driven by the re runs in my mind. I so much need the power of heaven in this.

The walls of self defense need to come down but they will only come down as the thoughts holding them together are dismantled by my own choice in resisting.

In other words, there is no magic in this. No exhilarating divine moment of whisking it all away. It's choosing to "die" to my natural vices and choosing to embrace heaven's ways and believing that GOD can and will protect me a whole lot better than all this insanity has done, over the years, anyway.

Onward and upward we go.........

Thoughts on a Suicide

2008-08-02T10:34:00.005-04:00

A guy on the fringes of Preston's social circle committed suicide this week. He was popular kid - starting on the football team; fun loving etc. The "why's" in the aftershock are shaking the community.

Being wired the way I am, I process these things deeply. So much to ponder as a mom, as a substitute teacher in the schools, as a fellow traveler through the often painful and unbearable seasons of life. I cannot shake it. What was the last straw for Matt to bring him to such hopeless desperation? Oh and his mom. My gosh. What is she going through?

Although I could share some personal anecdotes as I waded through my own suicidal temptations a few years ago, this blog is not about suicide. I would rather share some thoughts the Father seems to be impressing upon me.

A few months ago I saw Matt on one of my substituting days. That encounter returned to my memory yesterday. I recall, thinking to myself, as he passed by me, "Man, Matt does not look good." His hair was long and unkempt and he had put on weight. His eyes were dull. However, I left it at that.

Now, looking back, I wonder. Was that a "set-up" from God for me to begin praying for Matt? And no, I am not trying to be all woo woo and flighty. Still, I cannot ignore a potential prompting/lesson from the Father.

I have such a passion for the local schools. I cannot explain it but I am fired up to see these kids set free from all the garbage assailing their souls. When I substitute teach, I seek to enter the day with an attitude of prayer "Father, WHO is on Your heart today? Put that one in my path. I will add him/her to my list and pray. Or, if You decide to take it a step further, let me have a conversation with that 'one'." He usually comes through. My prayer journal grows. Interesting conversations repeatedly take place: opportunities to minister love and grace and even offer prayers abound.

Yet, mostly it is a behind the scenes unction to pray. To intercede for that one.

Never-the-less, before you think I am more mature spiritually than I am, I have to admit that this "feels" so boring and useless at times. Longing for the spotlight or the pulpit (for I know that I have a keen gift of teaching and prophesying), I have an itch to do more so called "ministry" in the kingdom. You know - the kind with titles and recognition. As a result of this desire, I become lethargic in where He has called me, for now, in the public schools. It feels so mediocre compared to the dreams and destiny He has breathed into me over the years.

Whew. Father forgive me! Forgive US as a body.

You see, we, as sons of GOD, are the light of the world. We are His fragarance to the foul smelling atmosphere that permeates life today. Whether we feel it or not, it is the truth. We are His ambassadors, complete with every last power and authority that Christ had when He walked the earth.

In other words, if we will choose to believe it, the fact of the matter is WE are sent, often inconspicuously, into situations simply to pray - with the FULL belief that OUR PRAYERS CAN AND WILL CHANGE THE SITUATION! Our presence, alone, as carriers of His glory, is enough to penetrate any plan of hell. Period. No other "help" on our part is required.

Oh my. I can become so limp wristed with this stuff. I get weary. There is not a lot of external encouragement for praying in secret or simply walking, in secret, into atmospheres and believing that there is a shift, in the heavenlies, occurring. I love accolades. I dream of people calling me to preach at their church. *sigh*

Praying, alone, believing that my prayers can unleash a plan over a young person's life to bring redemption through another to that teen? Sounds so boring, to my spot light seeking soul.

Yet it's my role. It's our roles, brothers and sisters.

We are change agents. We have the power, through the kingdom IN US, to usher in a 180. Not by creating a program or forcing a tract. Just by "being" His light. By believing that we are the carriers of glory where ever we go and anticipating that the atmosphere around us DOES shift simply because the kingdom, in us, has invaded the surroundings.

From there, He may open an actual "door" to minister or teach. But, if not, we can believe that He is moving. I don't have to "do" anything more than believe. And then walk through a door HE opens. Wow.

Although I am not entering self flagellation, I wonder if I had been more discerning on that day I ran into Matt, would I have heard God speaking to me? "Matt is struggling, K. Pray. Believe. I will intervene. You may never know how but just be the one calling forth that shift."

I have a new found intensity as I view my role at the schools. I have often thought that I will only sub for a few more years until God opens "real ministry" like leading women's conferences or preaching over seas. HA! I may be surprised, huh?

Oh people. We have such amazing power residing in us. We do not have to be preachers or prophets. We just have to walk out our sonship and ambassadorhood.

The "Matts" in life are crying out for the kingdom in US to overcome the darkness in them.

For now, though, I grieve: for Matt's family, for the confused friends and teammates he has left behind and for Matt. Ugh.

His Justice in a World of Injustice

2008-07-27T16:18:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, at the city/county swim meet, my 12 year old son faced, what we perceive, a pretty unfair decision. Because of a 2 hundredth of a second differential, he was removed from a relay race he had swum all year. In fact, his little relay team was on the verge of breaking the swim league record if it remained on the pace it had established over the summer.

He was excited about that.

No one had warned him this was possible he could lose the coveted spot.

He was hurt. He was disappointed. The difficulty for us, as parents, was that, overall, he swam the meet of his life. Many parents approached us, throughout the day, extolling Tanner's hard and dedicated work and thus his incredible improvement.

Some even shared our disbelief that he was removed from the relay.

As I approached the Father today, He reminded me "Karen, no one can ever steal MY inheritance for you. NO ONE. If something is taken, it only means I have something better. I ALWAYS RIGHT INJUSTICES if you will avoid bitterness and self pity and stay in an attitude of gratitude."

In a world where we can easily lose positions because of politics, favoritism or flat out robbery, we need to be able to trust that Our Father IS the defender of the powerless! If not, the only recourse we have is manipulation and trying, through works, to cling to things we want or deserve.

To me, such futility and effort is not worth the constant worry of "is THIS the day it is taken? is THIS the time where my failure or weakness will result in someone taking my place?" I have lived under that fear for so long now and, frankly, I am getting tired. (I am also getting tired of seeming to have so much "stolen" from me...and now my child.)

God is a God of justice. He will right the wrongs in His season. We have to be able to trust in that.

And so we are taking that stance as we encourage Tanner. "Let's lay down our disappointment at the throne of Your Daddy and remember that He is hurting with you. Let's not get angry or petulant with the boy who took your spot or the coach. In fact, let's bless them. In the big picture, in HIS timing and season, God will right this wrong, little buddy."

Once my raging soul is laid to rest, the peace of God in trusting Him in such painful inequalities is helpful. And to be able to remind myself, repeatedly, that we do NOT have to play the games of self promotion and manipulation/control to obtain or maintain status, favor or position. Our places, in life, are sent by the Father. No one can steal them.

So we trust.

Can't wait to see how this will unfold over the next few swimming seasons ahead of us.

"Thanks for caring about this tiny sparrow who was kicked out of the nest yesterday, Father." *smile*

PS - Let me add, that although the relay team won its event, its time was 5 seconds slower than its best time during the season with the original four. Yes. I admit it. There is that part of me screaming "Duh. Why did you try to fix what obviously was not broken?"

On, and another thing? The other relay, on which he swam, DID break the record so his name will be "in the books" for at least a year and in next year's program. Go Tanner. Go Tanner. *grin*

Living and Breathing HIM

2008-07-07T13:52:00.004-04:00

"In Him, we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

Once again, here is one of those verses we have sung or quoted or danced to our entire spiritual lives.

But have you ever processed the impact of what is being stated?

In HIM - that is, the person of Christ - we LIVE. we MOVE. we HAVE OUR BEING.

It cannot get any more complete than that, can it? Every breath we take is "in Him." What an incredible way to live expectantly 24/7!!!

Unfortunately, what I am more likely to find, amongst the cobwebs of my religiosity and soulish nature, is that I hardly move, live, breath "in Him."

I "live" in fear or works or striving really hard to be a better person.

Or I "move" in ministry opportunities or titles.

I "have my being" in self protection or making sure I am not forgotten or hurt or lonely.

I "live" in worrying about my children.

Or I "move" in theological insights.

I "have my being" in bank accounts or success or the latest compliment from someone or even some addiction to keep me busy/occupied.

To be completely immersed IN HIM in every area of my life would yield, I believe, some amazing results. Oh. I am not beating myself up! I simply hunger to be the embodiment of the kingdom of God where ever I go. My heart's cry is to be a change agent in every atmosphere into which I step -whether it be walmart, housework, the schools or a cup of coffee with a friend.
If my "being" is about ministry or religious works or financial security, then I am limiting myself of the abundance available from living radically and totally "in HIM": not in a title, destiny, relationship, job or even in any religious activity.

The means through which I must walk in order to be complete in HIM is to live, move and have my being in "HIM" and nothing else.

Oh sure, the other things can be part of my life but if they are the essence of who I am, more than my every breath coming from an infusion with HIM, then I am settling for something far less than what heaven has declared for me.

Christ. The All in All. The ONE who holds things together - His passion for me is not my destiny but my discovering at my very soul that being "in HIM" is all that matters.

Everything else is fluff. (so why in the world do I still try to cling or control it all? *smile*)

As I go about the laundry and cleaning, today, I seek HIM. I do not dream of future possibilities or "when will this or that happen." I am learning to enjoy the reality - one that is greater than the reality that I see - of a relationship with THE ONE who is my being.

obedience through suffering

2008-06-29T15:43:00.004-04:00

"He learned obedience through suffering." Hebrews 5:8

One could conclude that the suffering to which this verse refers is the cross. I disagree.

I contend that this suffering is the daily occurences of life and relating in a fallen world. You know what I am talking about - the nitty gritty of learning the sincere love walk that can be troublesome at times.

Maturity came, to Christ, during the first 30 years of His life through the things he suffered. How can that be?

Well, Christ was born with the same propensities that you and I have; He had a soul. And His soul, like yours and mine, on its own, was determined to be in control and selifsh. The human soul is resolved to ensure that SELF remains safe, in charge, comfortable and happy. It does not care how that occurs. As long as self inhabits the throne, soul is happy.

So how did He suffer?

His soul faced similar situations God permits in our lives that bring one to decisions - will I strive to protect or provide for ME or will I trust HIM? Will I attempt to fix the situation and cling to control or will I trust that the Father will take care of it?

Only through situations that reveal the bare bones depravity of our selfishness will we grow up if we choose to silence soul and heed spirit.

In other words, we do not become more godly or mature by reading the Bible or attending meetings. Yes, they are helpful but substantative growth occurs as we wade through the difficulties in life and learn kingdom response rather than permitting our over powering soul to maintain its childish ways.

When we are disappointed, or hurt or need to forgive.

When someone forgets our birthday or neglects to know what we need. Or, even worse, knows what we need and ignores our pleas.

When we are rejected, overlooked, forgotten, misunderstood or flat out accused.

When we are afraid.

Each is painful. Each is suffering that can open avenues to more kingdom responses or keep us ensconced in our pouting and demands of self.

Often, in these situations, we bind devils or claim "victory over the pain." Because these occurences are so painful and uncomfortable, we strive for relief. All the while the Lord is disciplining us to wade through it so we can learn further death to self and its protective mechanisms and more trust in His goodness.

Suffering brings out our immaturity. This is a good thing. We all have it. God knows it is there so He heats up the fire, of life, to bring it out: conflicts, misunderstandings, rejection, gossip etc. We can either humbly admit that there are areas of immaturity and selfishness in us or we can feign religious pretense. Unfortunately, if we choose the latter, we miss a valuable lesson He so carefully orchestrated to bring us further from self.

And if it required 30 years for Christ to finally reach maturity through suffering, I have to assume more than 30 minutes for me! HA!

Time is on my side in my struggles with my humanity because time is on God's side. Whew. Good hands in which to place myself.

Through all these experiences in the suffering of my soul, I am learning obedience. It's not fun. But it's the kingdom process.

Voice of God Vs Traditions of Man

2008-06-22T16:20:00.003-04:00

Jesus said "Take up your mat and walk; then you will be healed."

Men said "You cannot carry your mat on the Sabbath." John 5

Possessing all authority from heaven, Jesus commanded the man to carry his mat. In fact, this man, who had been paralyzed for 39 years, not only carried his mat but he was actually walking, What a miracle! Instead of rejoicing with the supernatural, though, the traditions of men vehemently forbade his breaking the rules.

The rules were more important than freedom.

Jesus said "Do it."

Man said, "Don't do it."

Ironic, isn't it?

Fast forward to my own life. Or even to the lives of countless Christians today.

How often is Jesus asking us to act in a manner that contradicts "the rules"? Do we even take the time to hear that voice? Are we so busy in our programs, created by the traditions of man, that we lack the time or inclination to hear the Spirit's voice for ourselves?

If that man had not carried his mat, he would not have been healed.

The hand writing is on the wall, folks. If we continue in heeding the voice of man over the voice of the Spirit, we will not be healed; we will not walk in freedom; we will remain shackled to man's commands.

And yes, often the voices are as opposite as the scenario described in John 5. The Spirit says "Yes, do it" while religion or our church doctrine or the opinions of others announce "Don't you even THINK about doing it."

How many of us are in bondage to the ways things have always been in our particular denomination or traditions? I speculate that few have escaped this trap. But it's the courageous who, first off, admit their inclination to the traditions of church dogma and, thus, the ignoring the pure voice of the Spirit. It then requires great fortitude to actually act/speak out what the Spirit is voicing instead of continuing along in the mold created by rules of man.

Honestly, we have accepted too much as "truth" and blindly walked accordingly.

I am tired of remaining on my mat where religion, rules or man's misguided opinion desire to keep me. Longing for complete freedom, I continue to dissect so much of my doctrine under the microscope of His light. I am amazed at what I am seeing.

I am even more excited about the chains that are coming down. There is a refreshing life found in intimacy with His pure truth. This life will never be found under the cloud of religion or traditions. Oh I have angered many. I have been labeled and rejected. Frequently called a "rebel", I have felt the cold stares and judgement.

I don't care any more. I dont say that in arrogance because I certainly do not have all the answers. I am simply thrilled to be finding freedom from fearing man's opinion and needing his approval so badly that I will ignore that voice, inside of me.

This freedom is too precious. I cannot go back to my mat of paralysis called "rules of churchianity".

So, precious brothers and sisters: Will you take up your mat or will you remain paralyzed because the traditions you have always believed have demanded it to be that way?

The Spirit says "come".

One will be left behind: your traditions or the Spirit. You cannot have both. Believe me. I tried. *grin*

Creatine to the rescue? NOT

2008-06-18T11:22:00.004-04:00

"If you will do it My way, you will be successful in all you do." Deut 30:8.

Since he was 7, my son has dreamt of playing baseball for the High School team.
As a family, we have invested countless hours and financial support as my son pursues this dream.

He is now 15 and will, most likely, be chosen for the prestigious varsity squad next year. He considers it an honor: a dream come true.

There always seems to be a kink the enemy wants to throw into any fulfillment of a dream.

We recently discovered that a substantial number of guys on the team ingest creatine. In my opinion, this is frightening. The Internet is replete with warnings of its use by adolescents. Never-the-less, for the sake of fleeting fame and success, the athletes are using it.

Dilemma time.

What is our son supposed to do?

He has common sense and has heard our discussions on this kind of activity since he was a young 'un. Yet, If he resists its use, will he fall behind? The other guys are obviously stronger and exhibit more power as they hit the ball.

From an earthly stand point, his dreams could slip away because of a dangerous substance.

As I pondered it before the Lord, He encouraged me with thoughts from Psalm 37.

God's people don't do it the world's way. We listen to Our King. What is HIS wisdom.?Sure, men may appear to succeed, momentarily. However, always, in the long run, His people, obeying His standards, are the ones who shine. And I don't mean in the sweet by and by, either.

We are overcomers and possessors. NOW. The promises are ours NOW.

Always.

But that position in life only comes through obeying HIS principles in spite of what the world says one must do to get ahead. In other words, I simply cannot see that creatine is the way GOD would have my son to go.

So this is the stance we will assume over baseball. We will trust God. We will walk in His principles, even if common sense mocks at our obvious stupidity.

Since when do kingdom principles adhere to logic or what everyone else does anyway?

Like I explained to my son the other night "Preston, you don't need creatine. You have God. The same God who empowered Elijah to run 26 miles faster than a chariot will empower you - but you have to ask."

Man can lean into creatine.

We are trusting God.

I have no idea how this will unfold. I just know we are choosing His path. Therefore, whatever happens will be His plan and, thus, it will be GOOD.

Now I just pray that my son will receive the same revelation! Which he will. I have faith. God did not bring us to the edge of this river to stand here or drown! *grin*

What is Truth?

2008-06-14T16:50:00.003-04:00

The older I get, the more I realize I have no idea what I believe any more.

Now don't throw me under the bus. I have not thrown out my faith - at least the foundational truths such as Christ is the only way to enter the kingdom of God.

Honestly, though, beyond that, I am realizing that I cannot make a strong, rock solid case for much of anything. Oh sure, in MY opinion, which is very strong, I can argue with anyone. In fact, because I have the gift of words, I would walk away victorious from any doctrinal argument. Of course, I am COMPLETELY right: get in line. *grin*

But what does that accomplish if we, as sons of God, are supposed to be living in unity?

The plentiful divisive criticism of brothers and sisters saddens me. It appears that some of us (and I used to be one....*sigh*) are convinced that our dogma is the only one. Thus, we are quick to throw jabs and judgement against those who do not line up to what WE believe.

How do any of us know we are completely right on anything? Do we realize that no matter what our belief, there is an opposing doctrine? And those that oppose us are sons of God? And that they are as adamant, as we are, that they are right?

I am realizing that the only sure belief I have is that I am helpless and weak apart from Christ. My righteousness comes only through His blood. My victory is won only by the cross and leaning into the Spirit. Even then, there are sub points where others will argue with me - the hows of walking it all out.

Other than that - I am noticing that things I thought were completely on the money may be suspect. Listening to brothers and sisters, I am challenged. Arrogantly, I can decide they are deluded; from there, I could pull in a bunch of people, through outright criticism and gossip, to agree with me. In fact, I can gather those "yes" people around me and start a church; MY view is the only right view. This means my church will be the only completely doctrinal correct one in the area.

Or I can listen. I can be open. I can realize that I am as potentially deluded as the next guy. I can accept that I do not have all the answers - that some of the tenets, to which I have held, even since childhood, may not be completely true.

Who knows? Not me.

I just know that if I am going to fellowship in real unity with the entire body of Christ, there are not many doctrines I can grasp with an iron clad grip. I need to remain flexible and walk in humility. I could be wrong. Wow. Shock of all shockers! *grin*

True unity is not all of us agreeing. True unity is when you and I have strong disagreement over some important issues - yet we serve each other and are kind to one another even behind the back. We are there for each other not just in superficial, syrupy Sunday morning chit chat but when life gets hard and one of us even fails. We may have doctrinal differences but we walk in unity and love of the highest degree.

Now THAT, to me, is "church."

The Overcoming Life

2008-06-11T10:38:00.004-04:00

Dreams.

The promises.

Hope.

Gosh. It's difficult to hold tenaciously to them when everything you see is contrary to what the Word says, isn't it? Guess that is why the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness.

Guess that is why so many, even today, settle for mediocrity, superficiality and ambivalence in their life.

Because holding ON to what you KNOW the Word promises and not go insane with fear and anxiety is tough. Or not escape into one's favorite addictive agent. (let's face it - we all have them! *smile*)

From what I observe, most don't even bother fighting any more. It is certainly easier to live on the fringes in ease and comfort and the "worlds lifestyle and ways of choosing" than to press in to walk out the kingdom promises.

To actually experience victory requires intentional choices on my part. What thoughts will I let fly in my mind? What comments will spew from my mouth? Where will I seek to control and manipulate my circumstances because I am petrified of the unknown and the pain associated with current situations? If I am honest, deep down, I do not believe GOD will come through; I have to keep subtly relying on ME to ensure life's ease, comfort and success. I prefer my little box of safety than the wide expanse of the "unknown" called "trust in GOD."

The overcoming life is nothing more than being one who walks out the renewing of our minds. Day in and day out. Recognizing thoughts that are not kingdom principles. And then taking them captive and forcing them to be captive to Christ.

The overcoming life does not occur because we wish for it. It does not magically arrive because we prayed for it or had a terrific prophetic word.

It develops, over time, through "suffering" through life. Walking through difficult situations and learning how to retrain our thought processes from those of hopeless, fearful, critical, self pitying unbelief into kingdom thoughts of hope, faith, belief. Belief in THE ONE. Not belief in dogma or formulas but in the PERSON of JESUS CHRIST who promises that HE is our answer. He is our hope. Everything we need is in HIM.

Every overcomer I know has battle scars. This means they have not walked through ease and comfort but battled through their soulish impulses of fear and unbelief. Or fought passed their addictions and lusts.

They got weary. I am sure they wanted to give up. Shoot, I bet, even at times, they did give up (Thank God that true kingdom people have as many issues as I do; they have simply learned, through warfare with self and the enemy, how to get passed them.)

I long to be known as an overcomer. It's just not a very easy road.

Pressing in. It's all we know to do in these uncertain times, isn't it? In spite of the wear and tear. He is our hope. Daily we renew our minds to hold fast to that fact.

Life....

2008-05-23T20:34:00.002-04:00

I have not posted in a while. Besides the fact that I am really busy, I really have not had a lot to share. For me, that is probably a "good thing"; being "quiet" and not having to force an agenda when there is nothing "holy spirit led" is good.

Of course, I can blog about what is going on in my life or with my kids but that was never the purpose of the blog. I want to remain within the boundaries I felt GOD establish when He first "commissioned" the blog.

I am facing new seasons of life which often weigh me down. My own body and the extensive hormonal imbalances that accompany this stage of life have certainly ushered in some days of fatigue, depression, irritability, brain fog etc.

Additionally, my mom's vascular dementia is literally "taking over" her existence. This watching your parent slowly fade away is an entire boat load of blogs that many my age could have written. It's one thing to know others are going through it. It's an entirely new ball game when it is you. Talk about feeling alone with some pretty intense emotions! It's also easy to feel that no one has ever gone through this before: the sudden tears over memories; the person she "was" as well as some of the still remaining tender places that require more healing as my childhood was far from picturesque - it's all part of the package of where I am.

And on top of all of that is simply the sheer busyness and emotional drain in raising two very active adolescent boys. The ups and downs of that are enough drama for any mom. *smile*

Anyway - no big revelations to share but just wanted to pop in. I probably lost most of my audience but I guess that is the risk I have taken.

In closing, I do want to add that in spite of the pains and sorrows of life as well as so many unknowns, I keep seeking to come BACK to one thing - HE is the Rock. He is my joy. The Word does not say that joy is kept from women in menopause. It does not imply that once your hormones go wacko, the promises are no longer valid. That is a comfort! I strive to stay hidden in that.

There is also nothing in the Word that says one has to grow old and demented. Oh how I am believing for the miraculous over my quickly failing mom!

I do have my days in wondering about truth. That is a whole other blog. Ever have those seasons? Where so much of your life is backed into a corner and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do but trust. So then your mind wonders a little "OK, God. You ARE real, right? This is NOT too big for you? All the other religions and their gods really ARE wrong right? I am kind of a little jittery right now in believing You. Please let me know you are there." And heaven remains silent.

Ever have that?

Whew. I am there, also, some days lately. I just keep on doing what I know to do and trust that, in time, the "feeling" and "blessed assurance" will come. For now, however, it is truly "blind faith."

Ok. I have said enough for tonight.

Laundry calls. *wink*

Lakeland or Myanmar

2008-05-08T09:15:00.002-04:00

I am going to go way out on a limb. Hopefully, I will not be cut off. *grin*

We are hearing about the revival breaking out in Lakeland Florida and Morningstar Ministries in NC. From what I gather, hundreds are being miraculously healed and thousands are making the trek to experience this supernatural phenomenon.

Ok. So call me a skeptic. (Don't throw me under the bus, yet). But it simply feels too familiar. Have we not been "this way" before with Brownsville, Toronto etc? And none of it, in the long run, made any kingdom, life changing, impact on our nation. The current election is enough to tell anyone that our country is on the wrong path- that the "kingdom glory" has not changed the atmosphere in our nation.

I am not saying that GOD is not present in Lakeland. My gosh. WHO AM I TO SAY THAT?

I am simply seeking to stay outside the box - maybe too far and I am open to that if I am.

But I guess I just believe that the next "revival" is going to be something so completely different than anything we have known. I believe it will look different and will have a lasting impact on the atmosphere wherever it touches down. In fact, honestly, you know where I am begging to see the POWER show up in a mighty way? Myanmar.

It feels like we are so consumed with the power and glory that is being demonstrated in Lakeland that other areas of the world are being forgotten. Those people in Myanmar, whom GOD loves as much as us Americans, are in need of a grave miracle right now. First off, their government (obviously controlled by the evil one) will not permit aid to enter the country. From there, we have homeless orphans and widows by the hundreds of thousands being ravaged by disease and starvation.

Talk about a great set up for the power and glory to manifest. WOW! For the missionaries already in Myanmar to begin to walk in a revivalist type power and might that can raise the dead, heal the sick and break the power of evil that seems to be controlling that land and those precious souls!

I guess my main point is, for me (and it could just be me, so bear with me) I long to see a break out of the might and power in unconventional ways. To begin to hear about revival suddenly taking over some of our public high schools and colleges. Instead of reading about 100 San Diego State students being arrested for drugs, we hear of the glory cloud taking over UCLA or UNC in such a way that thousands are on their face, turning their lives over to GOD.

To me, THAT is revival.

God moving, outside any church building, supernaturally invading where life really and truly needs it - to the homeless in Myanmar; the refugees in the Sudan; the prostitutes in New York.

I do not mean to be knocking what is happening in Lakeland or Morningstar. I guess it is simply that my passion and focus are somewhere else right now. And maybe that is ok - there are different parts of the body and, maybe, this simply means that my part is not to be running to Lakeland but to be interceding for Myanmar and the local schools, longing to see the glory take over instead of evil governments or demonically led governmental regulations that are ruining our school systems.

Just some thoughts as I ponder life this morning...................

My Oft too Passive Mind

2008-04-23T08:45:00.005-04:00

Thoughts.

I have a ton a minute. Unfortunately, many of them are not very spiritual. *grin* The impulsive thought patterns, in my mind, lean more toward jealousy, anger, criticism, resentment, fear and self pity.

If my mind were shown on the screen of any "church" I would be banned for life. *smile*

And the sad thing is that I usually accept all these thoughts as mine. Subconsciously, I assume that "this is just me and I will have this kind of mind set the rest of my life." Gosh. Talk about a humongous lie, huh?

This is how the enemy keeps the body in bondage, though. If he can convince us that our thoughts are ours and will always be there; or if he can keep us hoodwinked in assuming that we are powerless over our minds, then he has us in his complete control.

And this is what he has done.

As I listen to people, I realize, truthfully, that I am not as weird as I thought. Meaning I am not alone. Most people are full of negative thinking patterns full of fear and insecurity and jealousy/criticism/pride/bitterness. "You mean behind all those Sunday morning smiles, these people have the same ugly thoughts that I do? Wow. I am not the only one. YAY!"

So what is the problem? Why is the body drowning in this junk?

It is because we do what I said at the beginning - we accept the thoughts without ever applying the power that the cross affords.

Clearly, the Word states that the renewing of the mind is the foundation of victory in Christianity. What this implies is that the issues I observe in my mind are normal. The question, though, is what will I do about it?

God did NOT leave us impotent against this stuff. The cross made us dead to it. Sin no longer reigns! (Romans 6)

"Oh that is just the way I am," We lament. What a crock of lies from hell!!! The way we "are" if we are covered in the blood, is a new creature with the mind of Christ. I doubt the mind of Christ caters to the thoughts I entertain!

Passivity will do nothing. In fact, that has been my problem. A negative thought enters, and I just let it go. My goodness. Talk about a weed unchecked in the garden of my soul. Then I wonder why I cannot gain ultimate victory over jealousy or fear or criticism. I want the "big picture" taken care of: "Lord remove that root of bitterness."

His response is "The root is not the issue. The daily taking thoughts captive and BELIEVING that you are DEAD to this stuff and applying the power of the exchange that occurred at the cross is the key."

So what am I seeking to do differently?

When someone says or does something that causes the knee jerk "mmph" reaction in me, I am catching myself. "Wait. I do not have to go there. I am free from this. I am dead to it (Romans 6). I may not FEEL dead. I may not FEEL free. But I can stand, in faith, that I am. I resist the thought (put it off as spoken in Ephesians 4); I renew my mind with the promises of freedom from it AND a more godly thought and I put ON His attitude."

Over and Over. I cannot try hard. I just have to believe the promises that I am dead and He provides the power to overcome.

It may be through gritted teeth. I may not feel any better. The thought may be a stinker and not leave immediately or for a while. But alas, it's the kingdom principle of eradicating this deeply ingrained response system I have of offense and jealousy or pride, self pity - you name it.

Victorious Christian living is rooted in the mind. Not in more prayer or worship or fasting. Oh sure, that helps but if I am not consciously guarding my mind and watching EVERY thought or scrutinizing some of the thoughts I have held forever, I will never be one who mimics the image of Christ.

Never.

Too bad. Because this requires lots more tenacity and death to my way of doing things than merely praying or reading my Bible every day. *smile*

The Keys are in OUR hands

2008-04-17T08:57:00.006-04:00

Apparently, gang activity is on the rise in our area. There have been fights in the schools; rumors of a gun being brought to school etc. Law enforcement and the educational system - the powers that be - are at their wits end. "WHAT in the world can we do about this growing problem?" they query as they scratch their heads.

I know. I know. Pick me.

Jesus told Peter - the representative of the body of Christ - that HE/WE hold the keys to the kingdom of heaven. The body of Christ is the conduit through whom the powers of the kingdom of God will be dispensed.

In other words, the body of Christ has the answer. The body of Christ IS the answer. A pretty shocking concept. For when we think of the body, we typically imagine "church". From there we envision pews and singing and sermons, with a few people "getting saved" right?

When I say body of Christ, though, I mean something so greater than what, I believe, we have experienced here on earth. We have cordoned off Christianity to a Sunday morning service, a Wednesday prayer gathering with a few committee meetings in between.

However, the plan God has for the body is to be the salt, the light, ambassadors or representatives of HIS kingdom. He sent Jesus to model what He intended: preach the gospel - which is a gospel of reconciliation of sons to their father - heal the sick, drive out demons, raise the dead, etc.

In other words infect the atmosphere around you with MY GLORY.

We are kings and priests with the same authority and power that Jesus had. In the book of Acts, their actions caused such a stir that even government officials were rattled. Whew. Wow! The only way, it seems, we rattle officials today, in the "church" is by writing a few letters or boycotting some products.

Can you even imagine a body walking in all its glory? Can you picture a unified body - not little buildings here or there separated by walls on Sunday mornings - but a body, coming together, and taking BACK the young people who have been sucked into the gangs or drugs or perversion? Or a unified body so committed to ushering in the kingdom and all its glory and so dead to "ME" or "MY church" that it did not care WHO got the attention or numbers or thanks - just as long as people were being reconciled to their daddy and delivered from their bondages?!!!

What a breathtaking thought!

Oh, I am not sure what it would look like for that scene is so far from what we see today. And honestly, with even just myself, that kind of humility is a far cry from where I am today.

But I believe with everything in me that it's the heart of the Father; it's the plan He had from the foundation of the world. I also believe HE is stirring enough hearts with a holy dissatisfaction with what we see today called "church" that we will begin to see some shakings and rattlings so that a body who, truly, represents the original plan of God will begin to rise up and take her place.

How exciting.

Until then, we passionately cry out "THY kingdom come" (not man's plans and programs and ideas) "THY will be done" (as we embrace discipline so that we can be entrusted with this authority) on this earth.

Amen.

Oh, and by the way - I feel compelled to intercede over the school situation here, calling forth angels and safety over the things we are hearing regarding our little school here in rural Virginia. God moves after the prayers of His people. I will take my stand!!!

Humiliation....Ugh

2008-04-09T06:30:00.002-04:00

Humiliation.

Is there anything worse? We avoid it at all costs, don't we? We cover, mask, pretend, try hard - ANYTHING - to avoid looking stupid or being seen as a failure.

However, kingdom principles require humiliation. I know - not something we want to hear, is it?

"God is near to the humiliated but knows, from afar, the proud." Psalm 138:6

This is just one of hundreds of verses extolling the virtue of humiliation. Oh, we talk about being humble but, honestly, the Greek/Hebrew word for humility involves humiliation - being seen as lower in our eyes and others' eyes.

And ya know how that is birthed in us? Walking through failure and humiliating experiences. *sigh* Why can't a Christ like image be created in me through prayer and fasting, by myself, where no one has to see how utterly weak and foolish I truly am?

Or why can't I just receive prayer at the alter and, poof, all my pride and self absorption will go away?

Nothing doing. It has to be walked out.

I am facing some humiliating experiences at the present. As I sit before the Father and seek His opinion on it, I find myself almost paralyzed with fear as my masks and pretenses used to avoid humiliation are peeled. If I cannot prevent humiliation, what do I have left?

Nothing but the Father.

Wow. That thought is unnerving to my pride, ya know? Sure, I can talk about humility and probably even preach a good series on it. But to walk THROUGH humiliation without trying to control it or prevent it? To accept the consequences of failure and sit there, in the midst of it, without any explanation or defense, trusting HIS love to cover me? To realize that people are probably talking and there is nothing I can do.

I am walking through failure. Thus, I am walking through humiliation.

Can I jump off now?

Still, the word is replete with the thought that it is either or. We cannot be close to God without the humility thing going on. There is no mixing our pride and self reliance and self defense with an intimate and powerful infusion of God in our lives.

If we are honest, though, I believe we try to mix it. Why? Because being humiliated or seen as a failure, in man's eyes, scares us more than anything, doesn't it?

We talk about being emptied. We discuss, theologically, the virtue of humility. But to walk it out and not hide behind self protection? To not run from it? To not attack or make excuses? To not try and fix?

Instead, to embrace the experience of personal failure and simply say "GOD I trust YOU in this. I don't even trust You so that you will exalt me in due season. I simply trust that Your kingdom principles are at work. As I seek first Your kingdom principles of dying to ME and my need to protect me, somehow, somewhere, You will come through. I don't know how and I cannot dictate how. I will simply trust."

Yikes.

Is there a way out of this? Not if I want to experience Christ in His fullness.

Darn.

Often, I wish Christianity were as easy as some preach!

*smile*

"The" Offense - Follow up

2008-04-03T06:09:00.003-04:00

"It never hurts to humble yourself, Karen."

Those were the words of my wise, yet often irritating, Spiritual Father many years back. I had experienced a few horrendously painful situations of betrayal. "God is trying to teach you something, girl. This is not about them."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEM?

(Let me add here that this guy often made me so mad! *grin*)

The point he was trying to make is that when God permits betrayal and conflict, He is usually seeking to build a deeper kingdom character in US. We cannot concentrate on what the other is doing to us or how God plans to deal with the other. If we desire to reflect Christ, wearing the cloak of humility, we have to walk through hurtful situations without permitting bitterness to plant its seeds. We do not develop a character of meekness and forgiveness by reading the Bible and praying - we need to trudge through those storms.

Darn. I prefer growing through praise and worship and listening to sermons!

So here I was last week, once again, feeling attacked and unfairly accused.

"Repent to him, Karen," I felt the Lord nudge me.

"HUH? Look at all he said. He should be the one repenting. In fact, unless he grovels, I cannot see how I can get past this," I whined.

Once again, though, the Spirit reminded me of another valuable lesson I had gleaned during those torturous years. In every conflict, no one is one hundred percent right. Being human, each of us is capable of worse behavior than we care to admit. Naturally, we want to put all the blame on the other. And, yes, there are situations where life is unfair.

Yet if we truly seek to become Christ-like, penetrating honesty is crucial. And in that light, we realize we are far from perfect. This means that, candidly speaking, we can always find something, through the revelation of the Holy Spirit, where we wronged the other.

So I started an email of apology. Naturally, I wanted to add some "yes...buts..." or explanations for whatever attitude the Spirit was revealing. And He kept stretching me. "No, Karen. No explanations. Nothing but a short repentance for your own pride and hurtful ways and then asking for his forgiveness."

Good grief. This is hard. This is not fair. He was the one who called me names and accused me. But, truth be known, I had also displayed arrogance and self righteousness, couched in spiritualeze.

So I wrote it. Short. Two sentences. No fan fare. Nothing sugary. Just flat out repentance.

After I hit send, it felt right. Sure, my pride was in the gutter and I felt humiliated but I have realized, over the years, that humiliation is often the way of the kingdom as we trust HIM to be our protector and not our own ways of avoiding humiliation.

Still, deep down, I was hoping for the same response from him. "Maybe my own humility will wake him up." Nothing doing. He rubbed salt into my wounded pride. "It's ok, Karen. You are forgiven. And if you ever need anything from me, please let me know. We in the body need to help each other."

I wanted to puke.

But I just kept at this process of dying to my rights and my own need to hear apology from him. That is Gods "baby" in that man's life. All I can do is continue walking out my own path and obey when I hear that voice.

I will continue to take the bitter and frustrated thoughts to the cross. Eventually, I know that this situation will become a non entity in my life and my anger will no longer be an issue. It is already becoming close to that.

But not without some major knocks to my pride and need to prove something to others.

Oh well. Chalk it up to one more lesson. Hopefully, though, I am passing with more frequency! *smile*

Being Baited by Offense

2008-03-29T08:50:00.005-04:00

I am offended.

There, I said it.

I got an email yesterday. Frankly, it stung deeply. The person said some rather painful things and then accused me of being offended as I read it. My immediate response, as anger arose in me, was "I am not offended. I am too mature to be offended." HA! Yeah right.

In my "non offensive" posture, I started an email back. Naturally, I covered my outrage with warm and loving Christian words. I was NOT going to let this person get under my skin. I would overcome and demonstrate sincere Christian love and humility. Too late. He was under my skin and crawling everywhere. Avoiding honesty, however, I sought to spiritualize it.

Thankfully, I did NOT send the rebuttal. The Holy Spirit GRABBED me by my face and shook me out of my self defensive stupor.

I wrote in my journal this morning:

"This is teaching me. I see the need to nakedly seek the Spirit when I am confronting someone or defending a position. Even if someone is clearly wrong, my response must not be driven by roots of self defense or pride no matter how much I try to camouflage it in Christian love (for that is what this person did. In the midst of some scathing accusations and painful name calling, he wrote words of "love" and "support". Good grief. Naturally, I was really hurt and angry beyond belief until the LORD pointed out to me, "Karen, you have done the same thing..." *gulp*)

Responding to criticism or painful experiences or even confronting another is all about the source. From where are my words stemming? For that will determine the fruit. There is a very clear difference. I am seeing how it feels in me. There is that "switch" of self defense that simply "goes off" in me. When that is "on", no matter how hard I suppress my anger or my need to protect myself, it oozes out. It is there. Period."

In other words, when that switch has turned on the tidal wave of self defense, I need to remain silent. For the fruit will always be death. How can it not be even if the superficial words are "love" and "forgiveness" and "humbly". What a farce. I spew forth all the I Corinthian 13 stuff in my words but because the source is my own pride and self defense, it cannot produce life. Impossible.

Maybe someday I will grow up completely and "get this" *smile*

I am still angry. I am still offended. That is the truth of where I am this morning. No sense in pretense. However, feelings are not wrong. I have not acted on them except by admitting them to the Father and seeking for HIM to turn that switch off . I desire to genuinely come from the place of humility, grace and forgiveness. Not just in my words but deep deep deep at that source in me that I want to ignore or conceal with Bible verses.

Oh, I am completely fine with where I am this morning in that the discipline of the Lord does not bother me any more. I embrace it.

It merely means that I am not an illegitimate son and that HE loves me enough to call me on my arrogance and offense. YAY!

So I press forward to the cross. It provides all the power I need to defeat this too easily hidden root of bitterness and offense. Thank God. For I am weak. I cannot do it on my own. Personally, I want to remain offended and prove my point to this person. However, I long to see HIS kingdom come in my life. Thus, I need to cooperate with that kingdom and not the kingdom of my soul.

Thy Kingdom Come

2008-03-19T21:18:00.002-04:00

"Thy Kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

When Jesus spoke these words, His intentions were not to teach something to spew forth rapidly as a ritualistic endeavor. He was modeling for us how to pray. In the gospel of Luke, this model prayer appears on the heels of his telling his disciples to not "babble effusively in prayer." That is what the pagans do.

It seems to me that Jesus, once again, setting forth a paradigm of simplicity.

Is not the kingdom of God all about simplicity? Yet we have complicated it, have we not? I know that I have. Yes, I have babbled in my prayers like a "pagan", all the while calling it "tarrying" or "intercession."

I am not claiming to have all the answers; however, I do believe the body is missing something in its complicated doctrines on prayer.

As I face various situations in life, lately, I am simply speaking forth these words and BELIEVING that they are "taking place." What do I mean?

I seek to see the kingdom of God invade the situation burdening me. I seek to see what happens in heaven manifest in the trials of life. For you see, sickness is not in heaven. Self pity and depression are not in heaven. Tension, fear, doubt of the promises are not in heaven. Therefore, if my prayers rest on the simple concept of "LORD, I long to see YOUR kingdom and its way of operating invade this situation" then what more do I need to "say"?

From there, I can simply thank Him that He heard me - and that HIS kingdom will enter the situation. Instead of prattling unceasingly, I can enter into worship and thanksgiving.

No more song and dance of figuring out if I need to speak this word or claim that promise. I am so tired of fearing that if I do not pray the precise phrase, I am going to miss out on the answer. Know what I mean? Let's be honest - how many of us, truly, in our prayers, babble and repeat various thoughts hoping that "maybe THIS will be the one that is the key that unlocks the door"?

It seems to me that our prayers have become more of our way of maintaining control or feeling like we are doing something.

"You mean, Lord, that I don't have to say any more? That I can trust you heard me and that, in your timing, your kingdom WILL come? And now I can just thank You and be still?" What a novel idea! Oh, and how scary. For I am not using prayer to fix the situation. I am blindly trusting that God knows what He is doing and that in HIS perfect timing He will show up. And His will will be done.

Such a prayer life requires a huge leap of Faith: faith that, truly, God, the Father does long to give us the kingdom. He already knows what we need before we even ask. My oh my. How comforting. So why do we make it so full of fear and doubt and, thus, a complex finagling in working through some ill perceived labyrinth of figuring out how to pray correctly?

I cannot do it any more. I am so tired of the shenanigans and "work" that we call prayer. Yes, I realize that intercession often requires time and sometimes that time can be intense. But I also know, in my own experience, that some of that intensity was man made - by ME - trying to speak just the right weaponry to defeat the enemy. HA!

What can I concoct that is more superior than the simplicity of the kingdom of heaven invading my situation? If HIS kingdom comes.; if HIS will is done - for what more do I need to ask? What other "strategy" do I need to employ?

Rest is a weapon ya know? Complete rest that in spite of what I see, HIS kingdom will come. How aggravating that must be to the enemy - he cannot shake us out of complete rest and stillness. I wonder if he enjoys our pleadings and ramblings in prayer. If we are honest, do you think these kinds of prayers demonstrate that we are lacking faith that God heard? Or that God will answer?

"THY KINGDOM come." Period. Amen.

Sweatless for the Kingdom

2008-03-11T09:50:00.003-04:00

More pretty cool kingdom experiences during my French excursion.

This one occured on the plane.

In choosing my tickets online, I told the Lord "I really want to sit where YOU want me to sit. There are always people needing the kingdom. I am ready and willing to be 'the light' to 'the one' " (That is my life's motto where ever I go anyway.)

As I took my seat, it was obvious that the man next to me had no interest in conversation. That's okay. I know I am in God's plan, in my life, so I don't have to worry about it. (HOW freeing to not be in bondage, any more, to quotas and forcing the gospel in order to 'make disciples'. Thank GOD that is HIS business and I merely cooperate rather than force or cajole.)

Eight hours is a LONG time to be on a plane in economy class, by the way, especially when you are 5' 10" tall! - random thought.

During the flight, I was drawn to the woman next to me. Once again, however, I just left it to the Father. She slept the majority of the trip.

However, as we embarked, I engaged her in conversation. Come to find out, we were going to the same basic area in Paris which meant she would be traveling the same route through the airport and shuttles and metros. OH MY! A Godsend beyond belief!!! THANK YOU GOD! Being my first time in any foreign country, I was a tad intimidated in figuring out my way and actually finding the spot in Paris where I was to meet Jean (She did not come to the airport as it would have cost 20 euros - @ $35 - to do so. Made sense but that put a huge onus on me to find the way out of the labyrinth of a foreign airport/shuttle/metro. Therefore, this woman was an answer to a prayer a friend had prayed before I left "GOD send Karen a traveling buddy to help her find her way.")

My new found friend, Sula, led me, literally, through all the gates etc. I merely followed. As we finally settled on the metro for a 45 minute ride into Paris, I got to know her better - a Jewish woman from New York City; a die hard liberal Democrat leaning toward voting for Hillary Clinton - everything I am not yet GOD was using this woman to bless me. I simply asked questions to get to know her better and found myself miraculously not repulsed by a Hillary fan - *smile*; all the while, however, I am thinking "GOD, she does not know You the way that I know You. Will You open the door for me to share You with her?"

Nothing in the "spiritual sense" happened. But that is okay. Remember, I am learning to not have to force "this stuff". It's not up to me. The Spirit is in control and HE will prepare the soil. No longer do I plant corn seeds in January. Oh, it was tempting to manipulate the conversation but I resisted. Thank you GOD.

"I go where You tell me to go; I speak only what You tell me to speak"

Suddenly, as we neared her station she blurted, "I will keep going with you to make sure you get where you need to be." WOW. Now THAT is a servant heart. Obviously, too, she was enjoying the conversation! Under my breath, I kept praying "GOD, open the door when/if YOU want to."

"Let me buy you coffee," I offered. She accepted. And guess what? Yup. The conversation opened. It was exciting to see how it flowed and to hear the things that came out of my mouth. Honestly, I have never said things like that before. Ok. Maybe because I have never ministered to a Jew before - God's precious people, which I told her. I acknowledged what a gift she, as a Jew, is to me and how much I admire their reverence for God and His holiness - something, I believe, we in the Christian church have lost.

Who knows what will happen to those seeds. I just keep it in God's hands. He has a plan for Sula. He knit her together in her mother's womb. He will keep planting people in her life to water and fertilize those seeds. Either that, or He will send her dreams/visions or whatever it takes to reveal to her His son.

I can certainly intercede for her, which I have been doing.

It's really fun to serve the kingdom of God. It is sweatless! We just cooperate; keep our ears to the ground and, from there, HE blows open doors.

It's His work. This is a new concept for me but I am enjoying it.

When God Sends, HE provides

2008-03-04T05:59:00.007-05:00

My blogging hit a stand still this past month. Between preparing my son's Destination Imagination Team for competition and going to France, I have been busy. Additionally, I really have not had much to say. *smile*

Hopefully, in the next couple of posts, I will share how I experienced the faithfulness of God through this France trip AND Destination Imagination.

A friend of mine moved to Paris 3 years ago. Knowing that I was supposed to visit her, at some point, I purchased a Passport soon after her departure. Talk about a stretch. I am not a traveler. I can count plane rides on one hand; miles traveled, over my life time, are hardly excessive - and most of them are back home to New England (I am in Virginia). Still, God does not ask us to remain comfortable; He simply sends.

I was being sent. I knew it. I was waiting for the "right timing." (Either that, or I was hoping God would change His mind. Darn. He usually does not, does He? *grin*)

One thing I have been taught is that when God sends you, He will provide the funds. (And I want to stress that it's when HE sends - not when we feel compelled by need or others pleas/demands or guilt/shoulds and oughts. But when God puts His finger on US to go.) However, usually, we have to actually make the plans or even "go" as the step of faith. The funding will somehow "show up." Trust me - that kind of living is so "not me". I am a planner and plotter especially when it comes to finances.

It's not like our family has a traveling budget. We are simple living people with a very small household budget: one income, with some of my substitute teaching to help, on the side. In other words, money for a France trip would be a real stretch. Yet, I knew God was sending me.

Finally, last November I decided I would take the humongous leap into that abyss. I began searching plane fares and discovered that February is an ideal time to travel to Paris if one desires lower fares. Not really having the money but sensing God would provide, I bought the ticket on a Wednesday.

On Friday, there was an unexpected check in the mail that covered the entire trip - the plane fare and spending money. The source of this check is another miracle that would require a few blogs to explain the history; I may share that story if the Lord releases me.

To say I was overwhelmed and awed is an understatement.

It also confirmed that God truly was sending me to France. In ensuing blogs I will share where I saw His hand at work on many fronts.

January....

2008-02-01T10:26:00.001-05:00

January...

I am finally realizing that it is truly a "dormant" season for me. I guess dormant sounds better than difficult or struggling or depressed, right? *grin*

Coming from a background that stresses constant "strength and power and enthusiasm", it's difficult for me to admit "Shoot. Ya know what? I am NOT strong and ready to go during the month of January. Ok? So you chanters of the "Happy Song" and those with the terminal smile fixated on your face, give me some space."

*smile*

To top it off, these past two weeks, I have been sick. Rarely do I get sick.

So both barrels have been pointed at my life.

Thank God I am passed the point of feeling guilty or ashamed. "Oh No. Good and strong and spiritual Christians 1) dont't get sick because they stand in constant faith and miracles and 2) are never "dormant" or "down."

In fact, I am learning, the hard way, I have to admit, that it's truly in my weakness that I am strong. That when I come to the end of myself and have nothing left is when He steps in.

Can't say I have "felt" that this month. The short days. The cold weather. Being cooped up inside. I hate it.

What is intriguing to me, however, is that in the natural realm, every single creature goes through seasons of dormancy. The animals "hide" and the insects burrow underground. Seeds are buried deeply. In fact, science has shown that this period for them is critical for their survival. It's like a refueling time, so to speak.

The harsh winter weather "kills off" deadly insects and blows off fruitless branches. Mmmmm.....something to ponder. We see it as uncomfortable while nature, in some ways, welcomes this season.

Why do we, as humans, think that we are immune to similar cycles? Why do we pressure ourselves to always be "on top" and "strong" and "on the move"? Nothing else in the natural kingdom conducts life like this.

In other words, I am learning to give myself a break. No, I am not "accepting" sickness and defeat. No way! I have continually stood on His promises of divine health and healing IN SPITE of what I am feeling or seeing!

But I am learning to accept that, in general, January is not "my month." It's just the time of year for me to "bury myself away" and "hide underground" with a few good books and some strong coffee. *grin*

Oh sure, I need to be "ready" in and out of season. Which I am. Just yesterday, feeling absolutely miserable physically, I was able to minister to a sister who needed a jump start. "Karen, no one else in my life will be this candid with me and I need this kind of kick in the pants." And I wrote her an email this morning that was full of a neat anointing.

Still, does not mean I "feel" better.

I guess what I am saying is that I am learning to accept the rhythmic nature of my life. As I age (I am soon to be 49), I am finding that the "rhythms" come with more ferocity, at least internally. Oh well. No more pressure. Just sinking into HIM. That is where the "pressure" is anyway. HE started this work. HE will complete it.

I am merely along for the "ride". It's not up to me. Wow. YAY!

So January, I gladly say "good bye" to you; however, I am finally realizing that there is a deeper, less tangible value in the difficulty you seem to usher in every year. NEXT YEAR, I will be ready! *grin*

It's when I can't that HE DOES

2008-01-20T13:13:00.000-05:00

"I cannot bring it in through my strength; I can only wait in my weakness."

I wrote that in my journal last week.

It is becoming more clear, to me, how desperately weak and inept I truly am - even in the things I "thought" I could do well. I am so vulnerable at any point in time to the enemy deciding to derail me or stall me.

Through heavy sobs, last week, I cried out to the Father "I can't do this any more. I really see how much I need you in every area of my life."

Difficult place to be when it comes to ego and looking spiritual and strong. But, kingdom wise, I believe its the best place to be. In an odd way, there is a freedom in realizing I simply do not have to "be strong" for God any more. Yay!

I do not say that in pity or "woe is me" but through a profound (I think) understanding of how I can do nothing apart from Him. And that if HE has not gone before me, and HE has not anointed me, even in the things I can naturally pull off, it's a waste of time.

He did not wait long to test me in this:

This past weekend, I had the honor of speaking at a dear friend's wedding. It was to be a short spiel in sharing and explaining the verses she had chosen for her day.

Anyone who knows me, knows that speaking in front of a group is something I love to do. In fact, I am "good" at it. Whew. Recipe for disaster in the kingdom sense. Why? Because if I want to walk in a genuine anointing, then my natural aptitude must become a weakness.

Oh sure. I can preach with the best of them. I really can. That is not arrogance - I simply know where I am "good". But I told the Lord, as I prepared for the wedding "NO. I don't want to go in my own ability. I am tired of spiritual activity that comes from my finesse with words. I am tired of meaningless "junk" where I have used the Word or even spoken of significant truths, yet it is lifeless because it was out of my strength (i.e. ME) and not from YOU."

In all honesty, it got to the point, as I drove to the wedding, that I realized that if God did not show up, I was going to fall on my face. When it comes to speaking, I am not accustomed to that.

I fought my temptation to develop plan B just in case God let me down-

"God I want to live like this in every area of my life - if You don't show up, there is no plan B. I will simply look like a fool but I would rather look like a fool than keep going on the religious pathway that satisfies public scrutiny or makes people think I am gifted and a mighty godly woman but does absolutely NOTHING for the kingdom of God."

To make a long story short - God came through. Oh sure, you will never hear about it on TBN; but for that small and seeming uneventful point in time, where I was seeking to represent my King in whatever He desired to say, through me, heaven moved and showed itself faithful. It's just something I "know" in my gut - no fan fare. No hype. No applause. Just a knowing that God moved and I did not.

As scary as this kind of life style can be to pride and the religious system who craves program and strength, I believe it's the only path way to the miraculous.

"I can't any more, Father. I really can't. I am believing that YOU WILL even if You don't show up in MY timing."

Out of Chaos, HE moves

2008-01-10T18:21:00.000-05:00

"The earth was without form and void. And the Spirit of God moved upon the earth.." Genesis 1:2

Do you realize that a characteristic of God is revealed in this scenario? What is interesting is that it is laid out in the second verse of the entire scripture, meaning God wants us to see this. No verse in scripture is an accident or verbal diarrhea like human expression can be. (as I glance in the mirror! *grin*) There are truths revealed all the time in so many "verses we have read all our lives and never understood why God bothered to waste the print on them."

This is one of those verses. Most of us can quote it; few of us have considered its meaning. Processing its significance, however, can usher in some hope.

Here goes.

Do you ever feel like your life has unraveled? Where nothing is making sense, everything seems confusing and you feel completely and utterly out of control? You just want to quit it feels so unwieldy and chaotic and you feel so weak and stupid. Ugh.

What is our typical knee jerk reaction in such seasons? "I must be doing something wrong." "Where is God?" "Ugh. I am such a fool. If I were a strong Christian, none of this would be happening."

Adding to that is the accuser who reminds you continually of what you DID do wrong - because, if you are like me, there is plenty he can bring up. THANK GOD FOR THE BLOOD that cleanses me from all the accusations and frees me from that guilt and shame!

Each of those responses is a flat out lie. Sure, maybe we did usher in some of it with our humanity but, geesh, if perfection is what keeps our lives together than count me out. I am "right" and "strong" only, and I mean ONLY, because of what HE did for me at Calvary. If my life happens to be going smoothly, then, by golly, it's because He is granting me favor and a peaceful existence.

If my life happens to be falling apart, or feeling like it is, it's just the way it goes at that juncture: another bump in the road. It's not because He is angry or beating me up. Of course, He may use it to discipline me. But my point is that ME, I, MY CONTROL, MY GOOD LITTLE CHRISTIAN BEHAVIOR does NOT keep my life stable and perfect so when it DOES seem to be spiraling, I do not have to blame myself and fall into guilt and shame.

It's just a season. It WILL pass as quickly as it came. And if I walk through it in faith, I will come up another "notch" in this thing called character building or faith tested by fire, right? woo hoo. *grin*

Once again, though, look at the verse above. WHERE is God when "things" are feeling chaotic and without form and void? HE IS MOVING. Hovering. RIGHT THERE. In fact, from there, creation occurs.

Taking a huge leap, I will go even further and postulate that God only creates or performs the miraculous in the midst of chaos and life "out of wack." So if you want to walk in creative miracles or really cool supernatural, then you will, most likely, walk through some preceding chaos.

To just take that deep breath, let go of trying to fix and micro manage, and realize "OK. God is on the move. It feels like no one is on the move but I WILL TRUST that HE is hovering in the midst of this painful unknown and spiraling situation."

Walking away from that doggone need to control and make everything look pretty to observers and just let the chaos and mess and weakness "be", all the while waiting, in expectation that HE IS MOVING! I don't have to be strong and have it all together. My life does not have to be a Christian Hallmark commercial.

He is the strong One. He is the master designer out of the rubble and ruins. It's out of the ashes that the beauty comes anyway, right?

I tell ya, this "Christian life" is requiring tons more faith in the dark, unknown and often confusion than I ever realized. When you ask God to teach you how to REALLY learn to trust Him, He takes you up on that prayer; it does not look "pretty" to the naked, religious eye.

If He is going to "create" HIS creation then "my" stuff has to become "without form and void" does it not? Yikes. I like my stuff. I like my control and comfort.

However, in shaking things up a bit is when He seems to move the most isn't it?

So much for a neatly packaged life. *smile*

Sons or Orphans?

2007-12-31T13:10:00.000-05:00

God's top priority for creating man was to have sons.

Sin ruptured the Father/son relationship.

This is where reconciliation entered - God, as the Father, filling in the gap caused by the first son, Adam.

When Jesus said "It is finished" He was stating, among other things, that the necessary pathway to return the hearts of the sons to their heavenly Father was completed. Nothing more needed to be done.

So what does this mean for the body of Christ?

We are His sons.

We have a Daddy Father overwhelmingly committed to our provision, protection, deliverance, destiny etc. He has a cache of blessings for us, His children, at our taking. We did not earn it - if we comprehended how utterly wretched we are, we would laugh at the lunacy of believing, for one second, that we had any righteousness in us that we could offer as payment for our adoption.

Faith accesses it all. By believing in the truth of our position as sons, rather than wallowing in our often painful experiences , we believe, by faith, that every single promise in the Word is true. Always. Forever. And that each of those incredible promises apply to us: to you. to me. They are not set aside for the Billy Grahams or David Jeremiahs or John Paul Jacksons. The promises apply to every last son of God.

In other words, the ground at Calvary; the position of sonship - it's all a level playing field. But what a wonderfully exciting and rewarding playing field it is!!!

Well, then, why does there seem to be such a disconnect in the body of Christ when it comes to completely banking on these promises?

We have been robbed. Robbed by an orphan spirit. I believe that this spirit plagues the body of Christ.

First off, it has us full of guilt and shame. Convinced that we could never be good enough, many in the body seem to be on a whirlwind campaign to prove their worth or earn approval from God and man.

Additionally, the orphan spirit compels us with the lie that we have to pull life off on our own. If we do not take care of ourselves, who will? Is that not how orphans conduct their lives in the natural? Everyone for himself. Grab and hoard it all now because you have NO idea what tomorrow holds.

Now maybe some of you have a peaceful rest in knowing your adoption as His Son. That is truly exciting.

For the rest of us, I want to outline some behaviors that I believe demonstrate that an orphan spirit is in action in our lives.

An orphan hoards, as I mentioned. He is continually worried about tomorrow and the "what ifs" of life. Therefore, material possessions and anything in the here and now are grasped tightly. Oh, he may tithe. But give exceedingly and abundantly to a need? Whoa. That is too scary. "If I give away my stuff, who will take care of me?"

In other words, he trusts in his ability to provide. Everything is calculated when it comes to giving and letting go. "I need to make sure there will be enough for me. I need to make sure I don't get hurt."

An orphan is jealous.

He sees others getting ahead or being blessed and his response is "What about me? Where are my blessings?" He doubts that there is anyone strong enough or loving enough to take care of him let alone bless him. Or he is convinced that he would never be deserving or good enough for blessings. Thus, he continually feels on the outside when good fortunes are dispensed. Everyone else is on the receiving end. It's never him unless he manages to get it himself.

An orphan is defensive. His unspoken and subconscious motto is "If I do not defend myself who will?" It is unfathomable that someone would care enough and be strong enough to rush in and champion his cause.

An orphan is quick to criticize, judge - concentrating on the faults of others. At some level, he feels such shame and guilt over his life and, thus, wants to make sure everyone else appears as idiotic and weak as he; thus, he dwells on others' issues and is quick to verbalize them to anyone willing to listen.

The list could continue but I think there is enough there on which we can chew.

My point is to not fill anyone with shame and guilt. Wow. No.

It's simply that I observe this bondage in my own life and, honestly, I know I am not alone. The church is replete with those who feel orphaned! And the enemy will play every trump card to keep us there. For he is very aware that we are a potent body if we grasp, at a life changing revelation, our adoption status!

We are sons. Completed sons! Whether we feel it or not, we are.

So how do we begin to walk in our inheritance?

First off, we need to stop the denial and pretense. If what I am saying is hitting a nerve, let it flow. Let the Spirit begin to peel away the religious zeal with which we cover our weaknesses, fears and struggles. Let Him penetrate the areas where the orphaned spirit has taken control.

Secondly is repentance. Oh, that word has gotten such a bad rap. Repentance is a wonderful device. It is merely changing our minds. In other words, we choose to change our minds about what we believe and begin to embrace, by faith, what the Word says about us.

No small feat if our minds have been sered with the lie of the orphaned child. Oh, but it IS possible!! Don't you think that God the Father is passionately longing for his kids to live under HIS truth.? Don't ya think He will meet us in a marvelous way once we take this step?

From there, we ask the Father to break the bondage of the orphan spirit and believe that HE answers that prayer. Trust me. He longs for us to walk in our sonship more than we could ever perceive.

I think, too, that the "Spirit of Elijah" - the one who will turn the hearts of the children toward the fathers - (Micah 4:4-6) - prophesied for this age of the church, is part of this process. God is raising up men and women who will model the Fathers heart to the orphans! Therefore, pray for God to align you to godly men and women who have been qualified, by heaven (I do not mean a title from man but sent by GOD) to be spiritual fathers. Being in such relationships will help heal the wounds that are keeping many in the body from walking in their son ship.

Ok. I have said enough for now. Ponder it. Pray about it. Let the Spirit fill in where my mere words paint a thumbnail sketch of this potent revelation.

You are a son.

You have not been left on your own to wade through this world full of doubt and fear and a self defensive posture!

You have a Daddy Father who is committed, so doggone much, to providing for you and protecting you. He is merely awaiting your trust to let Him be that kind of Daddy to you!

The orphaned spirit MUST flee! Resist him!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anxious Minds Want to DO

2007-12-23T12:38:00.000-05:00

Feelings.

Man, they can reek havoc can they not?

I mean, we can be going about our business when, suddenly, a thought pierces our peace.

"What if......?" (fill in the blank - a "what if" thought, by the way, is always from the enemy. Always. It's speculation; the kingdom of heaven is built upon the solid foundation of His promises not speculative guessing. ) or "Man, look at how you are missing it or how others are getting blessed, used in ministry etc...etc...."

From there, we spiral into anxiety. And our minds race to figure out how to fix the situation.

"Well, if I am being left out or behind, then I will join, go, do this or that. I just have to 'make sure'."

"If that 'what if' situation is going to happen, then what can I do to prevent it?" Off we scurry into our man made concoction.

It becomes a circus. Right? At least my life does, at times.

Guess where the thoughts originate? I'll give you a hint - they are not from God. Ok, so......from where?

The enemy.

No they are not from us. This, in turn, means we don't have to beat ourselves up. We have the mind of Christ. That mind cannot create those thoughts. Yes, we have our weaknesses and Achilles heels for certain thoughts being more tempting than others but the thoughts are NOT ours. In our weakness is where He is strong.

Whew, No more guilt trips for some of those outlandish things that enter my mind.

And until we realize that, number one. And until we resist with the weapons of spiritual warfare instead of agreeing with them and acting upon them, we will remain cemented on the merry-go-round of useless works.

You see, each time we "come down" away from the promises and "act" upon the fearful thoughts, we have exited the secret place; we have entered enemy territory. That is where the drama unfolds: the drama of trying hard, worrying, scheming, figuring etc. That is right - dead works, even "spiritual ones", are in enemy territory.

Remaining on this cycle is precisely where the enemy desires to keep us. Why? So we will be hastily performing our own acts; we have skirted out of the bulls eye of the Spirit's plan. Being outside the Spirit's plan means being outside His grace (i.e. no longer abiding in the vine) which, in turn, means being outside the power we need to make impact for the kingdom of heaven.

So, friends, let's be more aware of how often our anxious feelings are the driving force behind our actions. Then, let's patiently seek the Father to hear what thought is driving the feelings. From there, let's resist. And resist some more. And more.

We are the only ones who can stop the merry-go- round. If we will resist, with kingdom power, and not feed the rushing thoughts.

Suppression or Overcoming?

2007-12-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

Suppression: the exclusion from consciousness of a thought or feeling.

Isn't that how we have learned to live with or deal with our struggles and temptations? We push them down. Fight them off. Get busy doing something else. Cover them with sweet smiles and religious behavior.

All the while, our temper, bitterness, jealousy, fear, criticism, etc...etc...boil below the surface. Yup. That's right. They remain. We have simply learned how to dress them up. Ask our families, right? "oh no, PLEASE don't go there!" *smile* Or watch us when the chips are down - our ugly reactions to difficulties are a sure indicator that something is askew.

Do you really think this is the life Christ purchased for us? The NT is replete with verses about our being a victor, a conqueror, a free man. Delivered. Set free. Overcomer.

But for most of us? Is that who we are? Is there a life style of overcoming or merely suppression?

"Whew. I made it through a day without losing my temper. I did a good job controlling it today."

In other words, we seem to be a hair from walking in defeat. We don't seek to overcome. We accept barely getting along. We are excited for superficial control. But the "issue" remains, below the surface, pushing and pulling its way to manifestation. It does not sound like overcoming to me.

I am not sure why we agree to this way of living. Christ's death and resurrection purchased complete freedom for us. The original word for salvation means wholeness, healing, protection, deliverance etc. etc. Why do we settle for salvation merely being fire insurance? "Whew. I am going to heaven. Who cares if I never overcome while walking on earth. I will develop different religious strategies for maintenance."

In other words, we have acquiesced to the enemy's lie of incomplete salvation.

Personally, I am tired of it. I am tired of just getting by.

In fact, the more I saturate myself in the Word and solid teachings, the more I am realizing that I am supposed to rule nations. Sons of God are rulers. Honestly, that concept is a joke if I cannot "rule" or gain victory over my soul. Think about that one. If I am impotent in defeating, once and for all, the junk in me, through the power and weapons He provides, how in the world can I be expected to rule over the bondages in others in leading them to freedom?

My "potential" as a Son of God starts at home, in me.

What I am finding in this pursuit of my inheritance, as a ruler, is how utterly hopeless I am, on my own, to overcome. No matter how hard I try, I never, in the long run, can control those nagging issues that have plagued my personality for as long as I can remember. Trust me. I have exerted tenacious diligence to overcome: self help books; prayer; fasting; more prayer; New Year's resolutions. *sigh*

They have all yielded the same result, in the long run - failure.

Know what God says about my failures? "GLORY in them. THANK ME for them." (II Cor 12:9 ff). Huh? No way. Testimony time, at church, is where we glory in how wonderful we are or all the incredible exploits for the kingdom WE have done. I cannot "glory" in my ineptitude.

Who says?

Not God. God stresses that the only time I will ever see victory, as opposed to suppression, is in admitting defeat. Acknowledging failure to master my sins and struggles on my own. Agreeing with the Word, that I am worse off than I really care to concede. It's supposed to be that way.

Even if others may be shocked by my horrid failures and inabilities, He is excited when I finally get to Romans 7:24 place: "Oh my. What a wretched and pitiful wreck that I am. WHO will save me from ME?"

When I finally accept that I am not the strong one, THEN and only then can I begin the victor's walk into complete salvation. No more suppression. No more sweetness on the outside while the temptations gurgle and boil behind my mask.

"I can't do it any more, Father. I have tried so doggone hard. I am tired."

"FINALLY, child, you are getting it."

I want all the roots out. I really do. I am weary of the latest 10 step plan or 40 day strategy that is another "cover up". Only His power can do that. And I will only access that power when I finally surrender, admitting I am a hopeless mess apart from Him. (I am, honestly, learning to love failure. :o))

So, friend, did you fail today? Are you beating yourself up? Stop! He is not beating you up. That is the lie of religion. The lie that states we are supposed to be something we can never be - able, strong, good, pure, holy, kind etc. We cannot dress up the flesh. He never intended it that way. The more we realize that we are messed up when we try so hard on our own, the better off we will be. The flesh is crucified. Dead. Nada. Not beautified for all to see and admire.

Let's lay down all the stinkin guilt and shame for our struggles. ok?

Maybe next time I can talk about some of the specifics and practical things I am discovering on this journey. For now, I believe I have said enough.

The "Big" Picture

2007-12-10T09:06:00.000-05:00

Finally got out on the bike yesterday. Pedal bike, that is - in case visions of a Harley "biker babe" are cultivating in your mind! *smile* Here, in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, we are blessed with rolling hills and solitude over back country roads.

It is on these long rides where God often speaks to me. Yesterday was no exception.

His short word to me "Keep your focus on the big picture."

Bemoaning life's frustrations and worries, like money and the labyrinth of raising an adolescent, I was crying out to Him for wisdom, peace, etc. You see, I am a 48 year old woman. With this season of life comes all the roller coaster emotions one can fathom.

And He gently reminded me of that.

"Karen, you see the day-to-day of life. And you let the day-to-day affect you. My kingdom is a dynamic greater than the daily worries. In fact, in many ways, I am not even concerned with the nitty gritty of the daily concerns that weigh you down." Of course, He cares. He cares enough to know the ever changing numbers of hairs on my head. But He is not bogged down or shaken by the daily occurences that often dismantle me.

I guess what I was sensing is that we humans (and especially women? *smile*) are prone to become stymied by how we are feeling or what we are experiencing during a 24 hour period. Yet God's plan is so much bigger. Therefore, if we are going to walk in the peace offered by His kingdom, we need to align our minds with His way of thinking which is the BIG picture.

It's easier to simply let my mind wander aimlessly through the high -ways and by-ways of worry, fear, frustration only to be flown sky high with the little daily joys that come my way. See? Up and down. Up and down - depending on circumstances, hormones and moods.

Yikes. I cannot find that in the Word any where - up and down and all around.

Too often I passively allow my mind to travel on those paths. And, thus, my emotions quickly follow. These, in turn, affect everything in my life. (How does that saying go - "if mom ain't happy, no one is happy"? *grin*)

However, I am not a slave to these emotions. I am a bond slave to the never changing truth of the victory won over that kind of bondage at the cross! My focus needs to be redirected.

Redirecting a 60 ton barge would require less effort in my opinion. Yet that is not the point - ease and comfort. The point is whether I desire to manifest the kingdom of God which is peace.

As the daily frustrations and whirlpools of experiences assault my mind, and thus gather up my emotions into a heap of turmoil, it is imperative that I choose to focus on the kingdom: re routing my thoughts to the promises; the rock solid truths of the Word. They never ever change.

There are promises He has made concerning our finances or our son. Will I fix my thoughts on those rather than the bill that came in the mail or the attitude I experience from my son? Or will I react? With fear and dread? Anger? Retaliation?

Amidst the unpredictability of the day-to-day nuances called "life", the kingdom promises of the big picture are the reality. What I see and often experience is not my reality as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. However, if I do not war for my mind's control, then I will be swept away by fleeting daily events.

Of course, I can quote these promises and we can discuss them and I can sound super spiritual. But to actually cling to them as opposed to what I see in the natural? Or what I am feeling in my every spiraling emotions?

It's a battle. However, it's a battle that He already won. My choice is whether I align myself with the victor or wallow in my emotions. It is completely up to me.

The Big picture of the kingdom talks of things so much bigger than the "itsy bitsy" things that steal my peace. The power of that big picture is beyond anything I can fathom. Oh, and the promises of the kingdom? Whoa - much more effective and potent and abundant than the "silly" temporal things that I permit to steal that concentration.

The Normal Christian Life

2007-12-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

What is the normal Christian life?

If we define it by what we observe, in the body of Christ, we may conclude that it is often filled with defeat - lots of good talk but no power and victory. Ok. That could sound harsh. I don't mean it that way so indulge me while I ramble. *grin*

From talking to many, as well as from my own experience, I notice a common theme in the body: "no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot get past this nagging sin/struggle/issue." And so there is a resignation: this must be normal. In other words, we accept defeat. "I guess I will always have a temper, jealousy, fear, food addiction, pornography addiction, bitterness, depression etc."

We have sought prayer. We have begged and pleaded with God to remove this sin or struggle. We have applied herculean efforts to over come. Never-the-less, the issue relentlessly clings to our lives.

The Word speaks of a different life, though, doesn't it? The Word describes victory and conquering and peace and joy. So where is the disconnect? What are we missing?

Maybe my own experience can shed some light?

A few years ago (not that long ago just to make sure you see that I am not claiming that all my struggles were eons ago and now I am the epitome of arrival. *smile*) I was severely depressed. I mean the kind where I could not get out of bed for days. In fact, suicide was a serious temptation; it is only because of God that I am still alive.

Depression is horrible. People suggest all the "shoulds" you need to do to get out. Good grief. A depressed individual has no energy to do the things suggested.

(Kind of like whatever issue you are facing right now? The people who don't face that particular temptation or trial spew out copious proposals so you can "get over it." All the while you are literally holding on by your finger nails; to simply "do" what they advise? You would have done it long ago, if you could, right? *smile*)

I went on medication; but I knew that was not God's ultimate plan for me. Sure, for the time being, I needed them. However, for the rest of my life? That was the prognosis if I did not uncover a way out (and if you are currently on meds, please do not hear finger pointing. We each have our own journey and this is simply mine).

I had received prayers of deliverance. I was in daily contact with a prophetic man of God who would encourage me and pray over me. Although they helped, I still found myself, at times, incapacitated with the suffocating blanket of depression.

One day, as I lay in bed crying out to God for deliverance, He whispered "Get up."

"Yeah right. You may as well ask me to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. I cannot get up. YOU, GOD, have to get me up. I need a miracle. Why won't you set me free?" I was so tired and angry.

And He said "Karen, I will not do what you can do. If you will get up and take that first step, I will move from there but YOU have to get up." Whew.

It was difficult. And for sake of brevity, I will simply say, I got up. Was there any supernatural force that got me up? Not really. It was sheer choice. From THERE, He moved. AFTER I made that choice, THEN I experienced a little relief from the depression.

Oh, it was not over, by far. This scenario replayed itself incalculable numbers of times for quite a few years.

Today, for the most part, I am depression free and medication free. Oh, I still have to resist depressive thoughts - fears and bitterness and self pity. I have to consciously choose to "renew my mind" from the well routed pathways that lead to depression. It's a huge shift in my mind set. It may be something with which I battle the rest of my life; however, I am on the winning side finally.

I am a walking miracle. A sign and a wonder. In other words, I believe I have been delivered from depression but I had to make the first step. And I must continue to make that step.

First off, I had to decide that I wanted to be free. I observe that for many of us, and I am one if I am not careful, there is a strange kind of reward in holding on to our bondages. Yeah, sounds kind of weird doesn't it? Still, aside from our denial, I think if we would be nakedly candid, we would have to admit, "mmmmm. I think a part of me does not want to get well. There is some comfort, or whatever you call it, to staying stuck."

Sure, we continually go up for deliverance prayer during alter time. Or ask God for a miracle. But if secretly we don't want to get well, ya know what? God will let us stew in our sickness and bondage. We need to permit Him to shine the light at our depths - do I really want to be free of all of this?

Secondly, after I finally got past that childish part of me who kind of enjoyed being depressed, (someone had to feel sorry for me for all I was facing in life) I had to "do" whatever that first step was that HE asked me to do. There were no fire works or falling out in the Spirit. It was sheer will. Getting out of bed: over and over and over for a few years. Finally, the sun began to shine but it took a while.

In other words, victory requires intense perseverance with one teeny step at a time as well as seasons of failure. (yeah, there were days I refused to get up. It was too hard or I was having too much "fun" feeling depressed and pitiful.) Ya think Satan is going to give up easily? HA!

That step of obedience. What is it for you? Seek the Father. He will show you "THIS is the thing you need to 'do' whenever that temptation arises. This simple act of blind obedience. I am not going to magically deliver you from this 'stuff'. YOU have to take that step WHEN the situation presents itself - over and over and over. THEN, and only then, will I show up and perform a miraculous exchange."

Yes, the normal Christian life requires the miraculous because we are so doggone weak and impotent on our own. However, it does not occur in a vacuum. More prayer and bible reading or fasting is not the answer. We want God to just take away the temptation. Nope. Typically does not happen that way.

We have to resist the temptation with whatever that step is that God is requiring. The first few times are painfully difficult and seemingly impossible. But as we choose, He will show up.

Defeat is not the normal Christian life. Masking our defeat with spiritualeze is not the ultimate of what He purchased.

Peace. Victory. More than a conqueror - that is what HE offers us.

We, however, need to cooperate with our obedience.

Don't accept whatever your issue is, friends. He has more for you.

So much more!!!

Kingdom Maturity

2007-11-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

If you sow into the kingdom of this world, you will reap its rewards. If you sow into the kingdom of heaven, you will reap its rewards.

Light and darkness cannot co exist. You either have one or the other.

So let's combine the two tenets - each and every decision, in our lives, is either sowing into the kingdom of this world or into the kingdom of darkness. We cannot have both. That's right - kingdom dynamics demand no fence sitting. I guess that is why Jesus said "I despise lukewarmness" Revelation 3:16.

This probably sounds elementary. Funny thing - it IS elementary. The kingdom is so simple and practical. Problem is we have replaced its simplicity with complicated rhetoric and doctrine or highly energized meetings and programs.

To walk out the kingdom of God is a daily choice where we live - with our families, our co workers, our friends. This is where we either grow or stagnate as Sons of God. It's not "out there" in how effectively we preach or sing or minister.

Maturing in the kingdom depends solely on becoming more like HIM and less like US in our thoughts, actions and reactions with those with whom we rub shoulders regularly. For years, I did not understand this.

Going to more "anointed meetings" where I was prayed over repeatedly were my attempts at manifesting supernatural changes in me. My temper. My depression. My selfishness - if only I could "be delivered" by some prayer from one of those powerfully anointed prophets or evangelists - THEN I would become more Christ-like as a wife, mother and friend.

And attending all those meetings, I did. I am surprised I am not bald with all the hands laid on me. *smile*

I am not denying that the prayers helped. I know that they did. They helped tremendously! However, the substantive transformation occurred (and still does for I am far from the arrival point) in daily interchanges - would I choose to react with the kingdom of God or would I insist on demanding my own way - the kingdom of this world? Where would I sow so that the proper garden would manifest?

Darn. I preferred to be magically transformed by a weekend conference.

Practically speaking, the changes happen in the trenches of every day life.

When something irritates me, angers me, saddens me, or hurts me (see all the ME involved? That is a red flag right there, isn't it? *smile*), will I react according to my natural bent? Will I spew out self defense or walk away and let HIM defend me? Will I call someone and moan in self pity and whining or will I pour out my heart to Him and let Him have it? Will I hold a grudge or forgive even though the person does not deserve it?

When my son opens his mouth with on of those "low" comments from a teen, will I respond with my own low blow? "Oh, I just have to let him know how he hurt me or is wrong - my rights and dignity are being threatened. I cannot stand for that." Or will I walk away, turn the other cheek, and let the Father, in His own way, speak to my son?

(And no, I am not advocating permissive lawlessness. I am attempting to make a point. There is a balance.)

It's difficult - this "living in the kingdom of God" stuff, that is. Whew.

I have my rights I need to protect. I have my opinion I need to blow out. I have all my hurt feelings of which the entire world needs to be aware and to which it needs to cater! And I have the vulnerable places in my soul I need to protect with my walls of sarcasm or come backs.

Oh and the silent treatments. Guilt trips. Pouting. Subtle comments here or there. Surely, I need those, don't I? I am not expected to just sit back and trust God to take care of me?

It depends on which kingdom I desire to obtain. And to this is what it all boils down: I cannot have both. I cannot smile at church on Sunday or minister to the poor on Wednesday, convincing myself how spiritual I am - yet with those closest to me, I am selfish, manipulative, and spoiled.

Light and darkness cannot coexist in me, remember? Oh, I can fake it and seem mature to outsiders; however kingdom dynamics are eternally in effect no matter how religious is my cesspool cover. In other words, I always reap what I sow - and that applies in those nitty gritty reactions in my home, hidden from all of "you". *smile*

In my routine interactions, as long as I need to protect my rights and moods and opinions with my own vices, then I will inherit the results that only that kind of sowing can provide. Flesh begets flesh. Therefore, if I believe that "this is the way I am; others must deal with it" and then insist on reacting according to my natural bent, then that is what I will reap - flesh. Temporary satisfaction "I showed them." Yeah. I did, didn't I? And what, truly, do I have to show for it? *sigh*

I will never grow up living like that. Never. No matter how much Bible I read or ministry I perform, if I am still reactive and self protective using the kingdom of this world dogma, I remain stymied in becoming more like Christ.

If I choose the death march to me, He will increase. And so will His kingdom. For as I decrease, HE increases. John 3:30. Simple equation; not so simple in walking in out, huh? I cannot "pray" to die more. I just have to do it. *sigh*

Resisting all those horrid thoughts that cling to my brain - jealousy, anger, unforgiveness, hurt, self pity, depression, pay back, etc. Taking one thought at a time and applying the Name of JESUS and all its power to that thought. Walking away when I want to vomit that little comment. Choosing love and humility instead of my rights to the silent treatment or my self made manipulative walls.

Paul was right when he said "We will enter the kingdom of God through much tribulation." Acts 14:22. I prefer entering through the next anointed conference or laying on of hands. I don't like tribulation to ME and my natural way of always having done things. And I don't like how long it takes! *smile*

See? It's simple. But no one who really understands said it was going to be easy.

But it's one or the other, today. Kingdom of this earth? Or kingdom of heaven - I cannot do both.

From Which Kingdom Do You Live?

2007-11-19T07:37:00.000-05:00

The kingdom of God.

The kingdom of this world.

We physically live in one. However, we are citizens of the other.

And maybe you are thinking "well, duh...tell me something new."

Ok. Let me try. *grin*

I am realizing that, for 40+ years, what I thought defined Christianity is incomplete of what the Word proclaims. And no, I am not joining a cult. I am convinced I am in a season of life changing revelation.

Every day, with every decision, both conscious and sub conscious, we make choices as to which kingdom we are serving. Now, for me, over the years, I concluded that kingdom choices involved my avoidance of drinking, smoking, cussing, pre marital sex etc. You know - all the "taboo behaviors" that were exalted as holiness when stopped. In other words, my external way of life is what made me righteous and, thus, a "kingdom person" . And the "better" I did, the more righteous I became.

I also diligently performed ministerial duties to "get others saved". I mean that is "bearing fruit"? That is the kingdom of God. Right?

Work. Try. Strive. Smile. Be good. Sign up for any and every opportunity to minster.

As Paul says in Phil 3, I had it all down. I really did.

But did I?

Truth be told, we have promoted a Christianity not much better than the Pharisees. Being highly effective in cleaning the outside of the platter we have neglected the inside. (Matt 23:25)

In Luke 17:21, Jesus proclaims that the kingdom of God is within us. And in Romans 14:17 Paul states that the kingdom of God has nothing to do with what we do but it is righteousness, peace and joy.

In other words, there is something profound and unexplainable in all of this kingdom talk: a supernatural element that, I believe, has been over looked.

When we "accept Jesus" (I really hate that phrase, by the way. *grin* It sounds so religious and superficial; we don't just "accept Jesus" - we are exchanged, in an instant, from one kingdom to another: a supernatural transference occurs), we become Sons of God (I prefer that phrase over "Christians" any day. A "Son of GOD" has rights and privileges; blessings chase him down. A Son of God has power to heal the sick and drive out demons. A Son of God is the light of the world and changes the atmosphere everywhere he goes. A Son of God is an heir. A Son of God has peace and inner joy. In comparison, the term "Christian" feels stuffy and pious and so run- of -the -mill to me. Yeah, I am stepping on toes but, hey, I can have an opinion. I will not make a doctrine out of it or write a book or even argue. Just throwing out food for thought.)

As a Son of God, we have another King. We have another set of standards by which we make decisions and how we respond to life. And it goes way beyond turning down a can of beer or avoiding a cigarette.

A Son of God realizes that the law of sowing and reaping is in effect with every decision. If we sow into the kingdom of heaven with a kingdom response, we will reap the kingdom of heaven - righteousness, peace and joy. If we sow into the kingdom of this world with our actions and responses, even those unseen to most, we will reap all the "wonderful" things the kingdom of this world has to offer- worry, toiling, striving, conflict, fear etc.

(The Father said to me, last week, "Karen, you can do it your way and maintain your control and thus, get your results which could be good or even okay or you can do it My way, let go, trust ME, and get My results which are always over the top. Which do you want?" Um. I will take the kingdom of God's results even though my soul, who needs to know and loves control, will take a beating in the process. )

You see, those directed by the kingdom of God, will experience something deep within that springs forth. This hidden transformation affects our decisions in the "little things" of life. It's so much more than "accepting Jesus and giving up smoking." It's about how we respond when falsely accused or misunderstood. Do we need to defend ourselves or can we trust that our daddy King will defend us?

It's about how we take care of ourselves: do we depend on self protection with the fears and insecurities and injustices of life? Do we whine and complain and gossip when someone else abuses us or life is unfair and hard? Are we quick to speak judgement and criticism against others? Do we seek or hope for revenge?

Do we promote ourselves? Do we ensure we are noticed and applauded even in the most manipulative and conniving way?

Or what about our provision? Do we honestly trust God or our bank account? When the funds are low and the bills are high, is our immediate reaction "What can I do?" or is it "Wow. What a neat opportunity to see my King rise up and provide?"

Do we find ourselves toiling, striving in things to "do" for GOD? (Toiling was a curse placed on Adam. Sons of God never toil. Oh, they work hard but they don't toil or strive. They are at rest. They realize that they are a mightily love child of God and there is nothing they need to "do" for God.)

You see, it seems that the church has been anxious to preach the behavior. Or a superficial feel good campaign - "Come to Jesus and all your woes will be gone."

*smile* I was on the front lines!

Yet even though we preach it, does the world see people living in a different kingdom with a different King?

They see our behavior and judge us by our behavior - "Christians are just a bunch of goody two shoes." (but they are mean as snakes when you rub them the wrong way.)

In our daily life styles, do they observe a righteousness that is super cedes our actions? Do we exude deep peace and even kindness in the midst of fears and trials and struggles? Is there an unshakable joy? Do we consistently sow for the kingdom of God rather than react with the kingdom of this world?

Are there frequent signs and wonders following us like followed Jesus? (remember, we are to do greater works than He did - John 14)

Or are we just like everyone else? We go to church. We discuss God with our friends and co workers. We even try to "get them saved." But our lives and attitudes are no different; they are, in fact, lifeless with no regular supernatural experiences?

Have we been remolded from the inside out? Our jealousies and pettiness and bitterness? Our fears and insecurities? Our pride and criticism? Do they remain as strong vices even though our smoking and cussing have abated?

Is there a supernatural power changing us or are we mere labels? Good works? "Holy" behavior?

The more I read, the more I just "give it all up" when it comes to most that I believed
defined Christianity: my working hard and being good or seeking to be a minister. On many fronts, I am back at square one.

The kingdom of God - that is where my citizenship belongs. I desire to see it manifest in my daily living.

It's extremely difficult to put it into words and keep it concise in a blog. But I wanted to try.

Welcome to my world. *smile*

The "Reality" of Adolescence

2007-11-08T08:22:00.001-05:00

Adolescent.

Do you have one? If so, then the term possibly elicits all kinds of painful emotions.

Where is that sweet child who was convinced I hung the moon?

What happened to the warm embraces or the enjoyment of being with me? When he was little, I once said to him, "Preston, as kids get older, often, they do not want to be seen with their mom."

"Oh mommy," was his joyful reply, "I will never do that." FREEZE FRAME! Should have stopped life right there. *grin*

To say it's been a tumultuous ride is an understatement.

I was the expert on raising adolescents when my boys were toddlers. "Oh my, I will never have THAT problem when my boys are in High School." Yikes. My arrogance is catching up with me. (Isn't it funny that we are wonderful parents at the stage we are NOT at? When I was single, I knew exactly what to do with screaming toddlers in the store. "If that child were mine, I would........" HA! Then I had my own. Prior to having teenagers, I could have written a book on the do's and don'ts of raising teens. *grin*)

Well, as difficult as it is, I believe there is another way of defining it: at least that is what the Lord is saying to me. So I pass it on. Lucky you.

Studies state that adolescence is supposed to be stormy for the parents. "Your children need to break away and develop their independence. In that process, they will exhibit rebellion and 'tudes."

Ok. Part I, I believe is true - our kids, from day one, are learning how to be their own person. The process is merely magnified a gazillion times during the teen years.

But does it really have to be so rocky?

Let's bring the kingdom of God and His reality into the mix. Seriously. If we, as the children of God, live in the reality of the kingdom of God, what IS truth? The entity called the kingdom of God is more real than what we see. Believing that is step one in breaking out of blind acceptance of what the pundits say about anything.

So if the reality of the kingdom of GOD is MY reality, then let's apply the truths associated with it to the adolescent stage.

It says in Luke 2:52 that Jesus "grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man." No, there is nothing specifically mentioned about his adolescent years. However, I do not believe that wisdom and stature would describe what we accept as normal adolescence.

Look at King David. In his early adolescence, he was anointed king. Or Mary - at the age of 14 the angel appeared to her. I dare say that the teen we deem typical today, even in the body of Christ, would meet the quality of character necessary to rise up to either of these situations.

I guess what I am trying to say is, once again, I see us, as the body of Christ, merely molding into whatever the wisdom of this world passes out. Indiscriminately, we accept what the world says is normal, all the while forgetting that our kingdom is another kingdom; we are citizens of another world.

Of course, I am not implying that it means everything in our lives will be perfect or easy. My gosh. If that is what is needed, then do not come to my house or enter my world! *smile*

But I do implore all of us to examine our thought processes and our words/complaints. What are we receiving as truth? The kingdom truth where there are not any 'tudes or other experiences we define as natural humanity or the supposed conclusions from studies done by this PhD or that Sociologist?

THY kingdom come. We pray it. Why not start believing in it in the nitty gritty of our lives?

I am seeking to change what I say about my son and our ride through this season. My words, especially as his parent who holds tons of authority over his life in the spirit realm, need to be kingdom words - words of promise and hope. What does the WORD say about my child? (Read some of the promises over our children; they are potent. One in particular in Psalm 144 - "your children will bloom IN THEIR YOUTH." You mean our children can be mighty men and women NOW? That is what the WORD says. Can I believe it in spite of what I see and experience?)

Instead of moaning and complaining about the difficulties of adolescence, I am learning to seek His face. "Father what promises are you asking me to believe and speak? What do YOU say about Preston? Not what the latest teen psychologist spews." It's amazing the promises He has whispered when I sit still long enough to hear. My problem is I forget to stand on the promises when the 'tudes arise. My bad.

It's time for me to war more fervently and effectively over his life. (no more shot gun prayers. I seek to align myself to what Jesus is saying in His daily intercession; so I pray bullet prayers.) In our intercession, we are called to be that bridge that ushers IN the kingdom of heaven realities into the earthly realm. In fact, that is really all that intercession is - a bridge in the gap between heaven and earth. So why not employ it AND believe it in the matters of the heart - with our children?

It's not easy. The 'tude still springs forth, at times. Then again, I have seen some minor changes as my reality has changed and my prayers/praise/thanksgiving over the promises (as opposed to what I see or experience) have changed.

Adolescence. I am not sure it's supposed to be that difficult. Thanking God for the promises, I am beginning to alter my thoughts and words.

"THY KINGDOM COME INTO OUR DAILY EXPERIENCE OF RAISING THIS MIGHTY WARRIOR OF THE KING" for that is how I now speak over his life.

Amen.

In Christ - its beyond comprehension

2007-11-02T18:22:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but often, God keeps me immersed in a phrase or thought for a whle.

The past few weeks the phrase has been "IN CHRIST".

There is a passage in Galatians that says "You have been clothed in Christ." 3:27

All my life, I glossed over the verses about being "in Christ". Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the more meatier words that either tell me what to do (I like that black and white stuff) or promise me the moon.

Lately, things are changing. I am noting these nuggets I have ignored all these years.

We are in Christ. Ok. I will stop there.

If we have applied the blood as the only atonement for our sinful being - meaning if we are sons of God - then we are "in Christ."

We did not barely "become a Christian." Nor did we only "go to the alter to accept Jesus" during an emotional appeal of a long winded preacher. (Oh they have such a religious ring to it, don't they?) Of course, that is how some of us entered this realm - but that's just it: we entered an entirely new realm.

Everything that matters changed at the moment we became children of God.

The godhead moved into us and the nucleus or "hub" of our entire being was transformed into something entirely new. As Colossians says "We were translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light." 1:13. Paul later says that in our new kingdom, we have been given the fullness of Christ. Col 2:10.

We are not simple happy go lucky church goers, hoping for a fix on Sundays. We are not "just Christians".

WE ARE IN CHRIST!!!!!!!!

To me, it appears that we are missing something here. I cannot put my finger on it but in observing how most of us conduct our lives, I don't find overwhelming evidence that the body of Christ is exhibiting the might and power and glory (and don't forget the love walk) that we now have. Of course, I place myself in the middle of that conclusion!

In general, we are limply plodding through life; the only difference, when compared to our unsaved neighbors, is that we go to church on Sundays. Oh we talk a good talk and we can quote great verses and even get passionate about Christian things.

But in the nitty gritty, where the whole "being full of the godhead of heaven in every cell of our being", is to be lived out as moms, dads, employees, husbands, wives etc. is there anything that shines? I mean really really reeks with the glory of heaven?

(remember - we are IN CHRIST.)

I wonder what would happen if every Christian would meditate on the truth of his being "in Christ" for a month - seeking a revelation from heaven.

I think it would bring about a metamorphesis. I postulate that if we, as sons of God, lived out, every minute of every day, the revelation that we are "in Christ", with all that it entails, our approach to so many things would shift.

We are the embodiment of the kingdom of heaven on this earth. We are the glory of God; yeah, thats right. The body of Christ is the glory.

All those worship songs that ask for the glory to come? What are we expecting? It's like we think God is holding out on us until we beg long enough? Come on. That is not the heart of the Father. He is an abundant giver.

He's given us ALL we need for life and godliness. II Peter 1:3. So what's wrong?

There is no gold ring, folks. There is not another level for the church to attain at least positionally. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to walking in all the fullness of the godhead.

MAYBE if we would simply believe who WE are we could stop singing some of our songs, ya know? If we could spend time, alone in seeking intimacy in the way of HIS revealing to us just WHO we are and WHAT we carry, all the things for which we plead in our prayers and songs would be answered. Because, truthfully, I believe most of the things for which we ask have already been given - we just don't have the revelation.

We are swimming in a mud puddle when the river of life is right around the corner. If only we would look up and see it.

I am IN christ. I am CLOTHED - covered, sunk into - Christ. My oh my. In some ways, I am back at the drawing board in understanding what this "being a Christian" is all about. *grin*

Unity in our Diversity - Is it Possible?

2007-10-27T09:30:00.000-04:00

I have been pondering a troubling phenomenon.

Having a variety of friends from diverse spiritual backgrounds, I realize, unfortunately, how divided we are, as a body of Christ. Let me develop this thought a bit. I certainly do not have the complete handle on anything; it's merely something that I have been noticing.

Each of my friends goes to a different "gathering" called church. Some are charismatics; others independent and denominational; while another group meets in home fellowships.

In each particular assembly, there is unique jargon that is not used elsewhere. Additionally, there are well worn songs not sung in other groups. I have found myself, on numerous occasions, not knowing a single song and not comprehending phrases used in sermons or discussions. Still, friends invited to "my world of fellowship" have similar experience - an unfamiliarity with songs and concepts.

In one group, well known leaders are cited, while those same leaders/names are alien to the others. (In my own smugness, I want to scream "How can you not know the likes of Rick Joyner, Graham Cooke, Chuck Pierce, John Paul Jackson etc.?")

How we pray is very different. We have distinct worship styles.

In other words, we face a foreboding chasm in the body of Christ.

There is a comfort in our own preference, isn't there? We want to be in our safe and cozy arrangement rather than venture out to others.

Furthermore, I think I can cautiously propose, we are a tad snobbish over our own particular style or church? Who wants to "not be right?" When there is such diversity, of course, the one where I find sanctuary and understanding is the "best", right?

Oh sure, we can accept the others; however, internally, we muse that we have a "cutting edge" something or other that sets us a little apart. It's human nature to be that way - not being critical or hard on anyone but speculating that it's how we are naturally wired.

So where does this leave us? Hopefully, it will bring us to our knees in humility in apprehending we are a far cry from the unity for which God made us.

You see, God created the body of Christ. We have created a "church". To us, "church" means the gathering we attend on a Sunday. To Him, the body is all of us together with one common goal - to be conformed to the image of His Son, and through the compassion exhibited by His Son, to lead others to freedom found only in Him.

(One point I do want to emphasize, at least from my vantage point - there is a plethora of "churches". Being a church does not automatically make one part of the body of Christ. I know - close minded but it's my opinion. *smile* Unless the blood and cross of Jesus are preached as the only way to God and the name of Jesus is regularly extolled, I do not believe that such a gathering is part of the body of Christ. It may be a church; it's not His church. Without Christ, how can one be a Christian? Ok, I said it. It's off my chest.)

Those of us in Christ are part of the same vine. So why do our grapes look so dissimilar? And why do we feel so uncomfortable, and even critical, in partaking of the others' grapes? Why do we think that our grapes are the best? And with such an arrogance, how in the world will we ever come together in unity?

And please hear me - when I say arrogance and criticism toward other brands of worship, I am exposing my own heart first and foremost. My gosh - the things I have seen rise in me over the past few years have, truly, sickened me. However, I also take an odd kind of comfort in realizing that I am, most likely, not alone with my cesspool of thoughts; I am simply honest with myself and will freely discuss it. In other words, I am convinced that, in most of us, is a deeply rooted sense that our way of worship; our particular "church talk"; our firmly held beliefs are THE sacred ones and, hopefully, the others will come on board to our way of thinking.

I guess what I am saying is we secretly see unity as being others finally seeing it our way. Ya know?

Then again, maybe not. Maybe this blog is all about a "just me" conviction and I am exposing the depravity of my own heart. If that is the case, so be it. Feast and enjoy! *smile* Thank GOD for the blood that covers me.

Anyway.

Whatever is going on inside each of us, I know that my initial observation is true - we are diverse and separated on many fronts. And it seems difficult for any of us to cross over even to accept that the other way may, actually, have something we need: something we desperately need.

Each style has great strengths and weaknesses. If we would learn to lean into each other and openly accept that we are missing things that other parts of the body have, a more unified front could develop. This means we have to step outside our comfort zone. Ouch. We hate that, don't we?

The concept of church unity feels ominous and impossible.

Church unity is something for which I hope and pray.

I guess, at this point, my conclusion is that I can only change me. Being more honest with my own propensity to criticism and pride I can seek repentance, cleansing and real change. From there, I can pray. I can seek ways, directed by the Spirit, to be unified with others from various and sundry backgrounds.

I am not responsible to fix this quagmire of a problem world wide. However, in my own sphere, I am responsible for whatever He places on my heart in the way of correction and becoming more open minded.

Just something I have been processing.

That ol' sin nature IS dead.

2007-10-25T09:58:00.000-04:00

"For we know that our old self was crucified with Him." Rom 6:6

"We have been brought from death to life." Rom 6:13

(Bear with me as I am processing some doctrinal truths. By far, I do not claim to have everything down pat; I am being molded daily. Some of the molding is still wet and forming. *grin*)

So often I hear myself talk about my "sin nature". I whine and complain about the power that my sin nature has over me. I get so tired of my "sins" and struggles winning.

Ya know what? I don't HAVE a sin nature. OK - hold your fire for a second in case there is temptation to burn me for being a heretic. *smile*

Does not Paul say here (and other places) that my sin nature WAS crucified? There it is in black and white. Crucified means dead. Done. Finished. Past tense. When Christ was crucified, my sin nature was right there, with Him, being crucified. That is what Paul says, right?

He also says that I am a new creature. I have a "resurrected" body. When I look at Christ's resurrected body, as He walked about in the latter chapters of John, He had a body that superseded the laws of nature. He could walk through walls - stuff like that.

So it is with me, in the spiritual sense. The way I "overcome" is because I have been given a new man who "supersedes" the laws handed to me by sin and its bondage. I live by the Spirit in me. I am not trapped by trying harder or fighting, by will power, to be good. (whew. I can't do it anyway. I am simply, on my own, too selfish. This IS the good news of the gospel!)

Well, if that is the truth, then why in the world do I still face all these nagging issues? Yes, the truth is my sin nature IS dead. But I am, in no way, implying that I have arrived. Quite the contrary - which is what is prompting this blog.

I am tired of being defeated. I am weary of living under a cloud of fear and addiction and neediness and longing. That is the truth of my experience.

But that is not reality. See what I mean? The reality is that I have been crucified with Christ. NONE of that junk has any power over me. No matter how far back it goes, whether through my own choices or choices of the generations before me, it became dead the minute I was transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of HIS light and power.

It is exciting to think about it. God did not perform a half way salvation; He did not just make me not guilty by the blood. He went the next step and gave me everything I need to have complete power and victory over the bondage that controls the world. He put us "in Christ" in His death AND He put us "in Christ" in His life. It's all there.

Wow! No wonder Paul bursts into spontaneous praise in his letters. Talk about amazing love and grace.

So why don't I walk in that?

HA! The billion dollar question, huh?

I think it has to do with a deeper revelation. I can talk about it in head knowledge. I can even get pretty emotional and passionate about it - who me? Passionate and intense and analytical? NEVER! *grin*

But emotional appeal, intellectualism and passion mean nothing - at least when it comes to kingdom dynamics.

The revelation from above is the answer. I guess that is why Paul, through out his epistles, prayed fervently for opening of eyes to understanding and knowledge of the things of God. I can "sit" and try hard to figure it out - trust me, done that too many times to count.

The resting in HIM, and the seeking the mysteries that will only come through HIS revelation, is the answer. I cannot work it up. Pray it up. Shout it up. There is no method. Darn. In HIS season, His timing and through HIS means that are something I can understand (meaning they will not look the same to someone else - pretty cool) He will reveal to me this deeper truth.

Because He loves me so deeply and is thoroughly commited to my maturing as a son, His covenant, to me, is to teach me and grow me up. He is more determined to see me grow than I could ever imagine. Whew. Good.

From there, as I WALK in the truth of my sin nature's death, I will walk in ever increasing dominion. It will be a daily battle but the knowing that it was crucified gives me the upper hand in my arsenal.

All of this, meaning the real truth of the kingdom (as opposed to the morality and rules that I have tried so hard to follow all my life - i.e. religion) really DOES provide such exciting answers to the world around us. Man oh man!

The victory for all the sins and struggles that each of us have (I know I am not the only one - *grin*) - the answer has already been provided. It's not just 'being good and kind". The kingdom power is so much deeper and life changing than that - who can be "good and kind" over a long period of time, anyway without this work of the Spirit?

As we learn, through revelation, to walk in the power of our "death", we will have something really exciting to offer the world.

"Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. I WANT TO SEE the fullness of what you purchased for me."
No shame. No guilt. Nah. Even that was crucified. Just a hunger for a deeper knowing of HIS power and resurrection life.

Come on Baby Light MY Fire...NOT

2007-10-18T18:55:00.000-04:00

"You will lie down in torment." Is 50:11

Did that get your attention?

To whom is Isaiah speaking? Well....er....honestly, he is speaking to me and maybe you?

Sure now you really think I am off my rocker. Humor me for a tad.

In this passage, Isaiah is encouraging the Israelites:

"When you are in the dark, trust in the Lord. Oh sure, you can light your own fires; He will let you do that. But ya know what? If you do that, He will also let you have the consequences - you will lie down in torment."

I love how the amplified talks about this - it talks of girding oneself with momentary sparks that you set aflame. Oh my. How often do I do that?

I face something that is uncomfortable. It feels dark and unwieldy. I convince myself "Oh, just this one little ____________" fill in the blank, to try and create my comfort/answer. My momentary spark couldn't hurt could it?"

Yeah. I think it can. Why? Because no matter how I slice or dice it, I am creating my own light - my own "fire". I am not waiting on HIM to take care of the situation.

You see, I kind of hate waiting on God. Oops the truth is out; I am not a mighty spiritual giant. Truth be known, it seems like God takes so long when my heart is crying out for solace or it feels so dark and lonely and paralyzed with fear.

Sneaking a little answer here or trying out something there frequently is my method of operation - somehow, I think I believe that God is not looking when I attempt something trivial. "Maybe I can catch Him napping so I won't have to face the consequences of my games. Maybe the law of sowing and reaping will not apply just this once." *smile*

Yet I often find myself not walking in kingdom peace. Mmmmm....Wonder why?

I believe this passage answers my question.

They say that insanity is doing the same thing hoping for different results. Looking at some of the patterns in my actions and reactions, I have to smile. "I am insane." For those of you who truly know me, you can hold your agreements to yourself. *smile*

I have created my OWN fires. My OWN solutions rather than waiting, through the crucial agony in the unknown, for HIS answer that will, in the long run, lead to peace. And what is so silly is that, honestly, my own solutions have been employed for decades. See? Insanity. Because I still have pockets of torment. In some areas, it is not changing.

(Just to be in balance, there are MORE areas where I am changing and growing than not. So I am not berating myself. I am merely being transparent with a few of the more nagging areas of my soul where I need to find a different approach.)

He gives me complete freedom to do my own thing. But in my freedom of choice, I will end up with some kind of anguish or torment. Oh, it may be subtle or I can pretend it's not there as I sing in my pew on a Sunday morning. However, when I take the time to be still, there is a throbbing anguish; it is an indicator that something is askew. There is some where I am still controlling or making my own fix rather than quietly trusting in HIM. There is somewhere I am grasping my own security blanket rather than releasing it to HIM and trusting in HIM.

*sigh* I am making my own fire - complete with its spiritual results.

Ok. I am listening. Again.

A few more white knuckles are being peeled from my self made answers.

I prefer peace to torment any day. I am weary of insanity.

Loved beyond measure

2007-10-10T18:20:00.000-04:00

I belong to Him.

Wow. Do I really comprehend that? I think it will change my life when I do!

Any of us who are parents understand the indomitable love we have for our kids. I mean, I would die for my kids. You would too. All the sacrifices that we make for them just because of love. We will do anything to protect and provide!

It's such an indescribable force - parental love.

Yet Jesus says, in John 7, that our love for our children pales in comparison to HIS devotion to us, HIS children.

"You mean to tell me, God, that this passion I have for my boys is a drop in the bucket in comparing it to YOUR love for me?"

Mind boggling!

God. The Almighty One. The One more powerful than any President, Prime Minister, CEO etc. I am in HIM and He is in ME. He is committed to every aspect of my life even to the point that He counts the numbers of hairs on my head - and, trust me, that number, for me changes daily.

But that reveals how intimately involved and concerned and dedicated He is to my life. He WANTS to take care of me. Period. He is not out to hurt me or hold out on me. That is a lie from religion. He is only love and kindness.

God cannot NOT provide. For one of His names is Provider.

God cannot NOT heal. For one of His names is Healer.

God cannot NOT protect me. For one of His names is Banner/Shield.

And God cannot NOT love. For GOD IS LOVE.

Maybe the main reason I, am not regularly seeing this miraculous provision and protection is that, simply, I do not have an abandoned trust on this very fact - that my daddy is all about providing for me- His son. Instead of just sitting still and trusting HIM to come through during the dark and scary times of unknowns, misunderstandings, pain and discomfort, I tend to run to my own methods and solutions.

I pick up the phone.

I try to figure a way out.

I manipulate an answer.

I cling to anything or anyone I can actually see or touch: SOMETHING that provides so called security rather than wading through a painful unknown.

Or I get busy with religious activity trying to get Gods approval or attention. Silly. He already approves. His delight in me and determination to be kind is not predicated on anything I can "do" for God.

It's a done deal by Him.

So why the silly fears and doubts in my life? Obviously, I do not have a penetrating revelation that I belong to HIM. Oh sure, I have bunches of head knowledge and could preach award winning sermon series. I could outline Greek and Hebrew terms and quote verses in Russian (ok, not really. But you get my point. *smile*)

Yet I still fear. I still find myself worried about finances or fearing rejection or abandonment. How I "fit in" and my "purpose" in this life (esp as the age of 50 looms so close) are nagging concerns of mine.

Like everything in this Christian life, a more steady foundation of this truth will not develop through more Bible study or church attendance or song singing. Darn. If I could only come up with a 12 step plan to understanding the love of God.

It's merely the simple admission that I don't know it all. I need a revelation that is not crafted by human hands or mind - especially mine. And it's established in the simple, childlike pursuit of Him. His presence. That may not mean hours and hours of sitting still - or it might. Then again, maybe just the simple, daily pursuit, even in the midst of my other activities, of a deeper revelation of His incredible ability to care for ME.

With each temptation to fear or worry, instead of manipulating or figuring my way out, I, instead, throw my feeble hands up in the air and just admit "God, I cannot go there. I need to see YOU in this. YOUR stability. YOUR assurance. YOUR peace. Now PLEASE keep me from trying to micro manage my way out of it."

*smile* MAYBE if I would sit still long enough, the revelation would solidify. But no - I need to make sure the discomfort of life is not so painful. So I stick my nose in where He probably had a wonderful plan in mind - but my soulish whims stifled His move.

I long to see the miraculous.

HA! I think I am the hold up! I just gotta keep letting go of my propensity to distrust or works of my man made religious zeal and move further into "blind trust" that I belong.

I belong to God!!! WOW!

That revelatory truth WILL make all the difference in my world.

Change - the Necessary Evil.

2007-10-03T08:16:00.000-04:00

Change.

The unknown.

We hate them both, don't we? They remove our control - like we had any anyway. But at least, when our lives are relatively consistent, we can feign that silly notion that we are in control of our lives and relationships.

Maturity, in the kingdom sense, however, demands change. Period. Ugh. HATE that one. Oh, yeah, did I mention that I am a control freak? So, yes, I despise change. *smile* I abhor unknowns.

Yet I long to see the deep transformation of the Image of Christ. That is not going to happen under my human direction. Whether I like it or not (and I don't), my Father knows better than I do.

Oh sure, we spew religious rhetoric during our song singing or testimony time - "YES Lord. I trust you" we shout. "Open the flood gates. Usher in Your glory." HA! Do we REALLY mean it? Do we realize what we are saying?

You see, each time you ask for the Lord to change you, He will. When you pray for MORE of His glory, He will answer your prayer. How? By forcing you into unknowns or change or death to self. He cannot take you higher the way you are.

It's a kingdom principle.

And this is why it is critical that our paradigm of faith be based on relationship, with Him, and not function of rules and traditions. Make sense?

Rules and traditions and shoulds and oughts such as "I need to read my Bible today," or "I have to get to church this Sunday," will not sustain us during storms and transitions.

A deepening relationship of sonship, with our Father, will, however, keep us going. I am not implying it is easy. In fact, in all honesty, the rules and traditions of man feel more secure - they maintain my control. As I use my intellect to figure and reason my way through a situation, I feel in charge. "WHEW, figured my way out of THAT mess."

Yeah, maybe I made it superficially through a situation but nothing, within, is ever changed through that method. Why? Because flesh begets flesh. When ME and MY figuring determine the outcome or fix it, I am walking in the flesh. My flesh does nothing to affect my spiritual condition.

Sure, outwardly, it may appear better. I can maintain the facade. And at least FEEL better - I mean who enjoys the pain and frustration of the unknown? Let me have it so I can fix it and then I can "know".

That is religion.

In fact, that is how most of us have been taught; let's be honest, until the Father really gets a hold of us, that is how we live, right? Ok, I will merely speak for me. *grin*

The kingdom does not work that way.

The kingdom is about unknown in situations but a deep, unchanging knowing in our position as sons of God. With such a security, we can look at the storms and unfamiliars of life and shrug. "Yeah. This is hard. I hate not knowing. But I am my Daddy's child. He will work it out. With stomach and knots and maybe some restless nights, I will choose to trust Him and lay off my propensity to fix and manipulate."

When our compass of life is truly internal, meaning our spirit man, rather than the external soul of mind and will is calling the shots and, thus, trusting the Father, we can hide in teh peace of the kingdom. And it will be real peace because it will be based on the spiritual conditions the dictate its formation - a relationship with the Father instead of trying to control through the rules of man.

No one said it would be easy.

But it's the only way.

No Pain; No Gain

2007-09-27T08:06:00.000-04:00

Working through painful situations in relationships.

It's a balancing act, is it not?

I see myself teetering between two extremes.

If I maintain my tight grip on self pity and anger, the enemy strengthens his position.

I merely add another prize to my already established trophy case called "All the Woundings in my Life." Visiting often, I thrive on reminding others of its existence. I need an excuse for all the screw ups in my life right? "It's because I was wounded as a child, teen, young adult, older adult, YESTERDAY." There will ALWAYS be something if that is how I choose to handle the hurts in life - hold on to them.

Talk about bondage.

Talk about never maturing in the Lord. Geesh.

Yet, if I jump too quickly on the denial train of "Oh, its no big deal. Praise the LAWD," I miss an opportunity where a supernatural healing and deliverance can take place in some of the more hidden and oozing areas of my soul.

I know that something so very deep and vulnerable is exposed right now. We all have those spots in our soul - that closet where our wounded child is frightened and alone. During painful situations, in life, that secret room is exposed.

In the hands of the Father, no big deal. Nothing is too ugly, too deep or too painful for His amazing touch. Honestly, that is how we find freedom - the real kind of life changing freedom, not the shallow, jump over the pews hype. Instead of pretending, we consent to the Father's soothing touch.

As life happens - sometimes in messy and painful episodes because we are constantly dealing with people as broken as we are - the deeper fears are exposed. They feel so unwieldy and vulnerable and the knee jerk reaction is to run, cover, spew out venomous defense, fill ourselves with pity and "poor meisms" or medicate, even with religion.

God has a higher plan. It's called deliverance and inner healing.

The "problem" is there is no text book, step by step, process through which to walk. It's an unknown, ya know?

"God, this really hurts. I am petrified of another rejection or abandonment. But I am also weary of my walls of denial and religiosity and my trophy case of hurts. I am going to sit here, in my pain, and let you touch that place. I have faith, in this unknown, that You are doing a supernatural work, unseen and maybe even unfelt to my natural eye.

From there, a part of the healing is to remain connected to the safe people in our life. NOT in blubbering and pity parties but in genuine relationship. Ugh. Often the LAST thing we want to do when we are hurting and scared.

I am now seeing why authentic relationships, in the body, are rare.

Most of us have been hurt; most of us have a profound fear of abandonment and rejection. Why risk again? It's easier to play the "Sunday morning chit chat over styrofoam cups" game than it is to gamble with our pearls through intimate relationships.

As a friend reminded me, this week, relationships ARE messy. They will hurt. People will let me down. Just as I will hurt them and will disappoint them.

But we will never ever ever, I believe, come to fullness and maturity in our personal lives if we are not engaged in a few intimate and vulnerable and sometimes painful relationships, staying connected when everything in you wants to bolt.

It is impertative, for our growth, to step away from our comfort zone: self protective walls of anger, self pity and spirituality and, instead, remain naked and vulnerable, not only with God, but with the safe people to whom He has called us.

HA! Ok, yes, it feels like jumping off a cliff without a parachute. Shoot me now. *grin*

But alas, I believe the body of Christ is entering a season where the games are over.

Down with Denial!

Off with spiritual pretense and skin-deep quoting of scripture!

Let's move away from addictions and control as well as walls of self preservation and protection.

It's time to first off deeply heal in the nands of the Father, (often through counseling) once and for all, and then become intimately connected to others. It's time to walk in openness and vulnerability and, thus, healing connections.

I do not believe we can grow any further without it.

Darn!!

I need to eat my own words today. *grin*

The crumbling leads to THE ROCK

2007-09-22T08:48:00.001-04:00

Though the earth gives way.....HE remains the Rock

Have you ever felt like your entire world is crashing around you?

Sure you have.

That suddenly, people in whom you had great faith, walk out? Or they let you down because hidden sins are revealed? Sins that they refuse to admit or do anything about?

I am there, right now.

Literally, in a span of 5 minutes, two situations occured where my "faith" in humanity and the leaning I had into certain men crumbled before my eyes. To top it off, later in the evening, another situation arose that sought to rock another part of my world.

We all go through these, don't we?

Where you are left standing, feeling completely abandoned and alone as well as naked and exposed. Tears flow. Our hearts break deeply. Fear seeks to engulf every cell of our body - "Where do I fit? Who is there for me? What will happen next?"

The natural tendency is to fight back, cling, beg, manipulate or put up thick walls of unforgiveness, indifference, and anger - the whole while, the reality is that there is such a deep hurt and ache that NEEDS to be addressed before the throne of heaven.

And thus I choose.

I will not walk in denial and religiosity and pretend that it does not hurt; it does. It hurts deeply. I am walking through a "death" of a relationship that held me up, via counsel and leadership, for so many years. I am facing the disillusionment that another leader seems to be justifying deep sin. And I am hit head on with a touch at the deep place called "fear of abandonment" that, often, holds me in bondage.

But GOD is still the Rock. I may not FEEL it, right now. I FEEL like my life hit a pocket of quick sand and I am sinking rapidly.

THAT is not truth. TRUTH is HIS ability to reach into the deepest, and darkest places of my oozing pain and fear and touch them supernaturally.

AND the truth is that HIS love for me remains the same.

He will NEVER leave me.

He will not suddenly turn on me or shift His opinion of me.

He will not betray me or lead me to believe things that are not true.

It is one thing to say this kind of stuff intellectually or behind a wall of spirituality.

It is another thing to let the pain hurt. Let it fill with puss and stench. AND SIT IN HIS presence as that occurs. Nothing is too ugly or painful for Him.

So I sit.

It's not a mistake, I now see, that I was in Psalm 46 all week. "EVEN if the mountains crumble and the earth be thrown into the sea, HE is in the midst of her. HE is THE ever present help in even the worst struggle." THEREFORE, I CAN BE STILL even when my guts are grieving and petrified.

A nobody to them; A Light to Him

2007-09-19T18:58:00.000-04:00

Humor me, for a moment, as I digress a tad more into the concept of "being" the light of the world.

Once, long ago, I was important. *grin*

I held an impressive title in the world of higher education.

I led a Bible study for college women.

I had some opportunities to preach in our local church as well as share words of knowledge at various seasons.

I was on the worship team.

Ten years ago, all the brooks dried up. I left the career world (and a great retirement package - *grin*) for motherhood. Additionally, because of some serious personal sins/character flaws as well as the "sins" and misunderstandings of others, the world of ministry became null and void, for me; the "church world" closed its doors, and thus, its opportunities to me.

I was hung out to dry.

Seemingly over night, it became, simply, me and God.

I will spare you the details of the painful years of character development that ensued.

Fast forward 10 years to the present.

Currently, I have no title. In fact, I am a "grunt" - I am a substitute teacher in the public schools. I am not in any "full time" ministry that constitute my "far away dreams of some day preaching the gospel and sharing words that set the captives free."

I am not in an organized church.

In other words, in worldly, as well as churchy standards, I am a nobody.

But ya know what?

Despite no title from man, in God's eyes, I am the light of the world. No matter where I am, on a given day, I am A light in the midst of darkness and fear that is slowly engulfing our friends and neighbors.

Each day, I enter the public schools with the keen sense that "something" is occurring. That the light, in me, is changing the atmosphere. As I pray, in my personal time, for various kids, administrators and teachers, whom the Lord lays on my heart, I am confident that shifts are occurring in my "little sphere".

I also know that for many of these obviously broken people, I may be the only intercessor they will ever have over their precious lives.

Yes, I do have days where I actually taste and see the impact as God opens direct doors of ministry - driving out suicide demons; words of knowledge to kids dabbling in the occult; directly loving on kids who simply need a smile or warmth and acceptance etc. However, for the most part, I walk in faith that things are occurring in the spirit realm as I go about my day.

Sure, I still have dreams and visions for a "ministry". But what IS ministry?

We, the church, have limited it to Sunday morning prophetic words or the laying on of hands. All the while, Jesus said "you are the light of the WORLD" - not the church program on a Sunday morning.

Now I am not belittling ministry in the church setting. Please do not hear that.

I am merely seeking to encourage those of us who are easily disillusioned because our dream "ministries" have not taken off. Or we accept that, because we are not the pastor or the worship leader, we have nothing to do but serve cookies or collect the offering.

I am here to tell you that such a perspective is rubbish.

I desire to bring a change to your thinking, ok?

Where are you "planted?"

Are you a "mere housewife"? What about your children's friends. Or their parents? Teachers? The grocery store employees?

Do you work in the secular field? You work with people, right? You rub shoulders with clients or office mates. Yes?

You are the light to them even if you never say anything or hand out a tract.

Which introduces the "problem" we have with merely being the light. We are so governed by the need to "do". When you rest in the fact that you are the light, there is nothing quantitative to measure. You have no "report" during testimony time of the numbers you taught or the words you spoke.

Instead of "doing" all the "stuff" you have been taught is "evangelism" or "ministry", you choose to hold fast to the unshakable truth that you are working through a hidden realm of BELIEVING that the word is true. You are "being" who GOD said you are, rather than doing. Yes, IF GOD opens a door to speak, by all means, SHARE with the friends of your kids; lay hands on that lady in Walmart; speak the word of knowledge to the bank teller.

My point, though, is you don't have to force that kind of stuff any more. God does not need testimony time to prove your worth. you do not have to "do" anything for God.

You can just BE the light in the sphere to which GOD has sent you and PRAY for fruit from your walking in the light as HE is in the light.

Ten years ago, when I was full of zeal and ambition over my "calling", I never ever anticipated that it would look like this. NEVER. I was ready for the microphone and the pulpit, traveling the world and writing books. At least I thought I was ready. Yeah right. *smile*

What is really interesting is the contentment in which I walk. I am at peace with where I am planted.

Oh wait. I think I read that some where - the kingdom of God is righteousness (living under the righteous rule of the KING), peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. So I guess I am in the kingdom of God, huh?

No, I don't have the titles or positions any more. I would never be able to "raise support" for "my ministry".

But I am the light in the darkness of one little public school in the heartland of America where nobody really knows me.

And, frankly, I don't care. Because, I know that GOD knows me and delights in me. And I believe that demons know me and shudder.

And that is enough for me. I think I will bloom where I am planted.

I am starting to like this "ministry".

ME? The Light of the World?

2007-09-16T11:59:00.000-04:00

"YOU are the light of the world." Matt 5:14

That means you. That means me. WE- those carrying the Spirit of God- are the light of the world.

Oh. That sounds proud, though, doesn't it?

Taking on the deceptiveness of false humility, we latch on to this thinking: "Gosh. Gee. I am a sinful peon slithering through life, trying to make the best of it."

Garbage.

JESUS said it. "YOU are the light of the world."

I am not making this up. *grin*

But Jesus knew, even more fully than we fathom, that it was nothing YOU or I could accomplish with our good works or church attendance or evangelism crusades. We are the light of the world because of HIS glory planted in us.

So, yes, we CAN truthfully claim "Gosh. Nothing good dwells in me. I am a sin sick pup." HOWEVER, only false humility and lies stop there. The true gospel of light goes ON to say "BUT GOD transformed me FROM my prison of darkness and sin into HIS marvelous light. HE has made ME the light of the world."

My good works and feeble religious attempts do nothing in this transformation. In fact, religion will keep one in bondage to the lie that one is never good enough. Everything is shrouded in guilt, shame and failure. As a result, one spins his wheels in a bewildered zeal trying to prove something: trying to prove something he never could prove anyway - his own goodness.

That is how Satan prevents the Bride from walking in her brightness - she is scurrying on the gerbil wheel of trying super hard to be remotely acceptable to God: the great deception.

God completed it all. It was part of His original plan. And when the body finally realizes this? Oh my.

You see, God's kingdom principles consist of bringing light to darkness. Remember the first thing He did in Genesis? He saw the world was without form and void and He said "LET THERE BE LIGHT."

The LIGHT brought form to the senseless void of darkness.

Are you following me?

Guess who is the present light to bring form to the senseless and ever growing darkness around us?

See it?

The body of Christ is not merely a group of people, trudging into a building every Sunday to sing a bunch of songs and lay hands on a few people, only to go home until next Sunday.

Its impact, in God's design, is way beyond the four walls of the Sunday morning gatherings. God created the body of Christ to bring freedom to the lost and dying world by being THE light in the darkness; THE city set on a hill.

In the midst of the darkness left by man's systems of government, education, entertainment and even religion, GOD said "LET there be light. LET MY BODY SHINE."

WE are the answer.

And the cool thing is we don't have to "do" anything. We just "be" the sons of God. We just "are" the lights of the world, even when we don't realize it. We walk into Walmart or the Mall and suddenly THERE IS LIGHT. HA!

Pretty exciting when you think about it.

Yet humbling. HOW to be effective carriers of such a precious light?

No time to talk about that - then again, I think we already know anyway.

Go forth, dear one. SHINE where you are planted. You are NOT hidden or forgotten. YOU are the light to whomever GOD has sent you even if you feel like such a failure.

COOL!

The Lazy Mind of the Soul

2007-09-06T08:13:00.001-04:00

"The mind controlled by the flesh (and soul) is death but the mind controlled by the Spirit/spirit is life." Romans 8:6

I believe if Christians took this verse more seriously, there would be less strife, depression, jealousy - you name it - in the body of Christ. And, in turn, we would see the kingdom advancing more rapidly than we could imagine.

How often do we simply accept thought processes or conversations (that are driven by thought processes) as "normal"? All the while, if we are honest, they are not driven by the Spirit of God but are a reflection of a mind gone lazy or carnal?

A stray gossipy or complaining comment here.

A whining or self pitying line of thought there.

A gulf full of worry and fearful reflections.

Tons of proud deliberations strewn throughout the day.

Then we wonder why we are not walking in kingdom power and authority. Or we question why we don't have deep inner peace.

"I am 'doing' all that I am supposed to be doing, in the way of ministry or quiet time with the Father or service to others" we think. Yet something is missing. (Will we be honest enough to admit it? Oh, the million dollar question. *grin*)

I believe that for many of us, our minds are out of control in the soul. And there you have the elements of a spiritual law as cemented in truth as the law of gravity. It cannot be any other way. IF our minds are under the control of our flesh and soul, THEN (not maybe. not possibly but definitely) we are creating a recipe for disaster/death.

We can sing loudly in worship.

We can pray fervently.

We can read the Bible daily for 4 hours.

In fact, we can often be led, by the Spirit, into all kinds of ministerial activities like preaching or prophecy or the miraculous in Walmart.

Still, I contend, that they are limited in their scope of influence if we have not won the battle over our minds.

If we cannot master authority over our minds, how in the world can God trust us to have authority over nations?

We long for kingdom power to heal the sick and raise the dead in the nations around the world. Yet we are feeble in applying that power to the 8 or so square inches between our ears! (and please realize that anything you ever hear out of me has the finger pointing square in the mirror. *smile*)

ANY thought that is not led by the Spirit of God is death.

Yet we permit them all the time, don't we? I know that I do. Then I wonder, as the day progresses, why I am rattled or angry. Duh. I gave the green light to all that junk, one thought at a time.

Jealousy.

Competition.

Fear.

Self pity.

Criticism.

Judgement.

Accusation.

Worry.

How often do we let these thoughts go, in our minds, lazily accepting them as normal?

They may be normal for the natural man but there is nothing normal about them for a son of God.

In so many ways, it is simple. On the other hand, it is difficult, isn't it?

Yet we have all the weapons we need to demolish the stupid thinking. God would never leave us on our own against the tsunami of soulish thinking patterns. The question will be whether we will actually apply it.

In fact, I believe that the first step is admitting that our thoughts indeed have been carnal in spite of all the spiritually pious things we do to keep others from knowing how utterly rancid is our thinking.

From there commences the life long struggle of taking every thought captive and, thus, regaining all that ground where the enemy has partied all these years.

One thought at a time. That is how he (the enemy) started; that is how we will take it all back.

Through the power that God gives us: certainly not our own will power and strength.

It can be done.

It has to be done if we want to be one of the "violent who take the kingdom by force." Let's get it straight in our minds, first. From there, we can take over the nations!

Adoption or Fear?

2007-08-29T06:10:00.000-04:00

"We did not receive a spirit that keeps us in bondage to fear but we have received the Spirit of sonship." Romans 8:15

Interesting that Paul contrasts fear and sonship in the same sentence. It is like he is saying "Look, you can either keep living in that doggone fear that controls the creation OR you can nuzzle up to the fact that you are adopted as a Son of God. You walk in one or the other."

In other words, we are either in bondage to fear OR we have a deep revelation of our adoption as His sons.

Until the bride of Christ fully realizes her status as an adopted Son of God, she is in fear. Yes, she masks it well; I mask it well. But if I am honest, with each decision or each step in my day, I am either being led by fear, (fear of rejection, failure, looking stupid. being misunderstood, my dreams not being fulfilled, not having enough money, being forgotten/left out, etc....) and thus I strive to control or fix or protect or I trust that My Daddy, Father, the Lord of Hosts, will take care of me.

Look at it another way.

Is it not true that most of us were raised under the heavy hand of religion - and that goes for those who were not even raised in the Church? Why? Because the church, through the ages, has propagated a lie that following rules is what made one a good Christian. So even those, outside the church, saw religion as a heavy burden of impossible rules and judgement.

And those of us raised in the church? Man. There were lots of rules, were there not? It's all we knew. It's all others knew.

But there is a better way. The true way. Thankfully! *smile*

All our "religious lives" we have tried so hard have we not? "Oh God, I am sooooooo sorry that I lied again or gossiped again or ate too much again or fell into that perversion again or...or...or." name the struggle that brings copious amounts of shame and disappointment with yourself and your walk with God.

I see it all the time: Christians feeling so ashamed because they cannot get it right; they fell again. *sigh* "Will I EVER get this right?" Additionally, there are enough, in the church, to ensure that we feel ashamed because we simply are not "as good and wonderfully packaged" as they are. Ugh.

But is that how God meant it to be?

Absolutely not.

You are His Son. He did all the work. You cannot "do" anything for Christ especially "do" anything good. Your life is an exchanged life - all the "stuff" you try to do is exchanged for the death and resurrection that HE performed to change you from way deep within. It's an "Inside Out" exchange.

All the while, we have been duped to think that it starts on the outside when I lay down my cigarettes or gambling or pornography addiction. Each time I get better at controlling my besetting sin, I am pleasing God more.

Yeah right. Like there is ANYTHING we can do to please God. There is not. He already did it all. Our only requirement is to abide in HIM as a perfectly adopted Son of God.

So from there, I see it like this -

Instead of needing to control my life to make sure I am not hurt, rejected, betrayed or forgotten, I can sink into HIS love for me - HIS love that always has a perfect plan over my life in spite of any attempt of man or demons to forget, shame, ridicule or reject.

I can trust in HIS love rather than my own attempts to orchestrate my life.

Rather than spinning the wheels of my mind, trying to figure out from where the provision will arrive or "what if" this or that is going to happen, I can relax into HIS love for me.

See the difference? I am not "trying hard" not to worry; I am letting go and trusting that HE will take care of me, His covenant daughter. Shoot, He made the covenant to adopt me as His son - don't you think that He will come through to make sure I am taken care of?

No longer do I have to run to my addictions to fill that ache and loneliness - I can run to HIM to fill that spot. I do not have to extend tireless effort to fight with my addiction and make sure I please God by overcoming; I can seek the revelation of His love and approval of me which will, in turn, fill that deep deep spot.

I know it sounds easy. And I guess there are some that would claim ease in this.

It's not, in my opinion, necessarily EASY to over come the addictions or our soulish need to provide, protect and promote. That is not my point.

My point is that there is a better way as opposed to all our stinkin' trying so hard to please God or look righteous. We can do neither. So let's give it a rest.

That is the yoke that is easy, fellow travelers - it's the yoke that keeps us abiding in the truth that we are adopted, accepted and loved. AND that our lives/destinies are bigger and safer than anything we could have created any way.

So today, let's take one more step away from that stupid fear and one more step into the revelation of our adoption as His Son.

A Blameless Life

2007-08-21T08:22:00.000-04:00

"I have led a blameless life.
I have trusted God without wavering." Psalms 26:2

Blameless.

In Christianity, the word conjures up a neatly packaged, clean living, hallelujah shouting, Sunday School Teaching person, doesn't it?

Honestly, in the church realm, have we not exalted the "perfect" person as the hallmark of a "mature" believer? You know the kind of which I speak - the one who does not lie, cheat, steal, drink, smoke, have sex, yada yada yada, ad nauseum. In the church, that kind of person seems to be hailed as the model citizen; the "rules" that have delineated his life are preached and pounded from many pulpits - "Don't do this...." "Yes, do that..."

All the while, the pew sitters, frantically take notes. From there, they scurry to the alter for prayer AGAIN: week after week after week, they slink out of church feeling shamed or guilty. Why? They did not meet the criteria of what a good Christian "should be."

"Oh my. I will try harder not to lie or lose my temper or fall into that sin" - whatever "sin of the week" is being dissected from the pulpit.

How many Christians, if we were to take a poll, live in constant fear and shame. In their tormented minds, they are either letting God down OR they are trying so pickin' hard NOT to let God down?

Wow.

How far religion has taken us from the truth of the kingdom.

In reading through the Psalms, I am struck by passages like the one I listed above. David claims to have led a blameless life. According to the way I had been taught, David was far from blameless - he committed adultery and murder.

How, in the world, can someone so "vile" claim perfection? In most churches, he would have been ex communicated let alone be permitted to retain his kingship. So why in the world did God extol David as a man after His heart and "worthy" enough to be in HIS blood line?

Because David understood what God requires. It is not the fine looking externals of "good little Christian behavior" but a heart matter.

God's definition of maturity is simply this - "Trust Me with your whole heart."

Additionally, WHEN (not if, but WHEN) you fail, come back to Me. Learn from it. Grow from it. Failure, in the kingdom, is not failure at all IF we learn and grow from it.

David "got it."

It's not how you live on the surface - eating and drinking and junk like that. It is stretching in your childlike trust of Him. As we grow in this area, the "sins" will begin to lose their power. One's soul is transformed so that the "lure" of what we thought we needed to bring joy and peace and self protection lessens.

In other words, even though the externals do not measure maturity, as I evolve in my trust in Him, they will fall into place. Not because I am laboring to be a "good Christian and please God" but because I do not need the vices any more. The ache or need in my soul that the vices met are being satisfied by my trust in Him and His amazing love for me.

Maturity is not graded by whether I lied or cheated or smoked on a certain day. THANK GOD. It is a heart matter, deep within. Am I growing in trusting HIM rather than my self made mirage called peace and happiness? Am I learning to rely on the promise that He will provide and protect which means I can stop scheming and then denying that I do that?

And the funny thing, according to the kingdom, is I can walk perfectly in all those externals merely because I am a very disciplined person. All the while, I am missing His mark. Man may be impressed and give me a title; in the reality of the kingdom, that is a farce. Silly me; silly people who are mesmerized by my outward spirituality - I am relying more on my own ability for self righteousness rather than a helpless admission that "apart from HIM, I can do NOTHING."

The kingdom is about a childlike trust in kingdom principles and the undeserved love/mercy/grace of the Father.

That is all.

And that is how He sees us as being blameless.

That takes so much weight off my shoulders.

Thanks, Father.

Never Shaken

2007-08-14T07:17:00.000-04:00

"Through HIS unfailing love, I will not be shaken." Psalms 21:7

"HIS perfect love casts out ALL fear." I John 3:18

Maturity, in the kingdom, is displayed by our ability to walk in supernatural peace and contentment. (It's also displayed by our servant heart of love but that is for another day. *smile*)

A mature son is not rattled by life's events.

Sounds good.

Sounds so good that many attempt to manufacture that peace with syrupy smiles and spiritual cliches.

All the while, there are pockets of fear and anxiety in our souls. Our attempt to deny, even to ourselves, is often pervasive. Never-the-less, our controlling nature or our self defense at a misunderstanding or criticism are megaphones indicating that "all is not well with our soul."

This is where "the process of sanctification" enters.

You see, God appreciates how utterly powerful and protective HIS amazing love is for us. In fact, He is so confident that HIS love is the only sure foundation, that He orchestrates life so that our fingers will be pried from things that we are convinced will save us or usher in peace.

Knowing that only HIS kingdom rule, in our soul, leads to righteousness, peace and joy, (Romans 14:17), God does not let us continue in our silly charade.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills removed, yet My unfailing love will not be shaken." Isaiah 54:10

That's it!!!!!!!!!!!

HIS unfailing love.

DEEP DEEP within me, where untruths of how much this person or that title or this salary, will finally answer that ache, He seeks to secure me in HIS unfailing love. Everything else will fail me, eventually, or be shaken. But not His love.

It is unfailing.

It cannot be shaken.

Whew!

If we only "got it". On my.

The inheritance stored up for us, the sons of God, is beyond description. The peace and comfort that He extends to His kids cannot be compared to anything we concoct as being "the answer".

But we still try, on our own, to create our lives, our destinies, our relationships - our answers. And we wonder why we still have those knots in our stomachs, at times, or the addictions that hold us in bondage.

Sure, we go to church. We serve on committees and even have lofty titles.

But at our inmost longings and fears, we are still easily shaken, aren't we? What better evidence is there that we are not founded solidly on His love?

The titles prove nothing. They are man made.

The peace, or lack thereof, says it all - there resides fear in our souls; we are not rooted solidly on His unfailing love. He is not mad that we are stuck; He is simply sad because of what He knows.

Thus, in His grace and mercy, He draws us into Himself. He painstakingly disciplines us to release our idols and, instead, grasp profoundly His love, His protection, His provision.

This is why we do not need to despise His discipline (Hebrews 12:5). He is not a sadist, enjoying making our lives miserable. Far from that.

He is aware of what He has for us. He knows that His peace, as compared to the superficial junk that we chase, is eternal. Yearning desperately for us to experience His promises, He discplines us to mature into trusting His kingdom rule.

We can choose to reject the process. He will permit us to continue in our dead works.

But we are the ones who, eventually, lose out. Sure, we may die holding the most toys and titles; however, they pale in comparison to the peace and joy He is holding out for the sons willing to push through to maturity.

Although it's painful, at times, I'm gonna keep pressing on this narrow journey.

I'm beginning to catch glimpses of the manifest promises and, frankly, it's pretty cool.

Hope y'all come along. *smile*

Comforting Discomfort

2007-08-06T09:33:00.000-04:00

Discomfort.

We hate it. In fact, our human tendency is to avoid it at all costs.

We will control.
We will manipulate.
We will fix.
We will run.

ANYTHING to avoid feeling uncomfortable or vulnerable.

The truth, though, is we will never mature as sons of God, without it. Yup. There is no getting around that. Oh, I know - not what anyone wants to hear.

"I thought Jesus promised a life of ease and comfort," we argue.

He did. But His principles apply to the inner man, not our circumstances. (NOT to say GOD does not promise victory but that is another topic in kingdom principles.)

The Prince of Peace, the Father of all Comfort, is determined to create a confident peace in us in spite of what we are enduring. Remember - he told the disciples that the kingdom of God is WITHIN you (Luke 17:21). Paul also told Timothy to "endure hardship" (II Tim 2:3).

We cringe at this hard stuff, don't we? I do. In fact, often when the prophets of old declared anything but success and prosperity, they were stoned or thrown in prison. (Ok, so who's getting out the first stone? *smile*)

What we have to remember, in the real kingdom principles that govern our lives, is that God is all about our learning how to be ruled, internally, by His Lordship. And the only way that will happen is for the "ME" of our lives to bow, take a back seat, surrender - however you want to phrase it.

Well, do you think "ME Idolatry" will acquiesce calmly? HA! No way. It has been in control since we were born. It cried; it was fed. Even now, we, as adults, inwardly, demand the same - I want; I get. I whine; you answer me.

And if I am not getting what I want, I will do what I can to control and fix the situation to ensure my needs and wants are met. Oh come on - that is how we are isn't it? *grin*

With such a strong affinity to ME ME ME, how in the world do you think GOD gains kingdom control? You think it happens because you passionately pray at the alter on a Sunday? Then, poof, suddenly ME scurries away and relinquishes control? Oh if it could only be that easy.

God knows our frame. God knows how determined Self is to remain boss, no matter how spiritual our mouths sound or how intensely we pray. He knows that our bent is toward self preservation at any cost.

However, He loves us too much to permit us to stay there - superficially sounding off religious cliches that appear holy and pious, all the while, deep within, self preservation is the mantra directing our lives.

So He orchestrates life to force us into a choice. He permits situations to become uncomfortable: misunderstanding, lack, false accusation, embarrassment, failure, financial crisis, conflict, temptation, the unknown, etc. When the situations arise, we can insist on our old patterns of denial, blame, gossip, self pity, bitterness, giving in to the sin, unforgiveness, rage, any addiction to medicate the pain of the discomfort (eating, computer use, TV, shopping, relationships and even being busy in ministry) and, thus avoid the deeper work of the Holy Spirit.

Or we can "sit" in the discomfort and wait; wait for GOD to speak. Wait for GOD to work in the situation or at least to work in us. And that is the rub - it is HARD. It is excruciatingly uncomfortable. But it's the only way for soul to lose control and the Spirit to gain superiority over our lives.

And it seems to take forever!!!!!!!

We all pray for "His kingdom to come" but it will not come unless we submit. And we cannot submit by remaining the way we are. It's impossible for natural man to submit to God. A transformation has to occur. And that transformation requires a penetrating move of God, not a quick fix prayer after an emotional experience in church.

God will not penetrate what we insist on protecting. And one way we protect is by running from discomfort.

But discomfort is what propels us into a deeper trust.

Yeah, I know. I sound like a masochist. HA!

Believe me - I was the master of disguise and avoidance and situation control. I hate pain. I despise discomfort. As the saying goes "you can either jump in the fire or He will throw you in." Well, I was one of those thrown in, kicking and screaming and attempting everything I knew to get OUT.

I am only slowly realizing that the discomfort is the only way if I want genuine growth. Oh I knew how to mimic growth; I was good at the talk. I lived at the alter, begging GOD to deliver me from the painful situations.

However, it was the extreme uneasiness of life that ushered in the greatest change - eventually.

That is the kingdom way. And if we want the kingdom promises of peace and contentment in spite of situations, we need to submit the kingdom process of finding it: discomfort.

An Inward Glance - or Stare?

2007-07-31T07:55:00.001-04:00

It's never about our circumstances.

It's about the inner work that our loving Father wants to accomplish in us.

Oh, at times, I really hate to face that kind of truth. You too? I would rather whine and complain and corral people to feel sorry for me.

Life can be utterly difficult and painful. Everyone has a story. In fact, many right now are in the midst of a story. I do not want to display callousness to agonizing events. However, I do want to focus on the bigger picture even though the natural tendancy is to be consumed with the worries and fears associated with events.

Let me digress for a moment, just in case I am coming across pompous or indifferent. Like anyone, I have had my share of heart ripping pain - more than one betrayal, false accusation beyond belief, a ruined reputation - and I live in a small town. *grin* Through it all, my wise mentor, John Ward, insisted "Karen this is not about them. This is about what GOD is doing in you." Ugh. HE MADE ME SO MAD! I knew not to call John when I wanted to whine and complain about how much "those people" were doing.

I wanted him to pity me.

I wanted him to pray down fire from heaven on them (ok, so you are seeing my raw emotions).

In other words, I wanted to be pampered.

But GOD wanted me to grow up. And John knew that. (THANK GOD for wise spiritual moms and dads willing to hold us accountable even though they "hurt our feelings". *smile*)

You see, at any point in time, God can step in and change our situation. I mean He is God, right? But He longs to have mature sons. In His wisdom, He knows that the only way to grow up is for the fire to bring to light the inner workings of our soul that are still immature and selfish.

We can prevent His process by insisting on concentrating on the external.

Do we realize that? As long as I stubbornly concentrate on how unfair life is (and it IS) or how this person's sin issues or personality quirks disappoint and hurt me (and they will) or how irritated I am because of lack or need or want, then I will not grow up.

I will stay stuck as an immature son tossed to and fro by life: no "foundation on the ROCK of JESUS" in that kind of person.

Additionally, each time I walk through a frustrating situation and I keep it "about them", then another brick is put into the wall over my "junk". I become more hardened and unable to connect to others on an intimate level.

Let me try to explain.

We all have junk. It's supposed to be that way. How cool is that! The way I was raised, I felt like that perfection was the only path; there was intense shame for my insecurities and deep struggles. I believe that this mind set still governs much of the body of Christ. Therefore, we do all we can to mask our stuff - jealousy, rage, fear, addiction, racing minds, insecurity etc. - and maintain a calm and holy exterior.

But that is not the real kingdom. The truth of HIS kingdom is that all that stuff is forgiven and covered completely by grace and love. It's not only covered, there is freedom from it. He desires to set us free.

How does He do that? He permits life, and its frustrations, to bring out our stuff. In the midst of pain and disappointment, our junk is raw, on the surface. At that juncture, we have a choice - we can let the stuff remain on the surface, as ugly as it is, and bring it to HIM (maybe through a trusted mature person) for healing. Or we can resist, complain about the situation at hand, and try desperately to manipulate and change things. Choosing the latter approach merely leads to our becoming a tad more bitter or controlling. Because the emotions are too painful or difficult we push them back down, concentrating only on how much life hurts. In other words, we dig in more deeply to hide in our trench of control and indifference to life.

All the while the ugly emotions are still there. We have simply pushed them more settledly into our soul.

There lies the "root" of the blockades on our hearts - a stubborn refusal to let the Spirit work inwardly and, instead, complain about or try to control our external world.

The cycle is fertile breeding ground for roots of bitterness and walls of control.

Choosing to respond with an openness to the inner issues He is attempting to surface is difficult. EXTREMELY difficult. One feels vulnerable and out of control. But it is the only road to maturity.

I dare say that THIS is the narrow road of which Jesus spoke - the road that so few choose because it is so hard. Change is not easy. In fact, at this intricate working of our souls, it feels next to impossible.

But WITH GOD, in time, nothing is impossible - even healing and delivering us from the "stuff" that we all have.

It's up to us, though. He gives us that choice.

Will I insist on keeping life "out there" and complain and try to control?

Or will I see the next painful situation as an opportunity for a deeper working of the Spirit?

Personally, I hate pain. I hate disappointment. I prefer to wish it all away or keep a tight lid on my heart and live with indifference and pretense. However, my preference to become a mature son overrides my natural tendancy to superficiality and carnality.

Onward we go.

HOLD ON CREATION - there ARE mature sons ready to be revealed! Don't give up on us!!! *smile*

Freedom!

2007-07-15T21:34:00.001-04:00

"The Law of the Spirit set me FREE from the Law of sin and death." Rom 8:2

All that junk, in us, that often weighs us down is powerless. Seriously.

Read the verse, friends. Isn't that what it says?

Oh, I know - it's one of those verses that we have read our whole lives. Even to the point where we kind of zone out when we read it. "That is nice," we tend to yawn through our nightly Bible reading.

But it is true!!!

All the sin and struggle and "stuff" that hampers us does not have the dominion over us. How cool is THAT! That is not boring bed time reading but shouting material! *smile*

So the question is, then, why in the world do we still struggle with it?

Because we simply will not buckle down and stand with the dominion that Christ gave us. Believing the lies that we will always be messed up, we shrink back from warring for our freedom. Instead of renewing our minds, we lazily permit them to remain infested and, thus, our lives become impotent.

And the other reason, I believe, is that we have tried so hard to over come, at times, and our efforts seem so futile. At least that is how it had been for me, for years. The subtle message, in Christianity seemed to be "Yes, you are saved through grace but NOW you have to try really hard to be good."

I just could never get there. Of course, on the outside, I was a great example of a "good Christian." I did so many things right. But that deep stuff where my addictions and passions were out of control - Ugh. I was a wreck! But I tried so so hard to get better. I really did. All those tears. All that begging "God PLEASE help me stop."

It does not work that way. First off, nothing in me can produce good anyway. Remember, Paul says in Romans 7 that no good dwells in him. Thus, if no good dwells in us, then how in the world can we "try and be good"? God could not "help me stop" because it was my effort. It was my flesh. And my flesh cannot do any good.

God will never anoint flesh even if it's my flesh trying diligently to be spiritual or "good".

That is what is so tremendous about the REAL gospel, as opposed to religion. The real gospel is completely honest with the fact that nothing good dwells in me. And the real gospel provides amazing hope in that it acknowledges that it is the power of the cross that has dealt the ultimate blow to all that junk in us. I am supposed to be full of garbage because Calvary can handle it. Calvary HANDLED it - past tense.

Religion will merely make us feel guilty because we are never good enough.

HA! Praise God. I am already "good enough" - certainly not because I "acted" good today but because Christ has made me righteous.

So how do we overcome?

That is another sermon in itself. Overcoming, in the practical, is not the point of this posting. I just wanted to be balanced. Yes, we have our stuff, as I am ready to admit. But the "stuff" only has the power over me that I give it. Christ has paved the way for my freedom. It's up to me if I will ultimately overcome by choosing His road, which is by submitting completely to His kingdom rule.

I can keep trying to push it all down or try to control it with my religious zeal and rules or I can admit just how wretched that I am and then, literally, surrender to HIS pathway to walking in freedom and deliverance.

The freedom was bought. The sad thing is how few Christians are sincerely walking in the amazing righteousness, peace and joy which IS the kingdom.

As I catch whiffs of it in my own life, I realize that I want to keep going in dying, daily, to self and me and soulish whims. Freedom is found in HIS kingdom principles and not the junk for which my soul clamours anyway.

It's far from easy. But it is possible. My life is living proof of that one. Not because I have arrived but because I am not the mess that I was. YES!

A Heart Matter

2007-07-11T07:56:00.000-04:00

So what color is your cess pool cover?

(I was going to make that the title of this blog but I figured it would be an automatic turn off. *grin*)

Ok, so what is my point?

Isn't it easier to change our behavior than to be transformed within? I don't know about you, but I can easily spend great amounts of energy in addiction control or being kind and nice, rather than accepting that deep within there are sin nature issues that need a supernatural fix.

In other words, I prefer to alter the style and color on the external cess pool cover; all the while the gunk below - the gunk that is the true source of the problem - remains unchanged.

And I know that I could be accused of being negative or always looking at the dark side of things. However, do you believe we can fathom the incredible power of His light and healing and salvation without being honest with the depth and intensity of our depravity?

The gaze and fixation is ALWAYS on JESUS. ALWAYS.

But in that process, He will bring to light, if we are willing to listen, the wretchedness of our pride and selfishness; it is the driving force behind any sinful action. In fact, I will go as far to say that the action, itself, does not grieve the Holy Spirit as much as the motivation of pride and selfishness.

(which would mean, then, that even "ministry" could grieve Him if the motivation is ME - being noticed; being needed; being important? *sigh* Been there.)

I can think that working on my kindness will solve my problems. Each morning, I can decide to smile and reach out. And, for a while, I can be successful.

Give it time, however. It does not take long for jealousy or frustration to creep in. The smile can cover it. The loud prayers and excited worship can mask it.

But the root of pride and self centeredness are still in control if I have not been transformed deeply. Just trying hard to be kind will not touch it.

Honestly, though, don't you think that is what we have been led to believe? That if we just try hard to be kind and love others, and pray for strength to do so, then we can change?

Oh sure, it is a subtle teaching because we all know it is only by grace we are saved.

Still, it seems to be a rare teaching that challenges us to let the Holy Spirit bring to light our pride and self centeredess. We are bombarded with sermons about lust or lying or being jealous. And the implication is we can try hard, with the Holy Spirits help, to overcome.

Well, I disagree. To an extent.

I believe that the root of our pride, that goes all the way back to Lucifer's demise, needs to be broken, with a daily death, before we can overcome all that obnoxious stuff on the surface.

Think about it. If you are honest, would you not agree that below all your struggles is a large "I"?

"I" will ascend.

"I" will prove myself.

"I" will make sure I am noticed.

"I" will get my needs met.

Down the line it goes.

So, sure, we can change the cess pool cover. I can have coffee with my enemies. I can hug them on a Sunday. I can smile at that person who grates on my nerves. Yup - the cess pool cover can change weekly.

But I want more. I want to see "I" take a fall. I want to see "I" be crucified - not by my own efforts but by some inexplicable supernatural transformation which takes time. Repentance. Pain. Death.

I guess that is why Paul said "I" die daily, huh?

Kingdom vs Kingdom

2007-07-02T09:58:00.000-04:00

We are in a war zone.

Every minute of every day, there are two kingdoms vying for rule in our lives. The battlefield is in our minds and it is completely up to us who will win.

Ok. Like most of the stuff I say, you can respond "well, I know that." And I agree - the things I write are not rocket science; however, as usual, let me add some points for you to ponder.

I think if most of us were honest, we do not take seriously the mind battle. We accept thoughts as just "life" or "us" or "Oh well. I will worry about that line of thinking later."

Then we wonder why we are not walking in the Kingdom promises of righteousness, peace and joy.

The reason is simple.

Each time we ignore a negative or ungodly thought, we feed the power of the kingdom of darkness. That is not something to disregard. Unfortunately, though, I do not believe we comprehend the severity of this scenerio beyond head knowledge. Oh we may talk about it; but do we apply it?

You see, the enemy (kingdom of darkness) desires to supplant the kingdom of heaven in our lives. He knows that most of us (at least those of you who are reading this, right now) will not succumb to out right temptations of adultery or drunkenness etc. You know - those taboo things.

Does that mean he simply gives up? Of course not. His goal is to control you. Remember - there is a constant battle for rule of your life. Constant. So if he cannot gain mastery with flagrant junk, he will attempt with more subtlety. One thought here. One thought there. And it will, most likely, not be a thought about a flagrant sin but will be those "little things" we overlook like fear or doubt or criticism or self pity or pride and selfish ambition.

It is so easy, for me, to be lazy in guarding my mind against a little leaven here or a little leaven there in regards to ungodly thoughts. In other words, it is tons easier to let my mind wander into negative thinking patterns than to watch carefully. And the reason is because, honestly, I do not realize the extent of the consequences of my slothfulness.

"Oh it's just one thought." or "That one comment about that person will not matter."

Yah. And Eve thought "It's just one bite."

Do you ever wonder why Paul said, in II Cor 10, that he takes EVERY thought captive? Maybe because Paul understood what I am attempting to outline.

He grasped more fully than I, that the enemy will plant a seed, via a thought - a seed of doubt, hopelessness, fear, criticism, self pity, accusation, pride, complaining etc. One thought. At that point, we have a choice.

If we do not pull OUT that thought, using the power of heaven, another thought will follow. Then another etc. Before we know it, we find ourselves in torment or angry or fearful or critical or this or that. And we wonder "How in the world did that happen?"

It was one thought.

We often hear about our words and how we need to speak the word in order to plant seeds of the kingdom of heaven into our situations. Doing that will usher in victory.

Brothers and sisters, do we realize that the same principle applies to the kingdom of darkness?Weeds are planted the same way as corn - a seed.

Oh fellow travelers, there is so much God has for us in the way of peace and joy and victory, isn't there? The kingdom of heaven DOES have a vast supply where ALL our needs are met. But so few of us seem to be walking in that, ya know? *sigh*

I believe that so much of it is because we do not realize the power of the battle over our lives that begins in our minds.

I throw out to you this theory - if every Christian would walk in more diligence over the negative thinking in their lives - whether it be about their circumstances or another person or even themselves, I believe we would see "His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven."

I even go so far to say that the hub or central point of the battle for rule in this world is in the mind of every believer.

One thought taken captive here.

Another thought there.

One step at a time, defeating the kingdom of darkness who is competing for control.

Action vs Reaction

2007-06-25T08:50:00.000-04:00

Our reactions, not our actions, locate our hearts.

Consider that, for a moment.

How I respond to an uncomfortable or unfair situation is the bona fide dis closer of my maturity level. I may walk in incredible gifting and anointing. I may be preach or prophesy at a top notch level. And because of those gifts, people will admire me and even put me on a pedestal.

But even Jesus said, in Matt 7, to those with amazing gifts and power, (paraphrased) "Um. Frankly, peoples, I am not impressed with all that outward stuff. I know the truth of the immaturity of your soul."

And in His grace, for us, He places us in situations that unveil the truth of our selfishness and pride. He permits misunderstanding and betrayal and frustration. Why? Because such circumstances bring to light what is, truly, beneath the pious exterior.

He knows that our reactions will often betray the reputation we are trying to promote.

Yet the exciting thing is He is not a sadist, orchestrating pain and frustration to blissfully observe our squirming. He longs for us to be freed from the black holes in our souls. Thus, He places us in situations to, hopefully, get our attention to the "real deal" stuff that is often hidden when we are on top of the world in ministerial activities.

He craves our honesty; through the pathway of authenticity we can find freedom from the junk that lurks below. We will not repent and change our ways if we will not admit that there is a problem. And we, usually, do not realize that there is a problem until an ugly incident brings it to the surface.

Trust me. I would much rather be preaching a sermon or laying hands on the sick than to walk through the stark reality of my jealousies and fears and pride and selfishness. I prefer the anointing over the battle with the ingrained responses of my soul that require an overhaul.

Then again, regardless of what I am doing, on the outside, if I do not face that stuff, with the power and might of the kingdom principles, it will affect how purely I serve the King.

God longs for the pure in heart. Not the pure in actions.

Thus, He orchestrates life to, hopefully, show us that our reactions point to some unfinished business in this process we call sanctification of the soul.

In other words, God is seeking to create a people with kingdom character not just kingdom authority. And the process is through painful episodes of misunderstanding, disappointment and injustice.

So the question is how am I doing? My reactions to life will show me.

Am I quick to forgive or do I hold a grudge? And how far BACK to those grudges go? *gentle smile*

Do I complain or silently trust that He is still in control and He loves me?

Do I thrive on man's approval and attention and become offended when people do not respond to me the way that I expect?

Do I find myself manipulating or controlling situations or can I walk away and trust GOD to work it out in HIS timing?

Do I thrash out in temper when feeling threatened or unfairly treated?

Do I retreat in self pity or stay connected?

Do I battle my moods with the power of the cross or let them control me?

Oh my. Hard questions. But they are the barometer of my maturity aren't they?

Praise God, there is always grace. Never shame. Even in facing truth. I guess, too, the more I realize how depraved I am, apart from Calvary, the more I can grasp how amazing His grace is.

So I thank GOD for His working with me and in me.

And I guess I thank Him for all these raunchy situations to which I react. They are locating the truth. (Honestly, too, it is not all bad news on that front, for me. I am seeing amazing growth - I just long to keep going. :o))

Works or the Promise?

2007-06-19T15:20:00.000-04:00

"For if those who live by works are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless."

"The promise comes by faith."

Romans 4

Lately, the above verses have been penetrating my soul. Oh, sure, I know that I am saved by grace. And I know that I cannot waver in my faith in believing the promises of God. In the faith based church, we have heard sermon upon sermon about Romans 4 and all the things Abraham did to be credited with the promises.

Still, I am seeing something else in this passage - something that touches the day-to-day way that I implement my faith.

The bottom line, for me, is do I REALLY trust in GOD?

Oh, I can say that I know that God is faithful to His promises. But my actions? My speech? In all honesty, they display something different. They reveal that I trust my own strength and wisdom to complete the promises.

You see, I have an adolescent son. That is enough said for all of us parents of adolescents, right? *smile*

When I watch myself speak to him, I notice a mom bent on control and fixing him rather than trusting him to God. I am quick to offer advice, which he often shuns, anyway, rather than trust that God is faithful to the promises I know that God has spoken over his life.

I see decisions he is making with which I disagree and I want to jump in with my two cents. I know that the spirit is telling me to trust. To wait. To believe that my son has a strong foundation and now, he is the Spirit's man on many fronts; the serious "training period" is over.

"Oh, but God, I think You need my help;" or "what if he makes a huge mistake? I have to prevent him from that." I subconsciously argue. (In other words, I cannot TRUST in faith in the promise. YOU need my works to help it all along. Or my badgering/nagging both heaven AND earth.)

Don't we do that with so many areas of our lives?

We are control freaks, aren't we? It may not be obvious to the naked eye and some of us are more subtle than others. But I believe it is a stronghold in our humanity.

We strive to control the outcome of every situation. Meaning we are "working" which means we are negating the influence of heaven. Look at the passages I outlined, again - if our works (i.e subtle control and manipulation or even things we "do" to get God's attention or earn His promises and miracles), are in play, then faith has no value and the promise is worthless. God cannot bless our efforts at control and fixing and advising and suggesting. If He did, then we could give glory to all our wisdom and insight that brought about the situation.

The promise would be worthless.

The real inheritance has no value. (gaining the whole world by our control and holding on and manipulating yet losing the king's inheritance?)

I don't want worthless promises. But that means my soul has to pay a price - it has to let go of control and its need to know. Ouch.

If we truly trusted God, we would permit situations to become "as good as dead", as Abraham's situation, (Romans 4:19) and then wait. Wait. Wait some more. And see God, in HIS timing, bring about life to a seemingly hopeless situation.

But to let a situation completely out of our sight or control; to permit it to die or fall apart - whoa. Scary, right? To just sit back and WATCH something go from worse to worst, and not step in? That is difficult for anyone.

And, of course, I am not promoting passivity and foolishness. That is so far from what I am trying to say, that I will not even spend time explaining. *smile*

I am merely examining my own actions and reactions and I see a mom who is scared to let her child fail. I see a mom who is afraid of my reputation if my child does not perform up to my standard. And, thus, I see a mom who tries to rein him in when, the reality is, I need to let him go and trust.

I see this attitude in many areas of my life, though.

In other words, I am more prone to try to keep my life manageable and "known" rather than throwing it ALL into the hands of the Father and honestly living out (not just in words that impress you) absolute surrender.

And I am not beating myself up. I am not condemning myself.

I just know that I long to see God move mightily in my life and in my children's lives. However, God is going to give me the choice - I can insist on trying to control and fix and thus keeping out God's miraculous intervention in the situation or I can be quiet and stop trying so hard to fix every problem I see and, instead, pray. Trust. Wait.

The promises, in my life, will ONLY come through faith. Through a tested faith that has died to my need to "make sure" or fix or control.

NOT my will. NOT my control. NOT my nagging and fixing. But THY will, oh Lord.

The Kingdom Comes in Righteousness

2007-06-11T07:35:00.000-04:00

"The kingdom of God is righteousness..." Romans 14:17

Have you noticed that Christians can be some of the meanest people with whom you deal? There is something drastically wrong with that, don't you think?

Oh, we can raise our hands on Sunday or pray loudly on Wednesdays, but that is not the test for the kingdom rule in our lives. Even though, I am sure, we would like it to be. Ok, I would like it to be! *smile*

Isn't it tons easier to put on a smile and "do" whatever you "do", gifting wise, during a service than to forgive when offended? Or to respect your husband? Or be kind to your adolescent children? Yet these seemingly "little things" is where our Christianity is lived out. It's where it counts. And it is the gateway to the kingdom touching earth.

Yes, you and I are the gateways through which the kingdom comes; however, it is not our wild chatter or prattling prayers during the church service that are the opening. It's how we live out our daily nuts and bolts.

In fact, I daresay, that if our hidden lives are not reflecting righteousness and peace and kindness and forgiveness, we may as well forget having God's stamp of approval on what we do in public. Yes, a strong statement, I agree and maybe not completely doctrinally correct.

However, I contest that there is some truth to it.

In fact, I believe He has spoken to me on numerous occasions and said, firmly, "How you live your private life will directly determine how I use you in the public sphere." And this is from the God whom I cannot fool. Ouch

Living out righteousness, in the day-to-day exchanges, requires numerous opportunities to die to self. And we, typically, do not do very well, do we?

Oh, the sufferings of Christ that we tend to avoid. "Give me the power. Give me the gifts. Give me recognition. But please do not ask me to let go of my self protection, self promotion and self provision."

We need to have the last word. We need to make sure our reputation is protected. We insist on being right. And, by golly, we need to make sure other people know how we were hurt or offended or treated unfairly.

In other words, we hold on to pride and foolishness rather than calmly and kindly and quietly, turning the other cheek, laying it at the feet of the Great Defender and Lover of our soul, and walking away physically and emotionally.

Sounds righteous to me. NOT. *grin*

We like to tout the kingdom and the power that heals the sick and delivers the bound.

What about the kingdom that is compassionate toward the "small" people in life? Or the kingdom that is patient with an obnoxious sales clerk or a self absorbed teen? And let's not forget the kingdom that forgives, over and over and over and over, no matter the offense - even if it comes from our spouse? or child?

And it's not a matter of trying harder. Lord knows we have tried the will power thing, in vain, for eons.

It's a matter of humility. "God I cannot do this. But I CHOOSE to lay down my right to be angry. My right to protect myself with a comment or low blow. And, from there, I trust YOU to enter the situation in whatever way You see fit. I will trust YOU and not my own methods of self."

Yes. The kingdom of God. We long for it to come and manifest itself on the earth. Yet, I believe, in many ways, whether it is demonstrated is already in our hands - meaning how we treat other people, in the behind the scenes areas of our lives, is the pathway to the greater works for which we cry out.

The Power of the One

2007-06-05T13:21:00.001-04:00

I wonder.

I wonder what would happen if every Christian, every church, every ministry would just stop all that they are doing. That is right. Just put a halt on all the programs, all the attempts at ministry, all the busyness that church life often demands.

And then wait.

Wait and see what God begins to speak. Wait and hear the heart of the Father on the matter. And then do what He says. Go to places He points out and stay away from those where He is not leading. Instead of just studying to see what program we can develop to meet a supposed need, that we would bring the need before the Father. First off, we would check with Him to see if we are even the ones called to address it. And then, indeed, if we are, we would see how HE plans to do that, using us merely as His tool.

Ok. Maybe a voice like mine cannot convince huge ministries to accept such a challenge. But I can throw it out to the one brother or sister reading this, right?

I guess what has been on my heart, so powerfully, in the past few years is the power of the one: the efficacy of ministry, to the one, that has been ordained from above. As we pour our lives or prayers into the seemingly small situations - the ones to which God has thrown open the door - we will be doing the work of the kingdom and thus, results are guaranteed.

Oh sure, they may not be our results because we enjoy number crunching and spotlights. We crave being noticed and approved. Therefore, our obscure ministry to the one will not yield the outcomes for which we long. However, in kingdom's eyes, I wonder how much praise is occurring when we are faithful to these hidden, yet spirit led, works?

Think about this for a moment: if every single Christian, in the world, would seriously seek the heart of the Father and minister to the situations, within their own sphere, to which the Father leads; if every Christian would do what the Father reveals, and nothing more, what would happen?

I believe we would change our world. Truly. There would be tons of one-one ministry and discipleship. We would experience neat interactions with individuals here and there, bringing Jesus to their world - as opposed to expecting them to come to our church services.

It would take work and waiting for God to open a door. Yet the rewards? As the commercial says - priceless. *grin*

But we are too busy. We are too busy running to "huge" events for the "huge" anointing. Or we are too busy with church and meetings and committees and....etc......

I mean, let's face it - being in a huge assembly with hundreds or thousands is breath taking. It is inspiring. And often events at church feed something in us about our value and being needed. However, what happens from there? We enjoy the high for a while but is anything, in our sphere, really affected?

And please do not hear criticisms of the huge gatherings or even church. That is not my point. I believe they are important.

I guess, though, for me, it became easier to attend church or dream of big meetings with lots of activity - both as a participant and a leader (the destiny on my life to become a "mighty woman of God" in the kingdom) - rather than realize that God has a work for me to do NOW, one life at a time, in my "little world." If I am running to meetings or settling in futuristic vision about the developing "call on my life", I am not doing the work of the kingdom right here, right now, with the people GOD drops in my lap.

(Let me simply digress here, just a second, for how I have seen this implemented in my own life. Trust me - I was the queen of chasing the anointing and "waiting" for all the "doors" to my ministry to open. "ONE DAY" was my motto, as I sought the Lord intently to grow myself up so I could be ready for "the ministry."

What a farce.

Finally, the Lord got a hold of me. "Your ministry is now. Today. Open your eyes. Look around you. Most of the people, in your world, will not 'go' to church or a meeting where you dream of preaching. They will not read a tract you leave in the rest room. The issue is not to get people to go to church or read a pamphlet, but to introduce them to Me - YOU are the vessel through which I will move. Start looking for My doors, daily, for you to be Jesus to those around you As long as you keep waiting for the "huge ministry" junk, you are missing the ministry at your back door."

*gulp*

A tad embarrassed, I changed my perceptive. "Lord, what do You have for me today?" And I would listen and watch.

I could relay story upon story of one life, here and there. Oh sure, there are not great numbers and it is not everyday, but there are lives being affected one day at a time. And prayers being launched for "nobodys" - but they are somebody to HIM: people I meet in the store; kids I work with in the public schools; friends of my boys. I have faith that somehow, in kingdom dynamics, lives are being affected because the LORD is on it. Its not because of me. It is because I am listening; letting go (slowly) of the need to be important and noticed; and just letting HIM open doors. I don't chase needs. I don't "do" anything unless I hear HIM telling me to go, no matter how dire the situation, although I am tempted to jump in with! Believe me! I mostly pray. If I am not praying for some of these people, who is? WOW! What a privilege.)

We continually talk about the world being impacted with the gospel.

Ya know what the most effective means of this is? You. There is a unique way for you to reveal the glory to your world. I cannot come to your world. Lou Engle cannot enter your world. Your pastor cannot influence your world. But you can.

Just as I can influence mine.

One life at a time, in obscurity, where heaven leads and heaven moves, often unbeknownst to us.

I believe we could change the world.

Ya think? *smile*

The Creation Waits

2007-05-28T09:28:00.000-04:00

"The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed...the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage...and brought into glorious freedom of the children of God..." Romans 8:19,20

Do you ever think about what these verses really mean? Or, are you like me with certain verses - they seem so heavy or difficult to understand, that I just read over them without thinking twice about them?

Let me throw out a thought on these particular verses.

Could it mean, truly, what it says? Oh my - what a concept - you mean the Word means exactly what it says and we don't have to spiritualize it? *smile*

In other words, it says that everything we see, in creation, is eager to see the sons of God revealed/uncovered/manifested. Apart from the sons of God being revealed, the creation is in bondage. That is what it says. Yet, the verses seem to imply that when the true sonship of the body of Christ is manifested, there will be a huge shift in the mess that we see.

Of course, we can say "Yes, that will happen in the new heavens and new earth." I am not sure that is the context. Okay, so I am not a Hebrew scholar nor am I a PhD in Theology; humor me for a tad.

This is what I think - I believe that the body of Christ is "covered" with her own religion and works. It appears, to me, that we have done well at establishing how we believe Christianity should appear. In other words, we are good at the programs and works.

However, I think God has something better in mind. In fact, even when the disciples came to Him and asked "What should we do?" Jesus replied, in so many words "Just be." (John 6:28,29) He also said that our love or our character - those things deep within - will demonstrate God to this world. Works and programs were the last thing, in the mind of Jesus, when it comes to demonstrating His kingdom to the world.

Our works have been, on many fronts, our own attempts at goodness. They have been our way of "working for God." However, the truth is, we don't have to "do" anything for God. He did it all. We are simply to be the manifestation of His glory on the earth.

And how does that occur? Look at Romans 8:17 - through suffering His glory is revealed.

As soon as we mention suffering, we envision being burnt at the stake or being dipped in hot oil. I do not think that is the suffering to which Paul is referring. I postulate that it's the suffering of the soul so that it can be released from its self preservation and self provision. Once our souls are freed up from their natural instinct of "ME ME ME" then we can love; we can walk in humility; we can reveal the pure fruit of the Spirit as opposed to the stuff we work up and call "fruit."

You see, even our religious work, at times, is for self. How? We have to grow the ministry so that the funding, through tithes, can support it; if I can impress them with my gifts/talents then they will want me as part of their fellowship; I can find acceptance ( deep down I feel so much shame and fear and insecurity) because I have a strong prophetic or worship or whatever gifting.

Underneath so much of our Christian activity is a motivation of self. At least it has been for me so if I am simply revealing my own heart, then that is okay - a catharsis of sorts! *grin*

Thus, I believe our suffering is more in the lines of our souls losing power and our entering into a deeper trust in HIS provision and protection rather than a continual striving to stay one step ahead of anything that threatens us. Instead of relying on me to promote myself, even through ministry, suffering yields a confident and peaceful trust in Him. From there, I can love without walls, self serving motives and manipulation.

Therefore, I am no longer "covered" in my own works. He "removes" that cover and, voila, my "sonship" is revealed in a supernatural way to those around me. I don't necessarily have to "do" anything any more. I just am.

I am a son of God full of His power and glory - and I may not even realize it.

I step into situations and His glory, that is being revealed, changes the atmosphere. Because my first inclination is no longer "Oh no. I need to 'do' a ministry", He can now move powerfully. Self is not in the way; it is no longer about my seeking to impress or fix or even "minister." It is about my finding complete acceptance and approval and fulfillment in my sonship. He will do the work, through me, and I may have no idea He did a thing. Wow! I love it.

Talk about being able to walk in peace. And then an ability to supernaturally reflect that peace to a world who longs for peace.

So how will we, sons of God, be revealed to the hurting and dying world around us? By relaxing a little. By stepping away from all our striving to do good works for God. By learning to enjoy or being rather than being caught up in the next thing we have to do.

Oh to just let it all go - all that "stuff" that we thought impressed God and others. And simply hide in HIM. He will take care of the rest by revealing His glory in us - the sons of God.

Let's not keep creation waiting much longer!

Being Transformed

2007-05-21T08:19:00.000-04:00

Christianity.

When the world hears the term, its description would, probably, include words like: rules, control, goody-goodies, boring. In fact, often, when people discover that I am a "Christian", their actions change. Automatically, they feel judged by me. *sigh*

I think, in some cases, we have earned the reputation. I have. At times, I would attempt to change someone into a form fitted mold, with my lectures or tracts. Deciding what is a "real Christian" I was determined to change the world one tract or one sermon at a time.

Thank GOD for His mercy over my pride. Geesh.

In some parts of the body the language is changing. "It's not about rules but about relationship." It sounds a whole lot better than the rules and control. Thank GOD.

However, honestly, I think we are still missing it where it counts - deep within where God longs to conform us to the image of His Son.

Relationship. Yes it's about a relationship. However, it's not about the feel good, sing and shout kind of relationship. Oh sure, that is a by- product, at times.

But a more accurate explanation is that Christianity is a relationship with a King who desires to invade your life with HIS governance. And I don't just mean that He wants to you to quit smoking, drinking and cussing. *smile*

Deep within, where we are angry or proud or fearful or insecure or lustful or impatient or unsubmissive/unloving/unkind to our spouses - THAT is where He wants to change us. That is where the relationship matters: in our hidden lives, when no one is looking except our family.

(Darn that what you see on Sunday mornings is not my true character. Please just look at that. Do not ask my husband! *grin*)

Oh, friends, I am so tired of the excitement on a Sunday morning, only to come home and say something offensive or hurtful to my kids. Or gossip about someone in the church who offended me. Or complain about this or that. I may not smoke or cheat on my husband, but my tongue of ridicule, complaining or self pity can do more damage in 2 seconds than a tornado can do in 2 hours.

That is not real attractive to the world, is it? They can see through my charade. Why would they want what they already have- frustration, self pity, complaining - with a holy smoke screen? The only difference between my life and theirs is that I have to get up on Sunday morning and go to church. No wonder no one wants to join our ranks.

Metamorphosis: the permanent changing of my character. I want to walk in it. I want the world to see something different. I want it to see Christ.

How does this shift occur?

One little bit at a time. One choice at a time. Taking that lustful thought captive again and again and again and again until it no longer has control. Resisting the urge to lose the temper again and again until the spirit has the control over the out of control soul.

Day in. Day out. Trudging. Failing. Succeeding, Failing. Succeeding a little more.

Not giving up when (not if but WHEN we fail). Not permitting condemnation to become our mantra; instead, we press in, fully confident that HE began the work and HE will complete it. Phillipians 1:6. The only thing up to me is to obey. He will do the changing. It's not up to me. Thank GOD.

As we slog through the sloppy mess, little by little, HIS image begins to be seen. In time, this relationship with the King changes us. Because HIS spirit begins to govern our souls; our out of control emotions or thoughts are taking a back seat.

As we conquer fear, pride, lust, insecurity, impatience and gossip, by HIS power - not by trying hard - then our countenance changes. We have peace. We reflect peace.

In other words, we reflect the God of peace to a world longing to see peace.

The world does not want any more rules. They are tired of our stale Christianity. They also don't want our silly emotional appeals. They see our lives. They see our unforgiveness and selfishness. They observes our tempers and depression. They know we are a bunch of hot air.

But as we work out our own salvation, becoming transformed into His likeness, the world WILL take notice. Not because we are "good". No. They will observe our peace. Our lasting joy - not the fake kind that is spoken through gritted teeth or only when things are going well.

It's not denial of pain or frustration. It's not the "lying through our teeth" that all is going well when our lives are falling apart. Rather, we have learned to silence the fears and doubts and depression in the midst of painful circumstances and, thus, we DO have peace. An odd kind of sensation. Maybe a better term is supernatural sensation that comes, only, with time spent battling the soul into submission, not screaming and shouting in a worship service.

We can only get there by a painstaking walk through self denial. We WANT a quick prayer to get us free. It does not usually work that way. Darn.

Day by day by day by day - resisting temptation one thought at a time; denying selfish ambition and pride one thought at a time; refusing to give into gossip one comment at a time. Relying solely on HIS power to get us through.

His power is not just for Sunday mornings where we try to work up the glory.

It is about His daily invading our lives so that HIS spirit will become the rule in our lives rather than our soulish impulses.

As we change, others will be drawn to us.

What a novel thought. All those people I have alienated with my self righteous rules and spiritual lingo will possibly want to be around me? They will no longer see me as holier than thou?

Why is that again?

Because they are seeing something worthwhile to pursue - they are seeing peace and calm in the midst of storms. They are seeing a deep confidence that I don't even have to talk about - it just shows up.

Talk about a great way to "add to the numbers" in the body of Christ. Talk about a better magnet to the kingdom. I think it is more effective than any program.

Yes?

Being Led by the Spirit

2007-05-14T08:44:00.000-04:00

Being led by the Spirit of God.

Isn't that the quality, of a mature son, whom Paul describes in Romans 8:14?

So are we mature sons? Sure, on paper or in conversation, we make much of the Spirit's leading; however, honestly, is it where we, as a body, find ourselves today - being led by the Spirit of God? Or are we led more by the insights of man? The programs of man? The needs of man? Or what worked for another church or another person?

God is looking for those who sincerely desire to be led by the Spirit of God as opposed to those who continue to offer to God things that seem good to them.

Oh we are all guilty of this, are we not? (Ok, maybe I am the only one? *smile*)

We decide that something seems spiritual or an answer to a problem; thus we embark on a plan. We study. We ask people. We organize study groups. We decipher what worked for others facing our particular need. Then we are off, plunging head first into solving our dilemma or ministering to the needs around us. We possess, in our little hands, the programs established with man's common sense or solutions generated by someone else's experience.

Somewhere, in the midst of our contriving and plotting, we may ask God to help. Surely, we have a good idea; thus, He will be inclined to bless it. "Daddy, look at what we are doing," we clamour like a bunch of 5 year olds. "Isn't it a good idea? Bless us as we move into it, ok?"

Then we wonder why, after the initial euphoria, there are no substantial outcomes. There is no life changing result. Everything returns to normal. *sigh*

"What happened?" we query. This is what happened - it was our idea. Our plan. And our energy that carried it through. There was no initial input from the Holy Spirit. It was our doing, hoping that He would come alongside and prop up our idea with as much enthusiasm as we culled.

Man can be awed with all that we accomplish. And man can be effected, momentarily, by the emotional hype of our programs. In fact, the numbers may increase dramatically. However, do we observe transforming experiences that survive long after the excitement or alter calls?

The stark reality is: God is not impressed with our soulish maneuvering, no matter how effective we advertise or implement and no matter how exponentially the numbers grow.

Our Heavenly Father is not obliged to bless and sustain our schemes. In fact, I honestly don't think He does. Yes, He is gracious and lets us try our best without disciplining us in our independence and arrogance. However, He is not committed to actually pouring out HIS power and blessing on our plans.

Having a ready made plan for any dilemma we face, God longs for us to come to Him and await His revelation for the solution. Once He unveils His tailor-made blueprint, He will provide anything and everything necessary to keep it going long after the emotional highs, of flesh and soul, have deteriorated.

I wonder what would happen if every Christian began to wait on God for His strategy? If every ministry would do the same? Not doing something because it worked for another person or another ministry. Not launching into an idea because it feels spiritual and godly. But just waiting for the specific plan God has for that particular need? And then follow Him with each step He reveals - not going ahead of Him, hoping He will still bless it, but walking step by step under His guidance and power?

I wonder if such an approach would begin to yield sphere shifting results? Rather than the same ol' into which we seem to keep falling?

To be led by the King of Kings and not our own ideas or plans - THAT is the kingdom of God. And following this kingdom's initiatives is what leads to "all these things being added unto you." Nothing short of the kingdom of God will produce such results - no matter how much man made polls or results of other situations extol.

Gimmicks vs the Real Deal

2007-05-08T08:27:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wonder how the early church was able to influence its sphere so powerfully? How did it produce such an impact that political rulers were nervous, demons trembled and heaven moved?

It did not have access to fancy church buildings or state of the art sound equipment. It lacked polished programs. Nor did it implement the results of longitudinal studies that determined effective evangelism techniques.

It simply proceeded under the directive and power of the Holy Spirit. And people were drawn to it; they were miraculously changed, healed and delivered.

Today, we have a plethora of gimmicks, studies and programs. We enjoy climate controlled church buildings and execute exquisite Power Point presentations. However, can we honestly say that we are having a profound impact on society?

Why not?

What did the early church possess that we seem to be lacking? I think the answer is something that could be labeled "The Real Deal".

They walked in something authentic. Not a hyped up, look good, feel good agenda. Not a 40 day study or 10 point plan of growth.

Today, we seem to promenade feelings and intellectual stimulation as something to be grasped. Yet we remain the same. There is little or no lasting change deep within. The world sees it; it is not fooled by the facade. Observing us enter our buildings every Sunday, the world realizes that we emerge unchanged: we worry like them; we are depressed; we whine and complain; we gossip; we argue; we are proud; we are selfish. What, in the world, is so tempting to join that kind of people?

Even more so, the demonic recognizes it. The powers of darkness are not impressed with our emotional appeals or hyped up worship. Nor are they mesmorized by our numbers. "Big Deal," they wink and nod.

In the book of Acts, though, the world was intrigued and demons were defeated.

The kingdom of God is about a Spirit led invasion into the soul of a man. The key is Spirit led - Spirit initiated and Spirit maintained. Not created in the board rooms but waited upon in the prayer room.

When the Holy Spirit is truly directing the situation, something happens. The hungry and needy are drawn to it. One does not have to lure them with creative methods. They come. Eventually. Oh sure, it may be one life at a time. The numbers are not the issue. (even though modern day Christianity has made it all about the numbers)

The depth of impact is the issue. A changed life is the ultimate goal.

God can do more with one life, transformed by the working of the Holy Spirit than He will do with a mass of people going forward after an emotional appeal of the preacher.

I think it is time for us to learn to be led by the Holy Spirit than dictated by the need, the program, or the plan. To be led by the Spirit requires waiting - often for long periods - for Him to reveal His plan.

But the proof is all over the Word that it works, permanently, and it makes huge inroads into the society at large.

Maybe this is why Jesus called for the church to be a House of Prayer.

Not a House of Programs.

Kingdom Risks....and Rewards

2007-05-03T10:49:00.000-04:00

The miraculous.

How I long to walk in the miraculous - watch the blind see and paraplegics jump out of wheel chairs. Or, even better yet, lead the hard core into the kingdom.

The problem is, I am not sure I am willing to get out of my "couch potato" spiritual mentality.

You see, yes, I want to walk on water, but please make sure the shore can be seen from the boat and that we are in 4 feet of water and it is a calm and sunny day. Then if God is not really God (meaning He really cannot be trusted to come through) I can swim or walk to shore when I sink. That is my recipe for a miracle. *smile*

However, I do not believe there is a kingdom precedence for my plan. It is replete with self protection and provision and deficient of abandoned trust in Him.

If I want to walk on water, then my boat has to be a considerable distance from anything I clutch for security. Additionally, there will be vicious storms and the water will be 25 feet deep. It is a scenerio to test my resolve to walk in faith. There is no "reserve" for the "just in case".

The miraculous requires risk to logic and reason, ease and status quo. But all of those things are what I lean into to feel secure and accepted and comfortable. I want to KNOW that there is something on which to fall back on. Why? Because, deep down, I do not really trust that GOD will do it for me. Lacking faith that He will perform a miracle, I stick to what feels safe, merely dangling a toe into anything perilous.

Oh sure, when you hear me speak, you will hear all kinds of spiritual jargon and faith sounding cliches. But deep within, where the rubber meets the road, do I trust Him? Or do I trust my bank account and then Him? Or the Doctor and then Him? Or the approval of a pastor and then Him? Or do I trust my own defense when accused, explanation when misunderstood, and sermons to fix my kids and then Him?

Do I make a plan and then hope He comes through rather than just throw myself into His call and then wait for His plan to be revealed? See, when I have a plan or a bank account or my own vices or the applause of man, I can feel it, see it, and hear it. And, thus, control it. Trusting Him means just that - trust in the dark, unknown and oft untraveled.

I am tired of talking the talk. I am tired of preaching the sermons.

I am tired of fooling myself.

But am I willing to take some deeper risks?

Mmmmmmmmm.....something to ponder.

I cannot fool Him any more. Even if I can fool you.

"The Inner Journey"

2007-04-30T21:18:00.000-04:00

"A broken heart is never satisfied."

The first time I heard those words spoken by Michael Barrett - an apostolic man and somewhat of an oversight of mine, from Bossier City, LA - a knife went through me. Why? Conviction. Truth.

In other words, it nailed me to the floor. It forced me into deeper honesty.

Looking sheepishly, yet truthfully, into my reactions to life and others, I had to admit "Yes. I still expect more from life on the horizontal than it is able to give me. In fact, the more it gives, the more I want. I am rarely satisfied."

(HA! I guess that makes me an addict, huh?)

That admission was simply one more step along the pathway of my own inner healing. However, this new truth took me along a different path.

See, I had read numerous books on inner healing. I had tons of head knowledge. In fact, I could probably teach a course on it.

But I had to be honest. Deep down, beyond the head knowledge and jargon, was a broken heart, that was virtually unfazed by my growing intellect. It needed something more.

No, let me rephrase that. It needed SOMEONE more. It needed me to sit still, and allow my broken heart to be accessed by the Spirit of God. That is not the same as intellectually discussing my issues with a counselor. It was opening a closed off part of me. It was admitting that I was still broken - my addictions to approval and significance from man was proof.

(My need to use ministry to make me feel important and needed was a no brainer that I had some serious issues. But hey, that is getting a little close now. Let's keep this superficial or about you. Or better yet, let's just stay spiritual. *smile*)

Oh, I wanted to feign that everything was okay - remember, I could teach this stuff. But my actions and reactions to life and people strongly indicated that I was still broken inside no matter how good I taught or looked on the outside.

Opening that part of me was difficult. Even to the Holy Spirit. But the person of the Holy Spirit was the key to significant progress in this journey. Not a book. Not a lecture series. Not more praise and worship. Not more Bible reading. Not even a counseling session. But a personal, time consuming, open faced relationship with THE HEALER. And honest transparency with others who were bold enough to hold me accountable when I wanted to stay in denial. Or run from the potter's wheel before I was "done".

It's hard to explain, in a simple blog post, how it began or how I continue to walk that out. However, I know that this leg of my road less traveled has been the most healing and freeing.

My broken heart is still not "fixed." How do I know that? Because I still yearn for man's approval at times and even when it comes, I wait around hoping for more. Or I still find myself giving man too much power over me to hurt me or reject me.

Still, I know that parts of my heart have been touched by the Holy Spirit. I know that I have been deeply healed because the addictions to the approval and the neediness for acceptance are not as paralyzing; also, I do not manipulate my world as much or chase it.

I guess I am just "working out my salvation". It is a process. It is a journey. And I am learning to be patient with myself. He is certainly patient with me. He is the one who told me to just concentrate on today and He would take care of the tomorrows.

So today, I lean into HIM for whatever He wants to tell me Today, I keep my heart open, even when it is oozing and bleeding from either a deep unhealed wound or a recent skirmish. Today, I will remain pliable as He walks with me and heals me and comforts me.

Thank God He is okay with my seemingly slow progress at times.

But even greater than that, Thank GOD that He has brought me so doggone far.

So so far.

We are all in dire need of a Savior - even on Sundays

2007-04-25T19:04:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered why the first "sermon" Jesus preached, in Luke, was His repeating the Isaiah 61 passage? Jesus never wasted words or opportunities. Everything was divinely calculated. So what was behind the words of Luke 4:18?

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor; to bind up the brokenhearted. To proclaim freedom for the captives and release for the prisoners."

I believe Jesus was outlining His ministry. And maybe you are saying "well, duh." Ok, hold on; let me take it beyond our Christianeeze.

It seems that most of us, especially those of us raised in religion/the church, stop at the "good news" part of this passage. We figure "I accept JESUS into my heart and, woo hoo, here I am world. After some schooling to prepare me in head knowledge, please send me into all the world to preach the good news."

Isn't that is what all good little Christian boys and girls do?

From my observation and personal experience with denial, it seems like those of us raised in the church gloss over the deeper truths of the gospel message. We have tons of head knowledge and lots of spiritual sounding cliches. However, deep inside, I think we miss something. Jesus speaks about it in the passage above.

The complete gospel not only includes "accepting" Jesus into your heart; it also involves: healing of broken hearted issues; deliverance from chains that imprison us; and freedom from the areas where we are blind. This step-by-step process into maturity is imperative for all of us. Even good little girls like me. *smile*

Oh but we "spiritual ones" do not want to see that. "I am holy," we think. "Look at all I 'do' for Jesus." Going to seminary, learning all we can, and burying all that mess below the surface is the goal.

"Churchie people" (and please realize I speak from tons of experience in denial and games; I was the best and still can be if I am not careful!), seem to assume it is just the prostitutes and drug addicts who require inner healing and deliverance. However, the truth is that all of us need some that kind of intervention from the Holy One.

What a hard pill to swallow. Yes? It means that behind our amens and Sunday morning smiles, we have to admit that we are scared and lonely and angry and jealous and hurting, at times. It means that we have to acknowledge that life, for every single one of us, has left some deep wounds and scars that will not just go away; they require a supernatural touch. They require my actually looking at themwith the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and not pretending them away. And not covering them with spiritual talk or actions.

That is vulnerable. However, that kind of transparency, it is the only road to freedom.

Too many of us, have masked our issues with behavior and spiritual jargon. Thus, we look great, on the outside; we know exactly what to say.

I believe the time has come for the church to walk in complete salvation, not just the "good news" part of the equation. We are all in dire need of a saviour for our broken hearts and sins that keep us in bondage. It's not just the prostitute and adulteress who need it. All of us hymn singing, bible toting, sermon preaching people have the same needs.

If everyone did not have a broken heart and prison doors that require opening, Jesus would not have spoken those words. And even if the religious establishment may have a problem admitting that it is broken and needy, Jesus and others, throughout the word, describe us as such.

Thus, for Him, it is not a problem. In fact, He expects it. He expects me to have deep seated junk that I want to mask with my spiritual front. He is not surprised when I come to Him and admit "I am really scared and lonely and jealous and angry and, flat out, broken." In fact, isn't He close to the broken hearted? (Ps 34).

Maybe, contrary to what my spiritual mind wants to tell me, He is closer to me when I am honest about my broken heart than when I am "strong and spiritual." Interesting concept.

In my weakness and brokenness, HE is strong and able and willing to heal, deliver and set in a spacious place. In my "strength" and piety, He lets me play my games but He, I believe, watches from a distance.

Let's stop trying to market our brokenness in more palatable ways than the "disgusting" issues of the prostitute and alcoholic. It's time for healing and deliverance. And you know what? I believe it is to start in the church -with me first.