Forgiveness....the impossible journey

I believe God's directive to forgive is the most difficult to obey.

When someone abuses us in such a way that our soul is left battered and wounded- when even its next breath is questionable- it's impossible to forgive. Utterly impossible.

The walls of bitterness and resentment that we erect are perceived to be more secure than the seeming idiocy of forgiving. When someone has been unjust, trampling over our very being, to "let it go and trust it to GOD", is overwhelming. It feels down right naked, doesn't it?

Surely, this person "deserves" our anger and bitterness. How in the world can I move out of this citadel?

The wall is erected. Over time, it becomes thick and impenetrable. Convinced that our reaction is the equalizing response, the despicable behavior of the other further rationalizes the fortress.

To even consider forgiving feels like we are saying that what the other person did was acceptable. There is NO WAY we can do that.

Yet God tells us to forgive. Repeatedly.

Gosh. I hate that, don't you?

But it is important to remember, God is not, necessarily, proclaiming that the atrocious behavior is right; He will deal with the other person in His timing. In all honesty, though, it's not about the other person, even though we want to make it about that one.

It's about us. Because God wants us to grow up. He longs to see us walk in life, not death.

Anger and bitterness - our trying to get someone back or our attempt at protecting ourselves - can NEVER produce fruit. NEVER. In fact, it will accomplish the opposite - it will lead to death: for the wages of sin is death.

And no, the death is not for the person who hurt me. Too bad, huh? *grin*

Unforgiveness blocks the flow of God to our lives no matter how we attempt to slice and dice it. How much we raise our hands or preach a good sermon, if we have hidden anger and unforgiveness, does not fool God. God is not stupid (darn it - sometimes, I am hoping that He is.) He cannot abide in the same place as festering resentment and tightly held self justification.

Resentment feels like we are protecting ourselves and making sure things turn out right. The truth is, however, that we are only hurting ourselves. We are FAR from helping our cause even though it "feels" like we are.

In fact, when we finally CHOOSE to do it God's way it seems like we are losing. How can we feel this safe again?

However, in the unseen realm of the kingdom, we usher in a shift. Why? Because we are choosing life. We are relaxing our grip on death - which is the entrenched insistence that justifies bitterness.

As I said, initially, I believe that forgiveness is the most difficult commandment to obey. However, I am convinced that it is, possibly, the dam, in many of our lives, that needs to burst in order to enter the next level of blessing in God.

God would never ask us to do something that, in the long run, would not produce abundant blessings. So why do so we set our mind upon clinging to our resentments?

I believe that unforgiveness and hidden resentments are the greatest hindrance to a higher move of God in our lives. God is searching for mature sons He can trust with His riches; only the mature have walked into the higher realm of forgiveness and blessing.

I want to be a mature son.

Ugh. Guess that means I need to forgive. I think, too, I also have to BLESS the perpetrator. Gosh, God, talk about really rubbing salt in my wound. *sigh*

But this day I CHOOSE LIFE......

But I will obey. Whew. I will obey........